I have been dating (and now live with) a former sex worker for the past 2 years. She used to work in the industry for 10+ years, as she was raising children by various partners (Both partners she divorced after the relationship ended badly, which she won’t explain why) by herself. She has bought a house, numerous vehicles and nice things for herself from the money she used to receive. Now she's an academic, published author, and completed her PhD. My concern is that she has returned to that line of work. She receives only a meagre income from teaching (which is sporadic due to short semesters and long breaks), she still spends around $400 - $600 per week on rent, a nightly bottle of wine, and clothes (although she always states she gets them on sale). She is extremely smart, very private (she has photos of herself with other friends on social networking sites, but only the one of us), and she guards her phone very strongly (although i was caught going through her phone before which I’m ashamed of, I had concerns she was still in the industry (which she denies) as i came across photos of herself in lingerie, amongst other photos of family and friends. I already have trust issues from a problematic childhood, especially about older women which she is over a decade older than I. I would like to marry her one day, but with her spending, sexy photos, phone receiving comms at all times (i asked her about this, she says they're notifications from a game she plays), plus her security on her phone (although as mentioned I got caught snooping). She has a strong psychological background, she works the same hours each day (6 days a week, 11hrs a day, but is always home before dark) as she has a lot of work to do. I don't know why she still keeps racy photos of herself on her phone (perhaps to bait me as she most likely would think i would ask her why, and therefore know i've been snooping again). She says she loves me (sometimes I can see a sparkle in her eyes which melts me after I tell her, I try to complement her every day). We live together, and talk about our future together. In the beginning our relationship was quite tumultuous, but now it’s a lot more stable (I was horrid to begin with as I found her past extremely confronting, I don’t anymore, which doesn’t excuse my behaviour at all). I think she has more money saved for a rainy day then she lets on (which would explain the clothes and wine), but why is there almost no digital presence of us, when there is of others, some who she only knows as an acquaintance. More often than not sex is very clinical, and she admits she’s lazy in that regard also. I want more than anything to trust her, and grow with her. I don’t see her for 11 hours 6 days a week, she has photos she can use to “work” again, plus she always brings up how little money she has (I often pay for her drinks when we go out, 9 times out of 10 to things she enjoys. I have asked me to come to things with me, mainly sports or gigs which I end up paying for both of us if she does) although she can afford a bottle of wine every night plus clothes, I’ve been snooping again and she clears one email account so that there’s nothing in the inbox, sent items, etc, I’m wondering if these are bad signs. What do you think BL community? I want nothing more than to trust her, but I believe she can be very sneaky and has lied about people contacting her in the past (guys). And although she’s an older woman, she wears a lot of skin tight, low cut clothes to work, even though she’s sitting down all day writing. I have mental health issues that compound my trust issues, so I’m leaning towards a “The best way to find out if you can trust someone is by trusting them” approach, although this leaves me quite vulnerable and worried, which causes insomnia and is affecting my physical health (I have anxiety, depression which are symptoms from PTSD during my time serving). I don’t have anybody close enough in my life to talk to, which is why I’m confiding in you BL community.
Thank you for your time.
