Dream my cat had:
So here is my story. 17 days in now. Feeling better but not good. So how did I get here? Well a few years back I was addicted to prescription pain killers. Not physically addicted. Mentally. A friend of a friend told me about methadone. Well my insurance covered it so I found myself a clinic. When I started it I was not informed that I was a horrible candidate for methadone. But I saw it as a way to get my opiates for free without worrying about pills.
Biggest mistake of my life.
After being on a dose that increased from 40 to 65mgs over two years I panicked. I quit cold turkey on a whim. I was receiving 2 weeks of take home doses at a time. So I thought I'd taper myself with that. Upon more thinking I decided to quit for good.
I kept the methadone. I quit. I was in acute withdrawal for a month. I saw no semblance of a normal life for 3 months. After 6 months I could sleep again. I tell you what. Going through cold turkey methadone took some serious conviction. Especially considering I had a bunch of doses of the methadone that sat untouched in my freezer for 6 months when I got the courage to throw it out. During this time I was taking care of 2 kids and dealing with a husband who was taking pills the whole time. It took a year to feel normal again.
My husband disappeared when I got clean from methadone. At my year mark he took off. I did okay. 2 years after that I found myself completely in love with my current fiance. He is a good man. We had a baby. We want another one. So we tried.
I miscarried. I got into a horrible car accident. I was found at fault for following too closely. I was and am responsible for 3 other cars. The car was in my fiances name. I found out after the accident that he had lapsed on his insurance the previous month due to problems with his mortgage company. Since he is a truck driver who cannot afford to be sued he might have to file bankruptcy to stop them from suing him and taking his drivers license and ability to work. Stress. Unbelievable my ex husband comes around this time suing for custody of our daughters. When it rains it pours.
And when it pours I think of drugs. So in July I escalated from pills, to not being able to get pills, to snorting a half gram a day. So after 4 months of that (now) I decided to quit.
My fiance had no idea I was doing heroin. I am a drug tolerant person in general. I wasn't stumbling around and nodding off. I was hiding my dope in the basement and doing it when I had to change laundry. Nobody had any clue. I had a really good setup and connect.
Anyways I feel horrible for having started this. Never thought I'd try heroin. I liked that it was easier to get than the pills and less expensive.
So this is how I got to day 17. I took suboxone for 1 week after heroin. I didn't wait long enough to take my first dose. It was 12 hours. Didn't get relief. Didn't go into precipitated withdrawals either. So during week 1 on suboxone I wasn't taking enough to get better and feel good. I decided I was just drawing out the inevitable.
Week 1 clean without suboxone was awful. Week 2 seemed to be pretty bad. With every other day being really bad. Being in week three I have had 3 okay days. I was able to get sleep by taking xanax for 1 week. Then I switched to doxepin and baclofen. In fear of being addicted to xanax. I took that combo and got better sleep than on the xanax anyways. Now starting week 3 I am only taking trazadone. 2 at night for sleep. With a baclofen. I am aware of rebound effects with sleeping meds. I want to be off all sleeping meds by the beginning of week 4. I have some ambien but I want to avoid it.
Being as that I've been through a hard methadone withdrawal and the fact that I was only using heroin for 4 months I do expect to be feeling better sooner than I did with my previous methadone CT. Is this correct? I know week 3 from methadone I was in the ER crying my eyes out. Day 17 from short term heroin use and I feel okay minus some aches and pains and anxiety.
Will my withdrawal be much shorter? I know when I feel that normality hit I'm in the clear. But I'm not there yet. I'm going to stay clean. I have no doubt. But I guess I need some support. I talk to my fiance but he's never been addicted. He loves me and supports me the best he can. Anyways. Any advice? Never want to do this again and have nobody to talk to. I'm almost there right? Thanks for taking the time to read.
With Love,
-My asshole cat
I am 29 years old. I don't know if that helps. Also wanted to add to anyone reading this who is also trying to get clean... you can do it. Don't let my post discourage you from methadone use. Just be wary of it. Methadone is killer to kick and I think should be tapered properly. It was hell. I think methadone should be a last resort. Suboxone didn't help me because I only had 3 strips and didn't take enough to get the sickness away. I have no idea if that's any better than methadone. Desperate to get better. The past week I have been going to the gym and eating and sleeping. The sleeping has only been because of the sleeping pills. These pills were prescribed to me. My regular doctor saw me through methadone withdrawal giving me short term pills like ambien and ativan. This time he says I should be feeling better sooner and that it is nothing like methadone withdrawal. He has a lot of faith in me to get through this and return to a normal life quickly. My faith in myself waivers. In withdrawal we think we'll never get better. This is a struggle in my head constantly. But it is getting better.
So here is my story. 17 days in now. Feeling better but not good. So how did I get here? Well a few years back I was addicted to prescription pain killers. Not physically addicted. Mentally. A friend of a friend told me about methadone. Well my insurance covered it so I found myself a clinic. When I started it I was not informed that I was a horrible candidate for methadone. But I saw it as a way to get my opiates for free without worrying about pills.
Biggest mistake of my life.
After being on a dose that increased from 40 to 65mgs over two years I panicked. I quit cold turkey on a whim. I was receiving 2 weeks of take home doses at a time. So I thought I'd taper myself with that. Upon more thinking I decided to quit for good.
I kept the methadone. I quit. I was in acute withdrawal for a month. I saw no semblance of a normal life for 3 months. After 6 months I could sleep again. I tell you what. Going through cold turkey methadone took some serious conviction. Especially considering I had a bunch of doses of the methadone that sat untouched in my freezer for 6 months when I got the courage to throw it out. During this time I was taking care of 2 kids and dealing with a husband who was taking pills the whole time. It took a year to feel normal again.
My husband disappeared when I got clean from methadone. At my year mark he took off. I did okay. 2 years after that I found myself completely in love with my current fiance. He is a good man. We had a baby. We want another one. So we tried.
I miscarried. I got into a horrible car accident. I was found at fault for following too closely. I was and am responsible for 3 other cars. The car was in my fiances name. I found out after the accident that he had lapsed on his insurance the previous month due to problems with his mortgage company. Since he is a truck driver who cannot afford to be sued he might have to file bankruptcy to stop them from suing him and taking his drivers license and ability to work. Stress. Unbelievable my ex husband comes around this time suing for custody of our daughters. When it rains it pours.
And when it pours I think of drugs. So in July I escalated from pills, to not being able to get pills, to snorting a half gram a day. So after 4 months of that (now) I decided to quit.
My fiance had no idea I was doing heroin. I am a drug tolerant person in general. I wasn't stumbling around and nodding off. I was hiding my dope in the basement and doing it when I had to change laundry. Nobody had any clue. I had a really good setup and connect.
Anyways I feel horrible for having started this. Never thought I'd try heroin. I liked that it was easier to get than the pills and less expensive.
So this is how I got to day 17. I took suboxone for 1 week after heroin. I didn't wait long enough to take my first dose. It was 12 hours. Didn't get relief. Didn't go into precipitated withdrawals either. So during week 1 on suboxone I wasn't taking enough to get better and feel good. I decided I was just drawing out the inevitable.
Week 1 clean without suboxone was awful. Week 2 seemed to be pretty bad. With every other day being really bad. Being in week three I have had 3 okay days. I was able to get sleep by taking xanax for 1 week. Then I switched to doxepin and baclofen. In fear of being addicted to xanax. I took that combo and got better sleep than on the xanax anyways. Now starting week 3 I am only taking trazadone. 2 at night for sleep. With a baclofen. I am aware of rebound effects with sleeping meds. I want to be off all sleeping meds by the beginning of week 4. I have some ambien but I want to avoid it.
Being as that I've been through a hard methadone withdrawal and the fact that I was only using heroin for 4 months I do expect to be feeling better sooner than I did with my previous methadone CT. Is this correct? I know week 3 from methadone I was in the ER crying my eyes out. Day 17 from short term heroin use and I feel okay minus some aches and pains and anxiety.
Will my withdrawal be much shorter? I know when I feel that normality hit I'm in the clear. But I'm not there yet. I'm going to stay clean. I have no doubt. But I guess I need some support. I talk to my fiance but he's never been addicted. He loves me and supports me the best he can. Anyways. Any advice? Never want to do this again and have nobody to talk to. I'm almost there right? Thanks for taking the time to read.
With Love,
-My asshole cat
I am 29 years old. I don't know if that helps. Also wanted to add to anyone reading this who is also trying to get clean... you can do it. Don't let my post discourage you from methadone use. Just be wary of it. Methadone is killer to kick and I think should be tapered properly. It was hell. I think methadone should be a last resort. Suboxone didn't help me because I only had 3 strips and didn't take enough to get the sickness away. I have no idea if that's any better than methadone. Desperate to get better. The past week I have been going to the gym and eating and sleeping. The sleeping has only been because of the sleeping pills. These pills were prescribed to me. My regular doctor saw me through methadone withdrawal giving me short term pills like ambien and ativan. This time he says I should be feeling better sooner and that it is nothing like methadone withdrawal. He has a lot of faith in me to get through this and return to a normal life quickly. My faith in myself waivers. In withdrawal we think we'll never get better. This is a struggle in my head constantly. But it is getting better.
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