Dating/Sex in Sobriety

[Jabberwocky]

So I've been single for a while. Now I'm getting more and more interested in dating and seeking out a worth while, long term relationship. My philosophy has always been to wait for it to come to me, which worked well for me in the past. It's just that now I'm kind interested in trying something different.

I'm wondering what others experiences have been once they've been sober for a long time in terms of relationships, both sexual, going on dates, or staying single and like a-sexual.

I'm not exactly lonely, but I've noticed that there is more and more sexual energy building up inside me. And not just sexual energy, but romantic desire as well. Like the pleasure of waking up next to a warm, attractive naked body. I really miss that, and all the other sweet moments one can share with their partner.

So anyways, what have your experiences been for those of us who are or have been sober for any length of time (although I'm most interested in those who've been sober for at least six months to a year) in terms of sex, relationships, dating and all that jazz? Thank you for the input!

Mods, I see how this might be better of in SLR, but I'd really rather it stay here in SL given that the question centers around sobriety.

I've been trying to remember what it feels like to be in love. It's been a while.

 

[Stargazer]

Good for you toothpastedog. All of that is such a great sign...

I had gotten used to being fucked-up to be a "better" version of me when I'd go out w someone. And also sexually, to be more relaxed etc. At first when I was sober and dating, I felt like a nervous wreck and wished I could take that edge off...hence why bars have alcohol I suppose lol. We both know that being high leads to bad decisions, and many we'd never make sober. From your posts, you sound like a wise, down-to-earth person.

I found, in terms of a committed relationship-I had to be with someone I could tell my story to. What I mean is, that it was new to me trying that stuff sober. That I was feeling vulnerable, and a bit shaky....and when it comes to the point you're going have sex, having someone that is sensitive to you feeling all of that. If it's someone that plows you down like an over-eager puppy despite you telling them where you're coming from-then they aren't the person you want to be with. Also, having sexual desire being built up tends to help overcome feeling shy or self-conscious.

And I had some bad experiences when dating....and some good ones...just like with anything else. What I'm hearing from your post is that you're ready to take those chances. You'll remember what being in-love feels like when you feel it And indeed there are so many kinds of love. It depends on what you're looking for at the time. It's ok, I think, to have someone you care deeply about, but aren't tripping over yourself in love with, to have a relationship with....but, it's that tripping over your own feet feeling that we all want...but that doesn't mean that's the person you should have a lifelong relationship with. I think it's all about timing, more than that one right person.

It sounds like your body is awakening.....and, like everyone, you long to be longed for (romantic love). And to have someone put the effort into you, to be romantic. That is a deep, innate feeling. And shit, it's also nice to long for someone too. To get that giddy feeling when you see their name on the phone...or when you know you're going to see them.


In closing, it's been good...and its been bad. But, that's what it takes to get to the person you want to give all your time to. I am like you in the waiting for it to come to me-but I think it's cool to go for what you are wanting. There's nothing wrong with that at all. I also think it's cool your're up for trying something different. Somehow, I have the feeling you're going to do just fine.













If