I went up to 70mgs today and I'm really hoping that I found my sweet spot, so to speak! I'm feeling really good today but really I'll know in another day or two as normally after a dose increase I've been good for about two-three days before I start craving again. Like I said, I'm really hoping 70mgs holds me. My boyfriend doesn't know I'm up this high. He's on 40mg and he started the program about a week before I did. A part of me doesn't really want him to know because I think he'll give me crap about it (we both talked about staying as low as possible) but I really don't want to want to use anymore and I think he just wants to not be sick and still have the ability to get high on top of his dose. I'm not sure. We're both at different places in our recovery.
Oh, so I wrote the other day about my failed UA for alcohol and I thought everything was peachy since I talked with my counselor yesterday before I dosed but when I asked to increase this morning I was told I had to wait while they talked to my counselor. I guess they are just as strict with alcohol as they are with benzos at my clinic because I have to blow a breathalyzer every morning before I dose for 60 days and if I fail just once I'll be tapered back down to 60mg. I'm kinda pissed off by that because I really like going out to my bar once in a while after work on Mondays and I enjoy a few drinks some nights! It's not like I'm drinking like a fish or anything. But really why I'm upset about it is because when I went through induction I wasn't told this policy. My counselor stressed benzos to the max and that was fine with me because I don't abuse benzos. They are great for when I have panic attacks or when I need to abort a trip, but I RARELY use them. I think I've taken one Xanax in all of 2016. My patient handbook also doesn't say that about alcohol like it does benzos. Shit so now the only night I can drink is Saturday nights because the clinic is closed on Sunday (automatic takehome!). I'm trying to not let it effect me too much, but again occasionally if I'm craving (but not having w/d) I'll grab a tall boy of PBR and a shooter of whiskey and that'll help, but now I can't even do that at night because I don't want to fail my breathalyzer. But I don't want to go up either. I have read that as you go up, so do the unwanted side effects. Right now the major pain in the ass side effect I'm dealing with is sweating! Ugh the littlest physical exertion causes me to sweat like a pig and in turn makes me break out! I haven't EVER had acne like this, not even in puberty/high school. That and not being able to orgasm...that one is a bitch! I get horny like crazy horny, but I just can't climax and it's super frustrating.
Well, that's all I got for today. I'm sure I could write a ton more, but I have shit I gotta do instead of just sit at the computer all day. Finally finished both Methadone mega threads...finally. Shit that took FOREVER! But I did it, and now I feel like I can post in V2.0 now. Until tomorrow
Oh, so I wrote the other day about my failed UA for alcohol and I thought everything was peachy since I talked with my counselor yesterday before I dosed but when I asked to increase this morning I was told I had to wait while they talked to my counselor. I guess they are just as strict with alcohol as they are with benzos at my clinic because I have to blow a breathalyzer every morning before I dose for 60 days and if I fail just once I'll be tapered back down to 60mg. I'm kinda pissed off by that because I really like going out to my bar once in a while after work on Mondays and I enjoy a few drinks some nights! It's not like I'm drinking like a fish or anything. But really why I'm upset about it is because when I went through induction I wasn't told this policy. My counselor stressed benzos to the max and that was fine with me because I don't abuse benzos. They are great for when I have panic attacks or when I need to abort a trip, but I RARELY use them. I think I've taken one Xanax in all of 2016. My patient handbook also doesn't say that about alcohol like it does benzos. Shit so now the only night I can drink is Saturday nights because the clinic is closed on Sunday (automatic takehome!). I'm trying to not let it effect me too much, but again occasionally if I'm craving (but not having w/d) I'll grab a tall boy of PBR and a shooter of whiskey and that'll help, but now I can't even do that at night because I don't want to fail my breathalyzer. But I don't want to go up either. I have read that as you go up, so do the unwanted side effects. Right now the major pain in the ass side effect I'm dealing with is sweating! Ugh the littlest physical exertion causes me to sweat like a pig and in turn makes me break out! I haven't EVER had acne like this, not even in puberty/high school. That and not being able to orgasm...that one is a bitch! I get horny like crazy horny, but I just can't climax and it's super frustrating.
Well, that's all I got for today. I'm sure I could write a ton more, but I have shit I gotta do instead of just sit at the computer all day. Finally finished both Methadone mega threads...finally. Shit that took FOREVER! But I did it, and now I feel like I can post in V2.0 now. Until tomorrow