Dangling carrot?

I was preparing myself to finally accept that 'M' and I were done. I thought I was beginning to accept it.

After talking recently, I find that I've pushed my hardness away. Fuck that phony shell that really never protected me from anything.

Man, love is a good thing right? I know that I'll always love this woman. I'm kind of a coward but brave at the same time. I'm a coward because I fear that I'll feel pain if we don't get back together. I'm brave because I'm risking repeating the pain of having my dream of being a family with her and her kids smashed into shards of glass. Its not the smashing that is terrifying. Its the piercing of the heart and emotions that these shards will most likely do.

I'm doing the right thing for the right reason so perhaps the pain will be lessened if things don't turn out as I am hoping for.

I need to get well first.