Darkness of the Present times... dont know what to do

[mr light]

I am so confused right now. I am unemployed with no income besides some of mother's help. I am in my mid-20's. Have a bachelor of science i got with honors but to which there are no jobs available for (pre-med... want to get into PA school but its hard). I'm in love with someone stuck in a relationship with kids (ouch I can't even hardly believe this, it started out with friends as benefits but something happened that i tried to prevent).

And i'm addicted. I take suboxone. if i stopped, i'd be very sick for a long time given my long history of abuse. I know that having my natural endorphin system messed up on synthetics is unpleasant. I don't know if i'd ever feel quite normal off it or if i could ever stay clean so long.

I want to say adios to everyone here, especially the girl i fell for, and move, or start over somehow. but i feel so alone even now, being home. i am thinking of joining the military maybe since i'd go in as lieutenant, get decent pay, maybe help get to my goal of the PA job.

i am lonely, sad, very unsatisfied by my stupidity of falling in love with a girl which will go nowhere, at least anytime soon, and could get me killed. but she is all i have. i see her once a week or so, talk to her almost everyday.. i have no one else i want to talk to.

i've thought of suicide a lot lately but am pretty certain i wouldnt do it. i just feel stuck. i'm afraid of change but very unsatisfied where i am. i need to get a new job soon but wanted to take a trip first.. maybe help people medically somewhere. i dont know.

i'm sure people are in worse environmental situations than me. whats bothering me though, is emotionally. i have hope for someday, something greater, someone i can love who is all to me, a good income... but i feel like this might just be a dream. sometimes i think, we all will die someday why not control it and just get it over with. i know this could take away chances of living a happy future, or even if its happy 10% of the time thats still a few years.

this is a disorganized ramble. i mainly am seeking advice on how to deal with loving someone who cant be with me, causes such great pain, pain i never imagined cause we are so much alike and have had amazing times together. i dont know what to do with my life and am looking for answers. maybe someone with experience going to college then the military could help with the other question. i probably couldnt handle it. i sure couldnt at this dark moment. my only comfort that is real is sitting in my bed with my dog. the great comfort of being with her seems fake in my memory. she seems more distant lately, less loving. it breaks my heart.

 

[deadhead507461]

this is a disorganized ramble. i mainly am seeking advice on how to deal with loving someone who cant be with me, causes such great pain, pain i never imagined cause we are so much alike and have had amazing times together. i dont know what to do with my life and am looking for answers. maybe someone with experience going to college then the military could help with the other question. i probably couldnt handle it. i sure couldnt at this dark moment. my only comfort that is real is sitting in my bed with my dog. the great comfort of being with her seems fake in my memory. she seems more distant lately, less loving. it breaks my heart.

I have gone thru losing my girl right after high school. She left me after 6 years together, since my 8th grade. I am still broken over it. I still think we were best for each other, for months I have been dreaming with a broken heart. Recently I came to peace with knowing it was over for good, and I have more happiness in my life knowing I settled my feelings.
You cant let this girl ruin your life or kill your will to push on. Let her go for good, if she wants you, she will come back, if she doesnt come back then she was never yours in the first place.

I am leaving for the military in a couple months, I tried college, but I only completed half of a semester. The military is going to set me on the right path in life, and I know it could help you too. They will pay you, feed you and teach you skills you will be able to use your whole life. I will be 3rd generation military and it has helped everyone before me straighten out their lives, i know it will build a structure and a path in mine or anyone's life, you just have to grit your teeth and get it done.
I would recommend the service for you, but you need to decide if that's right for you.

You must of had some dreams of what you want in your future before you were heart broken, you cant lose those dreams, you need to get your life back on track and stop pitying yourself. You cant depend on someone else to keep your life going, you are the only one who can fix you.

"Theirs nothing to stop us, from losing it all. So follow your heart and soul. Cuz nothing will matter, nothing at all, if you dont follow your heart and soul. Nothing will matter anymore"

 

[User Name Here]

First of all, the most important thing you need to know is that this WILL pass. You are in the prime of your life and you're still changing even. You have plenty of time to do lots of different things so don't give up on it all just yet. There are so many wonderful people out there you can meet, jobs or schools you can look into, places you can live, etc. I know it's so much easier said than done once you get stuck in a drug routine but it isn't impossible. Addicts can be so resilient but we tend to forget this. It's definitely possible to move on with life. Yours isn't over yet.

I want to say adios to everyone here, especially the girl i fell for, and move, or start over somehow. but i feel so alone even now, being home. i am thinking of joining the military maybe since i'd go in as lieutenant, get decent pay, maybe help get to my goal of the PA job.

That might be a good idea. Make sure you're 110% about it if you actually consider this though as it is a commitment that cannot be broken. If you decide to, do it soon because the cutoff is what, 25? I'm not positive but it's somewhere around there. Also, you would have incentive to stay clean. You wouldn't have any choice but to stay clean at least. Maybe taper off to prevent withdrawal and then go into boot camp which lasts up to 12 weeks depending on which branch you go into. They will let you pick a time to go to boot camp so you can prepare yourself for up to several months or even a year before leaving, and that gives you plenty of time to get your physical addiction in a better place. That's a good running start into sobriety, plus you don't really have time to sit around and be depressed about anything because you're so busy... I personally think one of the best things would be the benefits. If you're thinking of going into med school, they would more than likely help you get there, especially if you look into becoming a military doctor (or something to do with first aid). Finally, they provide you with health care that is REALLY good (it's what I use) and you will be able to see professionals concerning your mental and physical health issues.

I know a lot of people will say "don't do it" but when I think about all of the benefits--especially for an addict--I can't ignore how positive a change something like this could be. Of course you have to be clean before going in as well. They will piss test you during medical right before boot camp so remember that as well.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. If you have any questions about the military you can message me. I am really familiar with it all (except the Air force or Coast Guard actually) and I would love to do anything I can to help.

No matter what you do, please get yourself better soon! You have a lot to live for whether you realize it or not. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but I promise it's there.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hi mr light, first things first: please do not even consider suicide as an option. I know you're going through some rough times at the moment but as others have said, it will pass. You WILL find happiness. There are so many wonderful things life has to offer, and it's all just around the corner. But you have to actually be here to experience it.

Regarding the girl you're in love with, it's going to hurt so much, but I really think you should cut ties with her. It's causing you so much pain at the moment, and all with the possibility that it won't ever go anywhere is it really worth so much grief? I know you will find someone who is perfect for you, who isn't tied to someone else. The sooner you can move on from this girl, the sooner you can be truly happy.

I think both of your ideas about either joining the army or doing some charity medical work in an impoverished country are great. You should really look in to that. Change be very scary but the opportunities it brings can be SO rewarding.

Good luck man, let us know how you're going

 

[unsettled]

I think you'll be alright man, for the most part you're just going through a bit of a rough patch and that happens to everyone, especially the situation with the woman. Love is a bitch for everyone and can turn everyone's life upside down and does but life would be pretty fucking boring without it.

It just sounds like you need a change of scenery and an income which you could probably find without too much trouble. I mean you're educated, you have your substance abuse issues under control with the suboxone, you're young, this is your time.

If you really feel that relationship is dragging you down get the hell away from it (easier said than done, I always stay in dead end relationships too long or get hung up on the wrong girl so I know where you're coming from.) Life's short, try not to be too hard on your self and be on the look out for new opportunities on the horizon and grab em' when they appear! You'll be fine. Cheers!

 

[Mr Blonde]

mr light I can relate to your woman troubles, I was about to offer some advice until I re-read the post and saw there are kids involved so my situation is a bit different... I think you should cut ties like n3o said or at least take a break, step back, get some space.

 

[sid3]

You said "I'm afraid of change" Your not alone, most people are. The most successful people are the risk takers and those who are willing to step out of their comfort zone. Try to make some minor changes, rather than one major change that you may regret. The military may be a good place for you. Besides the pay, structure, and discipline, your life will be oragnized for the next few years. Going in as a Lt. is great. There is room for growth, it will look great on an application for school and work when your done. The services need MD PAs etc. There could be your answer. Getting housed feed and paid while your learning sounds good to me. You'll meet plenty of other women throughout your life, instead of pinning over this particular girl who has kids, is that really what you want, think about all the possiblities before you Getting away from the addictive life will open your eyes for sure. Even if your on a low dose of sub, it still effects your mood and thought proccess. Good luck in getting to where you want to be, taking a trip sounds like a good idea. Getting away for awhile is always good for the mind.