This is my first time posting on the Bluelight Community but I'm hoping I can find similar people like myself who have been dealing with long term opiate addiction and have been able to detox off of Subtex. I am 28 and have been using opiates since 2011. I was using up to 200-300mg of oxycodone day ily at my worst times before trying to stop and going to 4 rehabs. I have hit rock bottom where I have gone from a driven, hardworking professional to someone who has damaged relationships with my friends and family and is now unemployed and on Michigan's Medicaid health insurance. I finally stopped using painkillers last year and was on 2mg of Subtex daily for the past 2 years on and off. I tried to detox myself off Subs over the holidays in December and was able to make it 50 days before relapsing when I was laid off from my job in February. Because I'm an addict and have lost all emotional coping skills and my thinking is all fucked up I decided to use 150-200 mg of vicodin for 4 days from February 10th - 14th. I am living with my sponsor, who is an incredibly caring and supportive person (because I have worn out my parents and their money spent on rehabs over the past 4 years) and after this relapse I stupidly decided to go back onto Subtex. I have been snorting 1-2mg of it daily since then while attempting to taper down to roughly 0.5mg a day (based on the 50% bioavailability absorption of taking it intranasalily).
Anyways I have had enough of living my life as a slave to this drug as it makes me lethargic, unmotivated and unable to function well enough to do me during the days. My sponsor's DOC was alcohol and he has 20 years of sobriety but he hasn;t noticed that I have been using and just has thought I've been going through PAWS. I'm so tired of living this lie and being of no use to anyone and just wasting my life away and so today is my 2nd day off of subs. I kinda know what to expect with the physical withdrawals however it's the crippling depression that lingers for so long that makes me want the day to be over from the moment I open my eyes. I know there are no shortcuts and I must deal with the pain and so I am going away to my grandparents farms to spend the next 7 days withdrawing. I know this may not be enough time to come back to living with him without being an emotional wreck and him eventually figuring out something is wrong but this is my only option because if I tell him that I had relapsed and been on subs since February he will cut ties with me. I know in my heart I need to tell him this at some point as I am an active member in recovery and go to NA and AA meetings everyday because I truly want to live a sober life and belief in the 12 step program.
The longest I have been able to stay sober is 3 months with 45 days of that being away in Florida at a rehab. I have been exercising usually 5 days a week doing everything from yoga, lifting weights, and running 3-4 miles. I am writing this post in hopes that I can find people on this forum to talk to for advice and support. I plan on positing my progress everyday in hopes that I can get through this and that my experience can offer others hope and strength to get off any type of opiates or drugs as well.
I currently have 70 - 2mg xanax bars, immodium, zofran for the nausea, and have also purchased lots of protein and L-Tyrosine. I would appreciate any advice that this community can offer to help me get through this challenging time. I truly want to be sober but know I can't do this on my own. I have told others in the program what is going on and plan to call them as part of my support network while I begin this journey. I know that everyone's body is different but I was wondering if the 50 days clean I had from December to February will help make this detox any easier since I will be stopping after about 4 months of being back on subutex. I know snorting the drug definitely has made things more difficult than they could have been if I had just been taking it sublingual as directed but it did allow me to keep my dose low at 0.5mg to 1mg daily. I am praying to god that I can get through this as although I am not suicidal I am very fearful of what's to come and for me I am viewing this attempt as life or death as I am an addict and I simply cannot live a quality and healthy life on subs. I look forward to talking with anyone who is willing to read this.
God Bless,
John
Anyways I have had enough of living my life as a slave to this drug as it makes me lethargic, unmotivated and unable to function well enough to do me during the days. My sponsor's DOC was alcohol and he has 20 years of sobriety but he hasn;t noticed that I have been using and just has thought I've been going through PAWS. I'm so tired of living this lie and being of no use to anyone and just wasting my life away and so today is my 2nd day off of subs. I kinda know what to expect with the physical withdrawals however it's the crippling depression that lingers for so long that makes me want the day to be over from the moment I open my eyes. I know there are no shortcuts and I must deal with the pain and so I am going away to my grandparents farms to spend the next 7 days withdrawing. I know this may not be enough time to come back to living with him without being an emotional wreck and him eventually figuring out something is wrong but this is my only option because if I tell him that I had relapsed and been on subs since February he will cut ties with me. I know in my heart I need to tell him this at some point as I am an active member in recovery and go to NA and AA meetings everyday because I truly want to live a sober life and belief in the 12 step program.
The longest I have been able to stay sober is 3 months with 45 days of that being away in Florida at a rehab. I have been exercising usually 5 days a week doing everything from yoga, lifting weights, and running 3-4 miles. I am writing this post in hopes that I can find people on this forum to talk to for advice and support. I plan on positing my progress everyday in hopes that I can get through this and that my experience can offer others hope and strength to get off any type of opiates or drugs as well.
I currently have 70 - 2mg xanax bars, immodium, zofran for the nausea, and have also purchased lots of protein and L-Tyrosine. I would appreciate any advice that this community can offer to help me get through this challenging time. I truly want to be sober but know I can't do this on my own. I have told others in the program what is going on and plan to call them as part of my support network while I begin this journey. I know that everyone's body is different but I was wondering if the 50 days clean I had from December to February will help make this detox any easier since I will be stopping after about 4 months of being back on subutex. I know snorting the drug definitely has made things more difficult than they could have been if I had just been taking it sublingual as directed but it did allow me to keep my dose low at 0.5mg to 1mg daily. I am praying to god that I can get through this as although I am not suicidal I am very fearful of what's to come and for me I am viewing this attempt as life or death as I am an addict and I simply cannot live a quality and healthy life on subs. I look forward to talking with anyone who is willing to read this.
God Bless,
John
and stop the ritual that comes alone with it ( the crushing of the pill, the rolling of a dollar bill, the snorting) and lower my dose as you've suggested to just keep tapering. I feel so guilty about what I've done it made want to cry a little, which is probably a sign that I am making a little progressive as my emotions are starting to come back. I just want to be my old self so badly and be able to make amends and do right to the people that I took advantage of these past few years. I have read a lot of research about how to taper but I would gladly like to here anyone else's experience on how to do taper down and minimize the side effects. I know that there is no pain free way to get past this but I truly want to change my life and stop this cycle. While I failed with stopping completely the 3 1/2 days at least helped me continue to lower whats in my system. So with that being said how long should I stay on 0.5mg sublingually before dropping down to .25 and then dropping down to as little as possible. I have read that you should try to lower your dose every 4-5 days since it takes about that time for the buprenophine concentration to adjust in your bloodstream. Just like every relapse, I plan to learn from this experience and just move forward and turn off the ass kicking machine. I really appreciate that there is a community of people on this forum that I can talk to and learn from your experiences and successes. Tomorrow is a new day and I plan to try to not take any sub tomorrow and just skip days as much as possible before dosing again. I have read Robert's plan but that was more for helping people switch form full opiate agonists and to detox off of suboxone over a matter of a few weeks tops. 
feeling to stop and I know it's going to take time. Thanks again for your help. 
