Hello world first blog on bluelight. Couldn't sleep last night so I stayed up reading a numerous people whom I have a lot of respect fors blog's. It was a really interesting experience. It can be easy to forget that the people on this website are just like you and me, PEOPLE. Sometimes when flying through posts they are just an account name to me, but reading their blogs allowed me to see more of who they really are as a person. I'll throw out a little background info on myself, my name is Jason I'm 22 years old and I'm from Massachusetts going to a good university in Boston studying Biochemistry. I am also a heroin addict who has been struggling with it for almost two years now.
My addiction has really put the strains on my family, I had to take medical leave from my school due to my addiction having the upperhand. This was about a year ago. I couldn't go to class without being high and even if I was getting high I never did the work I just hung out with my junkie friends playing FIFA all night. At the time I was still together with my ex girlfriend who is the love of my life. Fast forward about 9 months and I'm living at home going to rehab trying to get clean so I can get back into school. My parents think I'm clean but I'm also on the last straw with them, if I relapse again I'm out of the house living at a shelter. Eventually I go camping for a weekend with my dad and girlfriend we bring plenty of dope for the 5 day trip. By day 3 we finish off our dope, and I wake up day 4 freaking out thinking there is no way in hell I can go these next two days without dope. I brainstorm some bullshit to tell my Dad as to why I have to bring my girlfriend home early so she can do some work or whatever. We get back to her house and she steals a check from her mom for an account that has tons of money and it's also an account that she hasn't looked at in years. We grab six half gram bags and head on back to her house to drop her off. Obviously before we get there we make a pit stop so we can shoot some of the dope. We were still very new to shooting at this point and so we both got extremely jammed. We arrive at her house where I'm looking to just drop her off and get back to the campground with my Dad. Her mom insists that I come in for a little bit to have a meal since I hadn't seen her parents in a while. I should've stressed that I had to get going, but I agreed to go inside. Her parents sit us down immediately and start tearing us a new one. Of course our junkie luck would run out that day and she decided to look at her account. She even told us that it was the first time that she'd check it in over a year and half but she had a gut feeling to look at it today. God damn that gut of hers. The jig was up, they knew we were using again and obviously they were going to inform my parents. The 2 hour drive back to my Dad was the worst drive in the history of mankind. All I could think about was that I'm about to spend two days with my dad camping while he knows that I'm using again, and as soon as we get back from the trip I'm going to be driven to a homeless shelter to start the next chapter of my life.
The camping trip after that was a blur as luckily I had a gram of dope left and pretty much kept myself in a dope coma for the rest of the trip. Upon arriving back home after the trip my mom and sister are there and you could honestly feel the tension as you walked through my house. God it was such a terrible experience. My family and I sat down and decided what the next step would be. I begged with them to let me go to detox and come back home right after. They weren't having any of that, we had tried it multiple times and a relapse always ensued not long after returning home. My parents were so fed up with me that they decided to pay for detox but that was going to be our last piece of contact for a long time. Once I was in detox I was on my own. I had to find a program my insurance would cover or find a sober house to live and work at. I realized that if I didn't work my ass off in detox I wasn't going to ever get clean, I was never going to get my family back and I most certainly was never going to finish school. These were all very important things to me. I was at my counselors office all day everyday while I was at detox telling him my situation and how desperately I needed to be placed somewhere. After 9 days we got me placed at a very nice rehab on Cape Cod in mass. He told me parents how diligent I had been there and how serious I was taking it and my parents started talking to me again. They were happy I was going to a program and they were going to drive me. Things were turning up.
The rehab really opened my eyes to the disease of addiction. They brought structure back into my life and they helped me open up and receive help for my issues as well as helping others when I could. They ingrained into me that I needed to do a meeting everyday. I graduated 30 days later with 43 days clean including detox, the most clean time I had ever had. My parents let me back into the house and gave me my car and cell phone, giving me the terms that I could have all the freedom I wanted but if I choose to abuse those freedoms and relapse I'm out of the house. Things were going really well at home for a while, I was doing at least one meeting a day, two on the weekends. Making tons of friends in the program, contacting and hanging out with sober people. I was also doing an IOP monday through friday. I was clean and loving it, my Dad told me he was so happy to have his son back. I reached 90 days clean, something I never though was possible. I got accepted back into Northeastern University from medical leave....my counselor wrote me an amazing recommendation.
Then I chose to gamble it all away. Before the first day of classes I chose to pick up. That was about a week and a half ago. I have been shooting dope constantly since about that time. Not only that but I have been shooting a lot of speedballs as well. I'm really scared of what the hell is happening, this totally blind sided me. I was doing so well, I was so happy, everything had fallen into place, why am I doing this to myself? If I don't nip this run right fucking now then I am going to lose everything I worked so hard for in the past 90 days. I'm shooting speedballs as I write this, a sick and twisted individual saying he is ruining everything while merrily shooting drugs.
So Jason what'll it be a great sober life with hard work and dedication or strung out and miserable? It shouldn't be that hard of a decision. Your in danger of walking straight off the edge off the cliff, but you know all you have to do is stop and about face.
My addiction has really put the strains on my family, I had to take medical leave from my school due to my addiction having the upperhand. This was about a year ago. I couldn't go to class without being high and even if I was getting high I never did the work I just hung out with my junkie friends playing FIFA all night. At the time I was still together with my ex girlfriend who is the love of my life. Fast forward about 9 months and I'm living at home going to rehab trying to get clean so I can get back into school. My parents think I'm clean but I'm also on the last straw with them, if I relapse again I'm out of the house living at a shelter. Eventually I go camping for a weekend with my dad and girlfriend we bring plenty of dope for the 5 day trip. By day 3 we finish off our dope, and I wake up day 4 freaking out thinking there is no way in hell I can go these next two days without dope. I brainstorm some bullshit to tell my Dad as to why I have to bring my girlfriend home early so she can do some work or whatever. We get back to her house and she steals a check from her mom for an account that has tons of money and it's also an account that she hasn't looked at in years. We grab six half gram bags and head on back to her house to drop her off. Obviously before we get there we make a pit stop so we can shoot some of the dope. We were still very new to shooting at this point and so we both got extremely jammed. We arrive at her house where I'm looking to just drop her off and get back to the campground with my Dad. Her mom insists that I come in for a little bit to have a meal since I hadn't seen her parents in a while. I should've stressed that I had to get going, but I agreed to go inside. Her parents sit us down immediately and start tearing us a new one. Of course our junkie luck would run out that day and she decided to look at her account. She even told us that it was the first time that she'd check it in over a year and half but she had a gut feeling to look at it today. God damn that gut of hers. The jig was up, they knew we were using again and obviously they were going to inform my parents. The 2 hour drive back to my Dad was the worst drive in the history of mankind. All I could think about was that I'm about to spend two days with my dad camping while he knows that I'm using again, and as soon as we get back from the trip I'm going to be driven to a homeless shelter to start the next chapter of my life.
The camping trip after that was a blur as luckily I had a gram of dope left and pretty much kept myself in a dope coma for the rest of the trip. Upon arriving back home after the trip my mom and sister are there and you could honestly feel the tension as you walked through my house. God it was such a terrible experience. My family and I sat down and decided what the next step would be. I begged with them to let me go to detox and come back home right after. They weren't having any of that, we had tried it multiple times and a relapse always ensued not long after returning home. My parents were so fed up with me that they decided to pay for detox but that was going to be our last piece of contact for a long time. Once I was in detox I was on my own. I had to find a program my insurance would cover or find a sober house to live and work at. I realized that if I didn't work my ass off in detox I wasn't going to ever get clean, I was never going to get my family back and I most certainly was never going to finish school. These were all very important things to me. I was at my counselors office all day everyday while I was at detox telling him my situation and how desperately I needed to be placed somewhere. After 9 days we got me placed at a very nice rehab on Cape Cod in mass. He told me parents how diligent I had been there and how serious I was taking it and my parents started talking to me again. They were happy I was going to a program and they were going to drive me. Things were turning up.
The rehab really opened my eyes to the disease of addiction. They brought structure back into my life and they helped me open up and receive help for my issues as well as helping others when I could. They ingrained into me that I needed to do a meeting everyday. I graduated 30 days later with 43 days clean including detox, the most clean time I had ever had. My parents let me back into the house and gave me my car and cell phone, giving me the terms that I could have all the freedom I wanted but if I choose to abuse those freedoms and relapse I'm out of the house. Things were going really well at home for a while, I was doing at least one meeting a day, two on the weekends. Making tons of friends in the program, contacting and hanging out with sober people. I was also doing an IOP monday through friday. I was clean and loving it, my Dad told me he was so happy to have his son back. I reached 90 days clean, something I never though was possible. I got accepted back into Northeastern University from medical leave....my counselor wrote me an amazing recommendation.
Then I chose to gamble it all away. Before the first day of classes I chose to pick up. That was about a week and a half ago. I have been shooting dope constantly since about that time. Not only that but I have been shooting a lot of speedballs as well. I'm really scared of what the hell is happening, this totally blind sided me. I was doing so well, I was so happy, everything had fallen into place, why am I doing this to myself? If I don't nip this run right fucking now then I am going to lose everything I worked so hard for in the past 90 days. I'm shooting speedballs as I write this, a sick and twisted individual saying he is ruining everything while merrily shooting drugs.
So Jason what'll it be a great sober life with hard work and dedication or strung out and miserable? It shouldn't be that hard of a decision. Your in danger of walking straight off the edge off the cliff, but you know all you have to do is stop and about face.
