Day 2 of norco withdrawals please I need some advice

[Carmengeecp]

I am very ashamed of myself my addiction to these pills started about 5 months ago....let me explain a little so maybe you can understand where I am at...about 9 months ago my daughter came to me she is 21..and told me her dad had molested her while growing up about a week later my son also told me (he is 22) his father did more than just molest him...I have been divorced from him for about 10 years now..I really was horrified and looking back the signs were there and I should have known and he has other family members that had been molesters so I really should have know..I really felt something needed to be done about it..my daughter wanted to go to the police and report it..my son did not...I really felt this cycle of abuse had to be stopped and I thought if they pressed charges and went to counseling that would stop it..I really wanted him to pay for what he had one..the details are horrible and I won't go into them, but I was able to convince my son it was the right thing to do....he still loved his dad and that's part of the reason he did not want to report it...the police brought him in and he confessed to all of it, he was charged with 1 and 2nd degree Csc....in march on the day he had to decide if he would take a plea bargain of 6 years he dropped dead of a heart attack at the age of 44 the coroner said he died from cardiac arrest do to an underlying heart condition he did not know he had but the cardiac arrest was started by extreme stress....so of course everything fell apart..the kids felt like they killed him...I felt guilty that he died then I would feel bad for feeling guilty because I should want him dead after what he did to our babies...so a week or so after he died a started taking norcos they made me feel better or I thought they did...I am still taking about 8 per day..I quit cold turkey on Sunday and its been hell...I ended up taking one earlier today and it took away all the pain and rls and hot flashes...I'm thinking maybe I should taper myself off of them instead of cold turkey or do you think I am just telling myself that so I can keep taking them..these pills are destroying my life..I walk around not caring about anything but my next pill....I know once I am totally off of them all those feelings I didn't face are going to haunt me again too..I can't believe I let it get to this..I have never posted anything anywhere before but I guess I am looking for advice I can't really talk to anyone because no one knows I have been taking them

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey Carmen.. and a very warm welcome to BL. First.. please throw all shame a guilt out the window and drive half way around the world.. there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty and infact guilt is one of the biggest weapons our addition uses to manipulate us into using.. the portion of our brain that is addicted is the limbic system and a key component to the limbic system is the hypothalamus and the hypothalamus controls emotions as well as other neat things like the drive to eat food (hunger), the drive to drink (thirst) and the drive to use or DOC (addiction).. also the limbic system is our unconscious mind and unfortunately our conscious mind is only a tool of the real driver.. and this is the reason all those never agains didn't work.

wow, thats an amazing story and i'm so sorry you guys have had to go through this.. I think that you are fortunate that you know the root of your addiction.. now you will need to address this.. you will need to find away of coming to the realization that the you are all the victims in this and the blame falls on your late X husband.. I think your choice to have this man face his actions and get your children into counseling was a fine decision. The fact that his heart could not take the the stress of dealing with the consequences of his actions, for he was answering to his choices.. so he actually kinda killed himself. Hindsight is twenty twenty so something that looked so obvious when we look at it in the kind amazingly illuminative light of memory does not mean that this was the case.. Please try and stop taking responsibility for his actions, he was the one who did these deeds and the blame and shame should be upon him alone.. yes you feel bad for the experiences of your children.. but there is absolutely no use in playing the I shoulda woulda coulda game.. it always just better to figure out how to make everything better from the point you are at now. you may want to consider some counselling for you and as you have already considered counseling for your children as this is a really good idea.

Are you taking clonidine >here< or a non opiate drug for restless legs syndrome >here< as these are both easy to get and will help you with the withdrawal symptoms initially. you will have to develpoe tequniques to use on you craving.. I know it doesnt seem like it but you can think your way through a craving.. prayer works for some, call another person in recovery and talk about it works for people, If you are brave enough to tell your children you have become an addict then they will become a source of support and you will no longer be scared they will find out. There are millions and millions of us around the world and we have a tendency to stick together and help eachother out.. and beating an addciton is much easier with support.. so please consider looking into NA or smart recovery.. if these do not appeal to you then you will need to develop a strong support group and have it in place as soon as possible..

please research those medications and take a deal breath smile as you throw that guilt nonsense out the window, you smiling because you can do this.. it hard but its temporary.. the withdraws only feel like they are going to last forever.. freedoms at the end of that short put unpleasant stroll..

 

[Carmengeecp]

Thank you so much for your kind words they were really nice to hear...the guilt I feel about it all is too much to bear on my own and I think you are right maybe I should seek some counseling to help me get over it so I can move past this... As far as these withdrawals I don't know much about any of it I am 42 and have never been through an addiction and withdrawals before.. I have not been taking anything except pepto and ibuprofen...I will see if I can find more info on it...is clonidine a prescription... I would be willing to try anything as long as I can't get hooked on whatever it is I am taking....do you think tapering is a bad idea should I try cold turkey... Thanks again for responding to my post I really appreciate it

 

[neversickanymore]

These are very helpful medications and yes they are prescription but are not habit forming. >clonidine< >non opiate restless leg drugs<

and here is a little to let you know what you are facing >addiction guide< ... how long have you taken opiates.. please include the the time you were not physically dependent.. do you really enjoy taking them.. is there a feeling of wow this is the way the world should be when you take them? do you have a real taste for any other mind altering chemicals.. whine or something else.. I just ask because it is possible for someone to be physically dependent and not addicted.. take a look at that thread and let us know your thoughts if you wish.

Your an amazing person and you can do this..

 

[Carmengeecp]

Thanks for the info...I started just a few days after he passed someone gave me 10 OxyContin they made me feel really good, happy, at peace when the 10 were gone I asked if they had a few more so they gave me around 60 of them, I wanted to take them because they made me feel so much better and to myself I would feel like this is how life should be I feel so happy and I was really outgoing and was able to really be there for my kids without breaking down, after I finished the 60 I got another 40 (I was taking 4 or 6 a day) I ran out, I took the last one and said to myself after this it's back to reality...the next day I felt not so good I thought I was coming down with the flu or something I even when to the er thinking I was sick and my legs were really hurting so they sent me home with some Vicodin and I started to feel better ( I still didn't realize I was in withdrawal) when that ran out I started to feel sick, my mom was over and I asked her for some Vicodin and she gave me like 6 then I asked again 2 days later, she said are you hooked on pain pills and I said of course not but that got me to thinking, am I? Every time I would run out I would feel horrible my legs hurt, I was having hot flashes, diarrhea I couldn't sit still yet I didn't want to move so I started getting prescriptions of norco from my doctor because of the leg pain, at least that's what I told myself...so I have been taking norco 325 he gives me a 10 day supply and I run out after 7 days then I sit here really uncomfortable until I can pick up my new script...I dont have that warm fuzzy feeling anymore when I take them it's to feel normal so I can function, I only feel really good if I take 2 at a time then another one an hour later.....I do smoke I have for a long time I don't drink or use anything else....if I could just have a couple days to do nothing when goin through withdrawals I think that would help but that's not possible