10:45 AM
I'm irritable today. I get pissed at myself over the stupidest shit and I hold onto it. I'm sitting here beating myself up because I didn't use proper form when doing handstand push-ups. What the fuck is that all about? I think that we just look for reasons to beat ourselves up. I mean, shit, at least I did them. So what if I didn't go all the way down to get the maximum benefit? I'll keep this in mind, if you are going to do ANYTHING, do it properly.
3:00 PM
No-one is in the computer room right now (its females only) so I figure I'll write.
I was talking to Steph and she was telling me that this girl and I would make a good couple. Steph knows that I'm attracted to this girl, who reminds me of 'M' in a physical sense, and wants to play matchmaker.
I've been conflicted. I don't want to interfere with someone's recovery but the natural attraction to someone can't be avoided.
Last night I couldn't sleep so I went out on the deck to smoke. The girl I'm diggin' was out there as well. We had a great conversation and talked a little about people hooking up in here. I told her that I was trying to not hassle or make any of the females in here uncomfortable.
Steph told me today that the girl was always looking at me and I told her I was going to say something. I kind of had the sense that she thought I was avoiding her.
Anyway, I was walking with the cute girl and somehow I got around to saying something like "I'm already liken' someone in here".
She asked, "Who?".
"You", I replied.
"Oh man! That blows my mind! I kind of feel the same way too. I figured after our talk last night that that option was off the table."
"Yeah, I was and am conflicted about it but I had to say something."
Her friend came up to us at that point and it was left open-ended.
Its not like we'll be having sex or anything in here but perhaps when she's discharged. Eh, what can ay do?
Shit! I just remembered! I told that girl last night that I was still in love with 'M' and I figured it would be unfair to a woman if I got into a relationship when I was still in love with someone else. Sex isn't a relationship so I guess its a moot point. This girl is sexy as hell, too!
Christ! When I get out and whenever that stuff they put in the food wears off, I'm gonna have a weapon in my pants! LOL
I am able to get erections but the random hard-ons that I'm accustomed to getting just don't happen in here. That's cool though. I don't want to walk funny on my way to our meals.
Geez! This rehab journal is going to be interesting to look back on!
6:00 PM
Without fail, I am in my head and irritable again. I'm glad I'm noticing the times that this/these feelings and attitudes are occurring. It will help me eliminate potential variables as causes.
I get to go to an outside meeting tonight!!! Cool! I get to go to another REAL meeting and kill the monotony at the same time.
That girl I was talking about earlier said "Thank you" and I asked her why. She said that it was for the pack of cigarettes Steph gave her in the cafeteria. I had given them to Steph to give because I didn't want her to think I was trying to buy affection. She said she knew it was me.
I was sitting next to her and she said, "Don't let me keep you from doing what you want to do like write or work out."
I told her I just was watching TV in the Community Room. I took her statement as a polite way of saying "You're nice but…"
I can never read women or understand their vague lingo.
10:40 PM
I was on the list to attend an outside meeting. It was an AA meeting. In the past, I've had somewhat of a closed-mind in regards to AA. Many seem to look down their noses at addicts and their pre-amble seems to be very Christian oriented (even though they deny this).
It was a good meeting. It was a Beginners Meeting and they mentioned that they didn't care what people shared about (drugs, gambling, relationships, etc.).
One at a time they had us stand in front of the room and asked questions. One person asked the questions and the person in front answered in front of the whole group. Feedback in the form of honesty was given from the Chairperson.
I've never been to a meeting like that before.
I'm irritable today. I get pissed at myself over the stupidest shit and I hold onto it. I'm sitting here beating myself up because I didn't use proper form when doing handstand push-ups. What the fuck is that all about? I think that we just look for reasons to beat ourselves up. I mean, shit, at least I did them. So what if I didn't go all the way down to get the maximum benefit? I'll keep this in mind, if you are going to do ANYTHING, do it properly.
3:00 PM
No-one is in the computer room right now (its females only) so I figure I'll write.
I was talking to Steph and she was telling me that this girl and I would make a good couple. Steph knows that I'm attracted to this girl, who reminds me of 'M' in a physical sense, and wants to play matchmaker.
I've been conflicted. I don't want to interfere with someone's recovery but the natural attraction to someone can't be avoided.
Last night I couldn't sleep so I went out on the deck to smoke. The girl I'm diggin' was out there as well. We had a great conversation and talked a little about people hooking up in here. I told her that I was trying to not hassle or make any of the females in here uncomfortable.
Steph told me today that the girl was always looking at me and I told her I was going to say something. I kind of had the sense that she thought I was avoiding her.
Anyway, I was walking with the cute girl and somehow I got around to saying something like "I'm already liken' someone in here".
She asked, "Who?".
"You", I replied.
"Oh man! That blows my mind! I kind of feel the same way too. I figured after our talk last night that that option was off the table."
"Yeah, I was and am conflicted about it but I had to say something."
Her friend came up to us at that point and it was left open-ended.
Its not like we'll be having sex or anything in here but perhaps when she's discharged. Eh, what can ay do?
Shit! I just remembered! I told that girl last night that I was still in love with 'M' and I figured it would be unfair to a woman if I got into a relationship when I was still in love with someone else. Sex isn't a relationship so I guess its a moot point. This girl is sexy as hell, too!
Christ! When I get out and whenever that stuff they put in the food wears off, I'm gonna have a weapon in my pants! LOL
I am able to get erections but the random hard-ons that I'm accustomed to getting just don't happen in here. That's cool though. I don't want to walk funny on my way to our meals.
Geez! This rehab journal is going to be interesting to look back on!
6:00 PM
Without fail, I am in my head and irritable again. I'm glad I'm noticing the times that this/these feelings and attitudes are occurring. It will help me eliminate potential variables as causes.
I get to go to an outside meeting tonight!!! Cool! I get to go to another REAL meeting and kill the monotony at the same time.
That girl I was talking about earlier said "Thank you" and I asked her why. She said that it was for the pack of cigarettes Steph gave her in the cafeteria. I had given them to Steph to give because I didn't want her to think I was trying to buy affection. She said she knew it was me.
I was sitting next to her and she said, "Don't let me keep you from doing what you want to do like write or work out."
I told her I just was watching TV in the Community Room. I took her statement as a polite way of saying "You're nice but…"
I can never read women or understand their vague lingo.
10:40 PM
I was on the list to attend an outside meeting. It was an AA meeting. In the past, I've had somewhat of a closed-mind in regards to AA. Many seem to look down their noses at addicts and their pre-amble seems to be very Christian oriented (even though they deny this).
It was a good meeting. It was a Beginners Meeting and they mentioned that they didn't care what people shared about (drugs, gambling, relationships, etc.).
One at a time they had us stand in front of the room and asked questions. One person asked the questions and the person in front answered in front of the whole group. Feedback in the form of honesty was given from the Chairperson.
I've never been to a meeting like that before.
