Dating someone who admits that they have had a homosexual experience in the past?

[Sprout]

It makes 0 difference to me. I've had gay experiences and I'm never going to deny that to a female. To me, sex is sex is sex, regardless of what is in their pants.

 

[bees_knees]

Yeah I see any sex as sex and it all works for me. I'm a guy and if my female partner I'm aiming for (just want dudes for sex heh) has had bisexual experiences then that just tells me she's a horndog and that turns me on more.

 

[nuttynutskin]

I can't see why these sort of things would actually bother people, and if they do, its a good sign that this sort of person is not worth your time.

Idk, everyone has their preferences. I doubt if I was a woman I would knowingly be with a man with previous homosexual encounters. Just like some people wouldn't be ok with someone with past drug use or anything else. Nothing against gays at all, but I'm kind of surprised that so far in this thread not a single woman would have any issue being with a guy that slept with other guys. Maybe I'm just an intolerant chauvinist.

 

[Corazon]

20 questions

Men - how do you feel about dating girls who’ll admit that they’ve slept with other girls in the past?
Pretty much expected at some level. I'd be more surprised if she hasn't, although neither history would make a huge deal to me. Probably prefer she has if I had a choice.


What if they just gave the other girl head? Would it make a difference if either of the girls had used a strap-on or did any other type of sexual position/act, like scissoring or tribbing, etc.
I had to look up 'tribbing' pictures, nice. Makes no difference.

Would it really make a difference if they had used a strap-on on another girl since this means that they had been a top?
Interesting question. I never thought of that.
It would be somewhat of a puzzle, if she was always submissive w/ me ,but topping other girls. On the bright side, if she brought another girl in to play, that girl may be sub. Not something I would lose sleep over.

Would it matter if they actually loved the girl they had slept with/done something sexual with?
What if they claimed to be presently bisexual?
I'd be happy (happier even?) with a girl that was presently bi.
Love is a whole different story, where she'd either need to be over it now, or we'd have to work out a poly relationship.

Importantly, how much do STD’s and the concern over STD’s factor into your thoughts on this topic?
We'll get tested, but the results to these questions aren't really influencing that.

 

[Corazon]

Yea, all of the answers on here are pretty much what I was expecting...everyone on this thread seems to be very open-minded about this topic, and that's being said in a good way.

Well, as for my background/input:

I've slept with girls and multiple pre-op transsexuals before, and yes, I've gone back and forth, and yes I've been tested, and I'm HIV negative.

That being said, I've never told any of the girls I've slept with about my encounters with transsexuals...and it's one of those things that I feel guilty about keeping a secret, but, at the same time, as long as I'm disease free, is it really any of their goddamn business, long term relationship or not?

Also, my past encounters with transsexuals always had a common denominator - speed. I was always high as a motherfucker on speed/amps when I had sex with transsexuals, and it's very awkward for me to talk about all of that background with girls that I'm seeing, especially since I haven't touched either speed or transsexuals for a few years at this point.

At least, in America, I do personally feel like it's easier to say that you're 'gay' or 'straight' than saying, 'Well, I kind of go back and forth...but not with guys and girls, with transsexuals/girls'. I guess it's just me on here, but I HONESTLY, in real life, don't see how any relationship I have with a girl would last very long after me talking this over with her...I'm just being realistic, a lot of people will say they have these open attitudes about people's past sexual history, but when they're actually faced with it, it's a different story. (By the way, I'm not calling out anyone on here when I say that - if you're lying on a forum like this, I have no idea why you're bothering - I'm just talking about people you meet in everyday life...)

I really never see myself being truly honest with a girl about my past sexual history - I just feel like I'm bringing up so much baggage that she really doesn't NEED to know and that could very well end up being a deal-breaker...why take the risk?

I will admit though, that part of my viewpoint is from having just slept with pre-op transsexuals before - yea, they had dicks, but you can say what you want, they were taking on the appearance of a female, they were taking estrogen injections to look more feminine, and their asses were as tight as any pussy...

That's a tough question.

A history w/ TS is going to get a negative reaction from a lot of women, although the rare cool one will not care.

IMHO, the fact that you are tested is the main thing, and that being truly honest about all your experiences is probably not going to be the best policy with all your current and future partners, especially if you've done some 'exploration' like it sounds that you have.

 

[sadkid]

I'm bi and I think that if I was straight, I would be kind of weirded out, but if you really do love the person then you should be fine, after reading this blog, I told my boyfriend that I was Bi and he broke up with me, and then the next day I met the girl that he was cheating on me with.

 

[steve022]

I'd say it wouldn't matter if she had been with women before, in fact, I'd think it was pretty cool. However, although the idea of having a MFF threesome obviously would be something I'd be into like any other guy would be, I wouldn't be able to accept a woman cheating on me with anybody. However, for some reason, I'd be much less bothered by a woman cheating on me with another woman than if she cheated on me with a guy. Also, I'll be honest and say that I wouldn't be down with being with a woman who had a history of extreme promiscuity whether it was with guys or women.

 

[Teabag Johnny]

I'm pulling out of retirement to reply to this:

I believe a lot of women here are going to try to be politically correct, and say that they would not be concerned about dating a homosexual or bisexual who has experience not only giving oral sex, but being on the receiving end (the bottom end) of anal sex. I haven't read any replies, but any woman telling you she is not concerned at all is probably lying her ass off.

According to the CDC, gay men are 44 times more likely to contract HIV. Everyone knows this or at least has an idea of this being a high number

http://www.gmhc.org/news-and-events/press-releases/gay-men-44-times-more-likely-to-get-hiv

Look I know it's probably not right, but gay men are going to be stereotyped just like particular black men are at times. Don't let any woman here fool you.

 

[allthedays]

I'm late to this party but finding myself in this exact scenario led me here. I'm a small town, late 40s female that just found out her BF of almost a year has had casual sex with other men in his not so distant past. I've ALWAYS believed that would be a deal breaker. The reality is, it's not. Secrets and lies though, well...that could end us. My initial suspicion was brought about completely by accidental but I actively sought confirmation. He has no idea I know. If you're going to peruse m4m encounters online, close the dang page when you're done. Especially if you know someone will be using your phone. I went to close the phone app when I was finished because I close apps on my own phone and BAM....there were a Craigslist listing with a picture of a naked man and a "gay sex" porn video.... Much to my surprise, I've never said a word about seeing men. I did say I saw women and asked wtf and why and at another time, the topic of men came up? He chose to partly lie. One lie is all it takes to create doubt about everything ever said. An ex girlfriend contacting him led to my active pursuit of truth. I was cheated on by my now ex husband and it literally (I do mean the literal definition of literally) almost died as a result of the shock of finding out. It was a miracle to open myself and my heart to another man knowing Love has the power to legit kill me. So far, he's only looked at these ads and many porn sites. Porn was another issue that oddly enough I've accepted. I'll admit I'm worried though because eventually an ad will truly catch his attention. On one hand, I understand withholding that info from me. He's a gorgeous and extremely masculine man and would be humiliated to know someone knew his secret. In my opinion though, to keep secrets means you don't have faith and trust in the other person to accept you 100% and THAT, I'm afraid IS the deal breaker. I had no secrets, until now that I can't say what I know. I told him everything in my past to give him the freedom and choice to decide if he could accept all or not. I wasn't given that choice. So....my answer to those questions is No, it makes no difference what his sexual past was. My only concern is his sexual conduct while in a relationship with me. However, hiding your true self from someone you claim to love.... Not fair to either person. We all deserve to be loved for exactly who we are. The saddest part for me is that we could have genuinely had an unconditional friendship in this relationship but knowing I'm thought so little of that I can't be told the truth has caused me to lose respect for him as a person and I've begun to disconnect. The truth usually finds a way to be revealed, especially in this day and age of technology. Be real, be you and if someone can't handle the facts, good. Hold out for the one that will. Thanks for the opportunity to vent and for showing me that it's ok for me to be ok with a man's homosexual/bisexual past. No matter how it turns out with him, I've grown and changed for the better.

 

[SamanthaB]

Hi Allthedays,

I can tell from your post that this is really upsetting and painful for you. I am sorry that you are dealing with these issues and that things work out the way you want them to.

I am curious, have the two of you ever had a conversation about being exclusive? Or, is that something that you assumed? I think it does make a difference. Let's assume you have, then you have the issue of whether he has to tell you everything about his past, as you have about yours. I do not think anyone is obligated to disclose their past unless they choose to. Hopefully, as a relationship becomes more emotionally intimate, one would want to disclose the good, the bad and the ugly about themselves. But, I don't think there is any law that says you must do that. But, it seems like you feel it is something that your partner should do, even though you say that it makes no difference to you what his sexual past has been. The reason I say that is because you made a real point of saying you had disclosed everything about yourself for full transparency and one should not hide their true self from someone they claim to love.

Now, if you both agreed to be exclusive and, since then, he has been cheating on you with a man (or a woman) that is a BIG problem in my book. Some would not think that just looking at men or women online on an app would fall into the category of cheating, but it may in your book. Not to say that I would not think it was a red flag of some kind for me.

Given all of the above, all this bothers you and it appears that you are going to need to discuss your feelings with him if you are going further with this relationship, including how you accidentally found the information from the app when you used his phone. The cat is out of the bag for you and you can't put it back in.

If you two have never had a conversation about being exclusive, then you have different issues that need to be discussed. I don't think I need to go into all those except to say that you need to get that figured out first and go from there.

 

[llama112]

Women – how do you feel about dating guys who admit that they have had a past gay sexual experience? people experiement. is he with me now exclusively? okay I don't care, probably good that he's experiemented in the past.

What if they told you they did give a guy a blowjob? What if they told you that they swallowed? same as above

What if they admit that they fucked a guy? same as above

What if they were the one who got fucked by the guy? same as above

What if they admitted that they were in love with this guy that they had a sexual experience with? same as above

What if they said that they were still attracted to men as well as women, making them bisexual? dated a bisexual guy. so same as above.

Importantly, how much do STD’s and the concern over STD’s factor into your thoughts on this topic? has been seen safe? has he been tested? this matters whether he slept with males or females..

would any of your answers to the above questions be at all affected by your current S.O. saying that their previous homosexual experience was with a transsexual? Specifically for women, further, would it make any difference if the transsexual your guy had slept with was pre-op (still has penis) or post-op (had artificially constructed vagina)? doesn't matter to me.

 

[treezy z]

I don't care if a girl has been with another girl. If she's been with a man that's had a gay experience the disease risk is too high (don't ask for the stats on gay men, you know it's true I know it's true HIV is ridiculously more common with them. Dispense with the feigned PC outrage, you're not a better person than me because you're easily offended by facts.)

 

[allthedays]

Wow....i had made a long reply but apparently was logged out so it didnt post. Ugh...ok, a quick recap instead. Yes, we had the talk of being exclusive. He brought up the subject. To the point that he wasnt ok with me being friends with an ex or even with my best friend, a gay man that has never been with a female. Ever. His reasoning was that I sure wouldnt want him friendly with any of his exes. Ummm, why not? Arent we adults that can control ourselves? I guess not. He knows i know about the porn from seeing it on his phone. We almost broke up over that. He was embarrassed to the point of tears. He chose to not break up though. Telling him i also saw the men wont change anything at this point. It cant fix that he didnt volunteer that info. He asked me my sexual past. Another woman, man and woman, 2 men? I answered truthfully. He lied. At some point a three some topic came up and he straight up said he would never with 2 guys and a girl because he wasnt "gay". Ok..... Yet he discussed or may have even participated in a three some with 2 other men. Mentally, i understand the stigma he wants to avoid and i would never tell anyone what i know. What im upset about is that i didnt get to decide myself if the risk was too great to get involved. That was selfish. I would never knowingly put another at risk so now that i know, its stay or be alone. I feel as if i were tricked into the relationship. I do not think he would cheat on me with a woman. I am very concerned about men though. Theres no reason to still be looking at m4m casual encounters unless hes still looking looking. I chose to accept his porn in spite of the fact that my self esteem takes a hit every time. Again, mentally, i get it. The rest of me doesnt. I do not think less of him or feel less for him for having been with men. My loss of respect is only due to showing me zero respect by lying and withholding information that i was very entitled to have once he requested the same info from me.

 

[Twilight222]

I was with a bisexual man for a year and a half - he told me a few months in and then slowly brought in gay porn, incessany spoke about doing DP with me, wanted to attend sex parties, etc.. Initially I was pretty surprised as he was an athlete, super hot, etc., what had me really preoccupied was the question of if I was ever going to be enough with his type of (extremist) history. I could have spared myself much heartache by being far less “cool” about it all. After finding active Adam for Adam accounts, and being cheated on with men and women over and over again, my health and sanity were so jeapordized that I am just now STARTING to recover 2 years later. And yes, he was a bottom (as a 180lb bodybuilder) and yes, he swallowed. I was so preoccupied with being politically correct and open and understanding that I didnt understand his narcissism and selfishness trumped any dedication to my happiness. Experimenting, openness, those are beautiful things. But taking advantage of another persons overestimation of your integrity is fucking evil.
Wouldn’t go there again.

 

[SamanthaB]

H Allthedays,

Geez, I now see where you are coming from. I do think that once you guys became exclusive (and maybe way before), he owed it to you to tell you that he has had recent relationships with men and that you would then be able to choose or not to get involved with him given that and his recent history online. However, I do wonder how many people would do this? I guess if I had had a relationship with a woman in my adolescence, I would see no reason to disclose that, as most people have at that time in their lives, but if crossing over was something that was recent and was kind of ongoing by viewing apps that have to do with same sex people, I think a potential partner should have the information. I do think that his embarrassment, and maybe shame, about his sexuality probably kept him from talking about it with you. Unfortunately, such is life. I am sorry that this happened to you and not sure there was anything you could have done to avoid it, except maybe insisting on full disclosure about his sexual past. You might or might not have gotten that given his issues about it. I guess in the future, you will have decide how important this is to you to insist on this information now that you know people can have this kind of history. Don't you just hate how every new relationship we get into presents us with new situations and circumstances that we have not encountered before and we are forced to learn from? UGH.

As far as losing your post, there are a number of ways you can handle this I have found to get your written material back. Log out and log back in and go to the place in the thread you would write your post. It will say "auto saved" at the bottom of that box. Press that and your material you were writing will come back. The other things you can do when it says, " You do not have permission to compete this action...," highlight what you have written and copy it, then delete what you wrote, sign out (if necessary), sign back in, come back to the thread where you were trying to post a response and paste your response back in.

 

[SamanthaB]

Dear Allthedays,

I just wanted to add something that may help you in your situation that has to do with "learning." I know it has really helped me. Not to be preachy about "learning," but my belief (and it may not be yours) is that we will come back over and over as a different person after we die; however, only if we choose too. We elect to do this to work on aspects of our souls that need it. All these awful things we experience, as well as the good experiences, will help us the next time around. In addition, because we choose to do this work, we cannot know what we are here to learn when we come back; otherwise, we would not be able to learn and evolve. As a result, the work will often be very painful. This belief has helped me enormously when I go through those "learning" experiences, and when I am in a lot of pain from them, I ask myself what am I suppose to be learning from this experience right now. It often puts things in perspective for me and helps me step back and regroup.

 

[alasdairm]

Dispense with the feigned PC outrage, you're not a better person than me because you're easily offended by facts.

to whom are you talking? you're criticising imaginary people for something that's not happened

alasdair

 

[washingtonbound]

I have a very gender neutral attitude when it comes to sexuality. I actually prefer women I date to be bisexual because that usually means that they are comfortable with their sexuality and open to trying new things (also the prospect of a FFM threesome is alluring). I identify as straight but have had a gay sex experience in the past and I would probably disclose that at some point. If anyone is judgemental about someone’s sexual preference that usually means they aren’t comfortable with their own sexuality and I don’t think someone with that attitude would be worth dating anyway.

 

[Seattle_Stranger]

My (now) wife told me about her past bi-curious adventures on our very first date. She was 17, and I didn't find it weird at the time. Furthermore, less than a year into our relationship, she had oral sex, both giving and receiving, with another woman right in front of me on my apartment floor. Was a huge turn on for me. I could honestly say that I would love to observe her do it again now over a decade later. We couldn't possibly be more happily married.

 

[pofacedhoe]

I'm pulling out of retirement to reply to this:

I believe a lot of women here are going to try to be politically correct, and say that they would not be concerned about dating a homosexual or bisexual who has experience not only giving oral sex, but being on the receiving end (the bottom end) of anal sex. I haven't read any replies, but any woman telling you she is not concerned at all is probably lying her ass off.

According to the CDC, gay men are 44 times more likely to contract HIV. Everyone knows this or at least has an idea of this being a high number

http://www.gmhc.org/news-and-events/press-releases/gay-men-44-times-more-likely-to-get-hiv

Look I know it's probably not right, but gay men are going to be stereotyped just like particular black men are at times. Don't let any woman here fool you.

so the op asks women for their opinion and you render it all redundant cos you have one of your own, and clearly that trumps any womans opinion

okay good one lol