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day 2 i feel like shit

Went to another meeting today and it was another life saver!!! Kinda getting excited....now im tryin to find a ride tomorrow because if i hadnt had one today theres no way i wouldve made it. dude called me tellin me how cheap hes selling his shit and i had already given up and was plannin on buyin again. these meetings are saving me!!! I need a car....
 
woW.. . nice work gypsie!! instead of doing anything to get the dope, spin it around on doing anything it takes to get to that meeting. didn't it feel great to not pick up heroin because you made the decision NOT to. great to hear the positivity from you and the excitement in getting involved in attending meetings. you will be able to make a good solid support group from attending, a whole new group of friends that have all been working at the same common goal. i do not want to step out of place but do you think your dad might want check some out with you??

the inpatient rehab sound's like it could be a nice fit and it being free.. . dang, real nice! it is wonderful that option is there for you giving you space if you feel you need it. it sounds like moving in with your family might be pretty stressful and that might be a major trigger for you right now. not uncommon at ALL. this rehab could give you a chance to take a breath and a step back for what sounds like a much needed minute. it is really great that you are starting to work on a plan that will work for you.

keep up the good work gypsie and keep going to those meetings!! you are doing great! <3
 
I know exactly how you feel. The mind can be a very dark place at times. I miss my car as well it almost seems hopeless sometimes. Not having the freedom you want. So we get high to forget about it. Your not alone. I can promise you that. I hope you feel better.
 
Ive got a dealer who wont stop texting me what the fuck. day 5 though and about to head to a meeting! Anxiety is so hard to deal with i just want to function!!!! I wish i could get on some benzos and adderall but i doubt that would be a good thing or possible anyway! This is really the first time ive been able tobturn down an offer though cause last time i quit i just didnt have money and couldnt find anything so im really proud of myself! I have money in my wallet and shit dangling in my face and im resisting!!! It feels good but i wish i could do normal things....i dif take a shower today though woooo
 
wO.. . day 5 annnnn-d a shower!! nice.. really nice! well tell this dude to STOP texting your phone, that you want 0, not now and not later! that for sure will feel really good gypsie, you can do it. if he keeps on texting or trying to call cant you block his number in your phone or by contacting your carrier? i know my phone has that feature.

hope you made it to the meeting and it treated you as good as the last one's you have attended. i am sure by getting out to them and around some like minded people it is helping your anxiety to some level. keep up the momentum you are really doing great and sounding soooooo much better and with much more direction! keeping active and trying to get some exercise in even if just a walk. this will also help cut your anxiety a bit. i know how it can be such a bitch or THE bitch. the rehab would help you address and look into the root cause of were it steams from. maybe try picking up some valerian and see if that helps. do you have a gp you could see?

you can/will walk into the grocery store! keep that money in that wallet gypsie you are kicking ass!! <3
 
good to know I wasn't the only person not showering during my withdrawals. I'd legit go 4 days w/ no shower and then back to the drug before the shower came. sad during the withdrawal period; no motivation to do a damn thing! youre doing a great job tho, man. meetings, showers, staying on top.. that's the way to be during this time period.
 
Sigh..its a sad day. I havent done any opiates going on 6 days but last night i had the weirdest trigger it was overwhelming. i kid u not all that happened was "poolshark" by sublime just randomly popped into my head haha ridiculous what the fuck. i mean music is such a huge trigger and i have to avoid it like crazy when im sober which really sucks but shit this just cane in my head and fucked me up! Anyway i got fucked up drinking and xanax and ambien and then tried to get opiates unsuccesfully while all fucked up. i woke up this morning feeling first off like a fucking idiot and basically like i have failed already. jesus
 
at least youre still sober when it comes to opiates; not so much the other stuff but opiates were the main problem here. not saying other drugs are not a problem because they sure can be, esp benzos, but youre still opiate free... so keep it that way and continue down this right path!

i also was drinking, xanny and ambien before.. and prob even dope as well. really dont remember much of what happened between the ambien and xanax blacking me out. i remember one time just randomly getting in my car infront of the house and pulling it into my drive way and side swiping my neighbors car. another smart / good thing that happened while on drugs.. ended up costing me $500.. miserable day.
 
hey gypsie!! you did not fail... maybe a lill ooops "slip" but you did not fall flat on your ass! nice work in expressing your emotions in regards to last night. that says a lot about how you are feeling and what you really want for yourself.

you are SO not an idiot... you are smart in that you came posting up looking for support. shit happens it is how we address it and clean it up!! keep your head gypsie and those dollars in that wallet! <3
 
Way to go gypsie.. text that fucker back and tell them to quit beeing a pathedic assclown pusher.. they aren't a dealer they are a pusher.. Tell them that the meal ticket, the one they have been living of the pain and suffering of another has moved on to better days and no longer needs or wants their poison. Keep at it maybe think of the 90 meetings in 90 days.. your doing great=D
 
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Thank u all so much for the support. i fucked up today but im not giving up. i CAN NOT hang out with anyone i know...i have a plan though and im ready to start over...sigh. I couldnt go to a meeting today cause of work and i wont be able to go until tuesday so im pretty disapointed about that but yea...i was pretty fucking upset i fucked up, tomorrow wouldve been a week but ive come to terms with my decision and its NOT going to be an excuse to give up. Made me a little event on fb to go out on saturday with people i know wont bring me down amd im pretty fucking excited about it!!
 
"This mind, this body and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways. dont forget what i told you dont come around i got my own hell to raise.
Dont you plead me your case, dont bother to explain, dont even show me your face 'cause its a crying shame just go back to the rock from under which you came
take the sorrow you gave and all the stakes you claim, and dont forget the blame"
^To the addict in me and the pushers..
 
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<3 really like how your mind is working gypsie.. your words are wonderful and will help more then you carry on. today is a new day and i am hoping that you are feeling well and strong! redirect those feelings of disappointment and frustration into determination and visualization of where you want to go. let go of any remorse it is not worth your time. keep holding onto that mind set of not allowing any excuses that your addiction might come up with to bring you down!!

so, so good that you are expressing yourself, helping process and face emotions creating a really nice momentum. keep building on your plan and finding positive outlets that you feel will be healthy. shit.... . you are being mindful and proactive continuing to build on the steps forward brushing off the little back slips that naturally occur. you got this gypsie you are going to move right on by!! <3 look how far your thoughts and energy has progressed in such a short time!
 
hey.. . gypsie j! well.. thanks i like you too and the moves you have been making! <3 that is great that you are finding music that you can connect to in a positive way. how are things going and how are you feeling? you tell that "pusher man" emmm..ehh.. no thank you and please do not come again? nice to feel good about saying no to dope for a change! the honesty you are having with yourself is huge in evaluating truly what is worth being looked at and what just needs to be let go. keep making these strides you are doing great. before you know it all the more time will be on your side.. keep swinging and connecting gypsie j!! you are beating this shit down.. .
 
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