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DATING a WOMAN who was a MAN

eras3r said:
I don't see why it matters, tbh. If you truly love someone, it shouldn't matter what their sex/gender is past or present.
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I would counter that by saying even if you loved the person to begin with, that love was based on the false pretense that they were in fact always a female. If the relationship was based on a lie, the love was never legitimate to begin with.
 
wakinglyfe said:
As far as a relationship is concerned. It's even worse than cheating. I don't care how many operations someone has had, if they were born a dude, they will always be a dude. It's just too traumatic to put someone else through the confusion and pain of that trickery.

Like jam uh weezy said, he would be "scarred for life".
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But you still didn't tell me why it is so traumatic.

What is so bad about it?
 
For some people, war is traumatic, for others it isn't. Witnessing a murder or death is traumatic for some, not for others.

For some guys, it would be traumatic to have been with a guy you thought was a girl. You can't ask why it is, it just is.
 
For some guys, it would be traumatic to have been with a guy you thought was a girl. You can't ask why it is, it just is.
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Yeah, ditto, I couldn't really say why it's so bad either. Feeling like you've been conned would be a factor; also the fact that in my eyes it's a guy still, not a girl.

The way I see it, if you have had gender reassignment surgery, you have a responsibility to tell potential partners.
 
I can say from personal experience that it is indeed very traumatic. I gave a "girl" a ride during one Spring Break. I could have prevented a "Crying Game" like scene if only I had stuck my hand up "her" skirt before the "girl" gave me a bj. Better yet, said person could have told me what per was about beforehand. Needless to say, I was very angry, shocked, and nauseated. Between wretches and dry-heaves, I ordered "her " to get out of my car.
 
Jamshyd said:
But you still didn't tell me why it is so traumatic.

What is so bad about it?
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TO me, it would be the feeling that I was fooled. I wouldn't sleep with a guy, and I wouldn't seep with a 'girl' who i know used to be a guy. The other party involved would have clearly decieved me, and I value truth too much. To place my weener in a spot where one previously was is the equivilent to placeing mine where one currently is. It's like the shadow limb thing, that dicks is still there....don't they use the same skin?

I dunno, I've met a few of these "girls" and you can usually tell by subtle mannerisms and characteristics that they are post op, for me to fail to notice such things would be pretty distressing to me. I can't say if I would get violent or not, I have a lot of self control, but when I get pushed over the top, by other dudes, I kind of black out and am not aware of what my body does.
 
Id love to hear some stories (both trainwreck and non trainwreck) from people this has happened to. The hilarious paradox about the situation is if you are in a LTR, you have been betrayed more, but at the same time, you would probably be more inclined to forgive the person, as you are so close to the person, but if you are in a short term relationship, you are not being betrayed at all, but you are less inclined to forgive them... See what I am getting at.

Personally I dont think I could be in a relationship with someone who was trans, but I would never shun someone as a friend or act violently as a result of finding out.
 
i dont think it would matter to me. but then again i think it is more socially acceptable for women to date women (or men who used to be women) than it is for men to date men, even though weve all been trained to an extent to believe that gay is "wrong" or whatever bullshit. i would date anyone im attracted to and get along with well. gender is a biological technicality, like hair or eye color.

my bfs dad is a transsexual. he used to be man, was married, had three boys, got divorced, got a sex change into a woman and is now dating a lesbian. i love them both tho and wouldnt change a thing about them.

i think it would be harder on the children, though given the way society reacts to this kind of thing to say that one of their parents had a sex change.
 
Ok, I'll bite.

I think all the guys above who replied to my question have serious insecurities about their masculinity to work through.

I wouldn't be "traumatized" if I were tricked into sleeping with a girl (or less still, if he used to be a girl), and I am one of those exclusively gay ones. Sure, I'd feel cheated - but the fact that I slept with a (ex)girl? No, in fact I'd cherish it as a novelty and a funny story to tell in the future.
 
^Most TS who were formerly male are usually pretty obviously male. If not at first glance the easily with closer inspection. Sometimes we judge a girl by distance based on her figure, and we may find out we don't find her attractive at all once we get a closer peak.

Jamshyd said:
Ok, I'll bite.

I think all the guys above who replied to my question have serious insecurities about their masculinity to work through.
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yeaaaa......no.


I'm kinda confused by the way you worded the second paragraph. Your a homosexual guy? And you wouldn't be upset if you found out another dude you slept with used to be a girl?

That's a completely different story man...I'm perfectly comfortable with my sense of masculinity, as well as my "inner sense of femininity" or whatever. What i don't like is false advertising. Even of the self.
I'd kick the shit outta someone who jipped me in a drug deal, I thought I was being pretty sane with the way I responded to this dillemma, yet you claim I have serious insecurities.:(

That makes me seriously insecure!;)
 
jam uh weezy said:
I'm kinda confused by the way you worded the second paragraph. Your a homosexual guy? And you wouldn't be upset if you found out another dude you slept with used to be a girl?
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Yes, that is what I meant.

Now you are going back on what you said, comparing it to a dud deal. What are you more incensed about - the fact that you were tricked, or the fact that you slept with (what once was) a man? You made it clear in your first reply that it is the latter that you are more angry about - and so your drug deal analogy fails here.
 
I made it clear it would be both, right next to one another.
TO me, it would be the feeling that I was fooled. I wouldn't sleep with a guy, and I wouldn't seep with a 'girl' who i know used to be a guy.
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There is no contradiction. The drug deal analogy was in responce to your remark about my reaction hinting at "serious insecurities."
 
Jamshyd said:
I was referring to that.
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I still don't see the contradiction. My initial response you quoted was vague, you asked, not to me directly, "But you still didn't tell me why it is so traumatic. What is so bad about it?"

So I extended further my feelings on the subject.

I didn't mean to offend with my initial response, i chose my words sloppily...
 
wakinglyfe said:
I would counter that by saying even if you loved the person to begin with, that love was based on the false pretense that they were in fact always a female. If the relationship was based on a lie, the love was never legitimate to begin with.
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If the person is living as a man, how is it a false pretense? That person has undergone therapy upon therapy to live as closely to a man as possible. If you fall in love with that person, they are by definition a man.

Just because someone is a female genetically, does not mean that a person does not live their life any other way than a male.

And, really, if you fall in love with someone, why does it matter? You fell in love with that person because of who they are not who they were.
 
There is a big difference between sex and gender. And for that matter, between gender and sexuality. The whole "trapped in the wrong body" problem does exist in many people's lives. Just because they're born with a penis doesn't mean they ever accept being male. A lot of people in here have pointed to mental issues. Call me what you will but I think a lot of trans people have mental issues because the way society treats them. Since they don't fit inside our brutal dualistic, patriarchal mode they're freaks, they're disgusting.

All that said, I think, perhaps, maybe I could be with post-op trans individual. I would be really sad that I could never have vaginal intercourse with that person however. That aspect would certainly put a strain on our relationship. But I don't think it's impossible, just improbable based on anatomy alone. :\
 
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