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Alcohol Daughter’s fiancé is an alcoholic

M1sterEd

M1sterEd

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 7, 2025
Messages
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He’s likable guy but he has a serious alcohol dependency he hasn’t learned to live with responsibly yet. Is it true that people dependent on alcohol must be broken in spirit and start over to appreciate sobriety? I am not familiar with alcoholism so it is difficult for me to understand what he may be going through. It’s easy for me to stop taking psychedelics because they don’t create a dependency on them.
My soon to be son in-law cannot handle discomforting feelings or emotions very well. He drinks to shield himself from dealing with trauma (seems this way). He has depression and possibly other mental health conditions. I don’t know this for certain, but it seems logical.
Should I hope for a breakdown so he can deal with his issues? Seems kind of cruel…
 
I wouldnt recommend marrying someone with a serious alcohol problem. Trying getting off the alcohol and giving him kava and see if that helps. Some of the heavier kavas can give you a real nice drunk feeling without harming you.
 
I don't think anybody really knows. It's just that you kind of have to wing it and try not to [ __ ] someone up. ;)

I guess we just have to try to do the best that we can with all of the best of our abilities. 🙁

🙏

Alcohol depresses the central nervous system and can disrupt mental and motor skills. It can also damage internal organs when used excessively.

Unhealthy alcohol use can be harmful physically, emotionally, and economically.



Alcohol is a bad habit to get into and I hope that an authentic connection with this image can get their attention and I think it is time for them

to get their self-esteem regulation in order so-to-speak. Definitely a rock and a hard place scenario.



Be safe, stay Healthy. I'm on your side OP. <3



Alcohol is too acceptable and a much too easy way out that is too convenient for comprehension. I hope that they do not pass that

point of no return for everyone's sake. It's definitely a challenge at this point. I hope that you stay strong and

that this won't be an enduring tragic lifetime and event. You know better and they definitely need to learn

this as well.


I am glad that you are concerned and that might be the first step in making them aware of the help that they will need.

I am glad that you care and I hope that you can make an effort and awareness for them about a bad debilitating habit called alcohol

that results in being an alcoholic. ( Alkie )

Awesome. Keep sending them a message as best as possible. Hope for the best and expect the worst .... but hopefully it won't have

to ever take a turn for the worst that way, somehow. ☀️


M1sterEd said:
He’s likable guy but he has a serious alcohol dependency he hasn’t learned to live with responsibly yet. Is it true that people dependent on alcohol must be broken in spirit and start over to appreciate sobriety? I am not familiar with alcoholism so it is difficult for me to understand what he may be going through. It’s easy for me to stop taking psychedelics because they don’t create a dependency on them.
My soon to be son in-law cannot handle discomforting feelings or emotions very well. He drinks to shield himself from dealing with trauma (seems this way). He has depression and possibly other mental health conditions. I don’t know this for certain, but it seems logical.
Should I hope for a breakdown so he can deal with his issues? Seems kind of cruel…
Click to expand...
 
Alcohol ranks with the worst drugs on Earth its a Monster.
Godzilla as Eminem said, i can quit GHB and Kratom DIY easy,
And remain functional.

Alcohol should be forbidden, discouraged.
And people warned for the extreme addiction and WD s.
They forgot that when i was young so that its said.

Don t inject Heroin smoke Crack or drink Ethanol
[& Nicotin as it just kills you].
The WDs are 3 weeks at least, and they are painful,
and live in the wrong area they are treated wrong medically.

So there is no help but, DIY meaning tapering [impossible ime].
Or getting of buying semi or illegal Benzo s,
which with the current Fentanyl crisis is no option.
DETOX is a flaw, 90% relapse, why DIY works better.

Regular medicin offer s no after treatment, to work on the cause.
 
emkee_reinvented said:
Alcohol ranks with the worst drugs on Earth its a Monster.
Godzilla as Eminem said, i can quit GHB and Kratom DIY easy,
And remain functional.

Alcohol should be forbidden, discouraged.
And people warned for the extreme addiction and WD s.
They forgot that when i was young so that its said.

Don t inject Heroin smoke Crack or drink Ethanol
[& Nicotin as it just kills you].
The WDs are 3 weeks at least, and they are painful,
and live in the wrong area they are treated wrong medically.

So there is no help but, DIY meaning tapering [impossible ime].
Or getting of buying semi or illegal Benzo s,
which with the current Fentanyl crisis is no option.
DETOX is a flaw, 90% relapse, why DIY works better.

Regular medicin offer s no after treatment, to work on the cause.
Click to expand...
k
 
Lux Exterior said:
Put them in a medically induced coma, to cleanse their system👍
Click to expand...
My brother did that. He was drinking hard, quit cold turkey, promptly came down with pancreatitis, was at death's door so they put him in a induced coma which lasted for weeks, I believe. Woke up finally ( I was there) to find the divorce papers from his wife on his bedside table and her nowhere to be seen.
That's been something like 7 years and he hasn't had a drink since. Kind of nice to sleep through withdrawal I guess.
But the whole process wouldn't have started if he hadn't wanted to quit in the first place. Does your prospective son in law want to quit? Because if not, I don't really think you have any control over him drinking
 
^^^^
Right .... Like whoo doesn't drink before, during and after ' a wedding. 😂 ' Think about it. .. :unsure:

Not everyone is a Mormon. Rotfl. Good Luck with that one, right. Being sober during those circumstances would be worse than drinking.

Just saying. I hope they do quit it. ;)<3 Lol. Wow.
 
M1sterEd said:
He’s likable guy but he has a serious alcohol dependency he hasn’t learned to live with responsibly yet. Is it true that people dependent on alcohol must be broken in spirit and start over to appreciate sobriety?
Click to expand...
Broken in Spirit don t sound good, reading it the 2-nd time.
If it refer s too the one physical/ mental dependant in Alcohol.
Breaking with it OK.

But breaking someones Spirit, or attempting as i doubt that is easy.
You can even question if its humane, behind most addiction s lies a cause.
Treating that is the current trend. And i believe will leads to better result s
M1sterEd said:
I am not familiar with alcoholism so it is difficult for me to understand what he may be going through. It’s easy for me to stop taking psychedelics because they don’t create a dependency on them.
Click to expand...
Well how are the fact s, do you assume or know he is physically addicted.
Or is it mentally only ? And has there ever been open talks on it ?
M1sterEd said:
My soon to be son in-law cannot handle discomforting feelings or emotions very well. He drinks to shield himself from dealing with trauma (seems this way). He has depression and possibly other mental health conditions. I don’t know this for certain, but it seems logical.
Should I hope for a breakdown so he can deal with his issues? Seems kind of cruel…
Click to expand...
"seems this way" = a assumption.
So is as taking something for granted as it is logical. [logical according to who]
I would bite the bullet, so what way i leave up to you but i would share it with them.
Your daughter and son in law, cant give you a hint how to start.

But get it in the open, privately among you three.
 
M1sterEd said:
He’s likable guy but he has a serious alcohol dependency he hasn’t learned to live with responsibly yet. Is it true that people dependent on alcohol must be broken in spirit and start over to appreciate sobriety? I am not familiar with alcoholism so it is difficult for me to understand what he may be going through. It’s easy for me to stop taking psychedelics because they don’t create a dependency on them.
My soon to be son in-law cannot handle discomforting feelings or emotions very well. He drinks to shield himself from dealing with trauma (seems this way). He has depression and possibly other mental health conditions. I don’t know this for certain, but it seems logical.
Should I hope for a breakdown so he can deal with his issues? Seems kind of cruel…
Click to expand...
Hey man - sorry to hear that he's struggling. Seems like a tough place for him to be, and it also makes sense why you're worrying about it. It's your daughter, after all, and I imagine you want her to be happy and feel secure in the relationship she's building with him.

For what it's worth - I'm a therapist and I deal with addiction and relationships fairly regularly. I think that your observations about what can sometimes cause an alcoholic to actually address their issue, such a major 'bottom', is not inaccurate. Many times it takes some kind of substantial consequence(s) to make someone face that they need to change.

On the other hand - sometimes a person whom the individual trusts and feels safe talking to can name what they're seeing and worrying about, and it can have a positive impact. Have you thought about talking to your future son-in-law about your concerns? You would obviously want to address it delicately and in a supportive way, but I don't think it would be out of line to consider trying to talk with him. You could talk with your daughter first so she doesn't feel blindsided, "hey, I just wanted to see if you'd be okay with me having a conversation with SIL about something that's been on my mind regarding his drinking" - if you approach it genuinely, honestly, and with kindness, that will shine through.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our addictions that we don't see what other people see - we are just trying to make it through the day and may be afraid to change because change is fucking hard, scary, and requires us to admit to ourselves that we're struggling.
 
I have to let my daughter handle her situation. When I first met I called out his alcohol use and made some assumptions about his character. I was trying to protect her from getting hurt again. Her former husband abandoned her finally after a two year wait she was able to divorce him.

My daughter is a rescuer so I was concerned about the new guy in her life. To make a long story short, my daughter stopped talking to me because some thing I said in an email to her. She let her boyfriend read what I said and all communications stopped. I can’t talk to my daughter openly about my concerns so I don’t say anything and leave the communication to my wife.
Very touchy situation so I keep my mouth shut.
 
Alcohol was the first thing to get me hooked - waking out of sleep with cold sweats to swing straight brandy from the bottle, and it just got worse. It tok me getting hooked on heroin to get off alcohol. Addiction to anything is the sign of a broken person, in some sense imo at least, it gives relief from whatever it is that is torturing a persons mind because for me at least my mind was a horrible place to be, The silver lining is that it can dealt with, there ways to come to terms with that brokenness or at least accept it, shake hands with it and put it to bed.

Of course - some people just like to party but it is easy to tell a party drinker from an alcoholic drinker.

Ask him outright what he thinks his relationship with alcohol is - he is marrying your daughter after all and owes you that honesty, he is supposed to take over from your protecting her and he becomes her protector. Don't judge, let him tell you, offer support, point him to AA. Addiction grows in the dark, bring light to it and keep doing so because he will thank you for it in the end, if he is an alcoholic. The only other option is misery and chaos - for him, your daughter, any kids they have/may have, you and your wife, his friends. I hope for you and him that the best comes.
 
<3🔥👍

justme6263 said:
Alcohol was the first thing to get me hooked - waking out of sleep with cold sweats to swing straight brandy from the bottle, and it just got worse. It tok me getting hooked on heroin to get off alcohol. Addiction to anything is the sign of a broken person, in some sense imo at least, it gives relief from whatever it is that is torturing a persons mind because for me at least my mind was a horrible place to be, The silver lining is that it can dealt with, there ways to come to terms with that brokenness or at least accept it, shake hands with it and put it to bed.

Of course - some people just like to party but it is easy to tell a party drinker from an alcoholic drinker.

Ask him outright what he thinks his relationship with alcohol is - he is marrying your daughter after all and owes you that honesty, he is supposed to take over from your protecting her and he becomes her protector. Don't judge, let him tell you, offer support, point him to AA. Addiction grows in the dark, bring light to it and keep doing so because he will thank you for it in the end, if he is an alcoholic. The only other option is misery and chaos - for him, your daughter, any kids they have/may have, you and your wife, his friends. I hope for you and him that the best comes.
Click to expand...

🥺😢
 
Over the years I've learned that there are as many types of alcoholism as there are alcoholics. For me, it took decades of trying & failing to control, moderate, or quit drinking. I had to bottom out multiple times, losing everything, nearly dying on several occasions. I didn't truly sober up for good until I was 64 years old. However, my alcoholic best friend quit drinking on his first attempt at age 33 and never looked back.
Go figure.
 
jasperkent said:
Over the years I've learned that there are as many types of alcoholism as there are alcoholics. For me, it took decades of trying & failing to control, moderate, or quit drinking. I had to bottom out multiple times, losing everything, nearly dying on several occasions. I didn't truly sober up for good until I was 64 years old. However, my alcoholic best friend quit drinking on his first attempt at age 33 and never looked back.
Go figure.
Click to expand...
Perfectly put. I give you a handshake for you finally getting over the demon too mate, its anything but easy.
 
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