• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

daily struggles with chronic pain...depression worsening

B

bellablue

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 7, 2012
Messages
21
Location
u.s.a.
Hello

I'm 22yr old female who has been diagnosed with 3 herniated disks and 2 degenerating disks in my lower back and 2 herniated disks in my mid back. I have been struggling with this pain for a few years. Tried physical therapy, chiropractor, a total of 5 cortisone shots, and opiates, anti depressants, muscle relaxers, anti-epileptics, etc. I am going to try acupuncture as well.

I'm also a single mother living on my own and working full time.

I have a history of depression and anxiety, which actually got better because of my daughter. Now though..I feel like everything is falling apart. I might loose my job because of these issues(I feel). My depression is coming back full force and missing work is bringing back anxiety in fear I won't be able to pay bills and support my daughter. Its like everything I worked so hard for is coming undone. I barely have the energy to get up everyday....the only thing that keeps me going is my daughter. Sometimes I take opiates for pain and also to get the energy to function...but because of my job, my doctor won't prescribe them to me.

Anyone else been here before? Its like I totally lost myself...
 
I would consider a university hospital-based pain treatment center, not a pill mill, but a place that will treat both body and mind.

I don't know if you are anywhere near CT, but Silver Hill Hospital's Pain Management program (www.silverhill.org) is a great place. If you're not nearby, then try to find a place with a similar ethos.
 
That's quite a lot to shoulder, OP - And by that, I mean the grandiose scope of your situation. I feel for you, though I could never know what it must feel like on the front lines. Be strong.

There are a lot of times in life, I feel, where we as people feel that admitting a bit of powerlessness over our life circumstances is a sign of defeat, and therefore something to shy away from. If you feel that you've made your castle out of sand, ask for help! I can see you're already doing that by reaching out to this community. My sincere congratulations, because even anonymously spilling your story can really twist you up inside (it would me)!

Let's talk support. What, in the way of real-world support networks, do you have access to? If finances are an issue at the moment, then for the moment set aside therapy which can be far too expensive. But there are lots of local and government centers, both for and non-profit, whose purposes are to help assist those struggling against losing odds. You can not expect yourself to shoulder the burden of a full-time job, single and early motherhood, and degenerative disc disease simultaneously. Even the most conservative philanthropist would take pity. So, tell me, where have you looked for help? If you haven't yet begun, where in your area might you begin?

Get back to us. Until then, it may not be okay at the moment - but you will be okay in the end.

~ Vaya
 
Does your job require physical activity or can you be on "light duty?" Do you have health insurance through your employer where you have access to mental health benefits?
 
bellablue said:
Hello

I'm 22yr old female who has been diagnosed with 3 herniated disks and 2 degenerating disks in my lower back and 2 herniated disks in my mid back. I have been struggling with this pain for a few years. Tried physical therapy, chiropractor, a total of 5 cortisone shots, and opiates, anti depressants, muscle relaxers, anti-epileptics, etc. I am going to try acupuncture as well.

I'm also a single mother living on my own and working full time.

I have a history of depression and anxiety, which actually got better because of my daughter. Now though..I feel like everything is falling apart. I might loose my job because of these issues(I feel). My depression is coming back full force and missing work is bringing back anxiety in fear I won't be able to pay bills and support my daughter. Its like everything I worked so hard for is coming undone. I barely have the energy to get up everyday....the only thing that keeps me going is my daughter. Sometimes I take opiates for pain and also to get the energy to function...but because of my job, my doctor won't prescribe them to me.

Anyone else been here before? Its like I totally lost myself...
Click to expand...

Oh I hear ya about taking opiates to function..I do it all the time,then I go to the YMCA to work out or go for a walk.So I'm lost too to be honest.
 
Many chronic pain patients have been there before. Have you considered the fact that your depression, anxiety, and pain are all psychologically and physiologically linked? I have found mindful meditation, acupuncture, and exercise to be far superior to any pharmacological treatment for pain. There are many specific things you can do, but the key is in finding something that will work for you.

You need to sit down with your doctor and come up with a treatment plan that will not only rid you of pain, but put you on a road to recovery. The bleakness of anticipating pain every day for the rest of your life is unbearable.

Perhaps you should look into a new doctor. I would recommend you try and get a sympathetic nerve block for your back. A licensed surgeon and pain management specialist will be able to do this. It is absolutely something to look into.
 
I have tried therapy in the past, before becoming a mother and even before high school ended. I was told I had clinical depression and anxiety disorder. I was doing pretty good until my therapist moved away and I had to start over with a new therapist. After 3 sessions of starting from the beginning, explaining everything, I got so disgusted I quit everything. I actually got a little better....until now, I have reason to believe I will be let go from my job.
 
muvolution said:
Many chronic pain patients have been there before. Have you considered the fact that your depression, anxiety, and pain are all psychologically and physiologically linked? I have found mindful meditation, acupuncture, and exercise to be far superior to any pharmacological treatment for pain. There are many specific things you can do, but the key is in finding something that will work for you.

You need to sit down with your doctor and come up with a treatment plan that will not only rid you of pain, but put you on a road to recovery. The bleakness of anticipating pain every day for the rest of your life is unbearable.

Perhaps you should look into a new doctor. I would recommend you try and get a sympathetic nerve block for your back. A licensed surgeon and pain management specialist will be able to do this. It is absolutely something to look into.
Click to expand...

Its just so hard to find enough time...btween working, caring for my daughter, and also helping my mom (she babysits, so I pay her electric, buy necessities like soap, toilet paper, etc and drive her places). I've gotten cortisone shots, helped for about 3 weeks then I was back to square one. I feel like I'm constantly fighting a losing battle!!
 
Missykins said:
Does your job require physical activity or can you be on "light duty?" Do you have health insurance through your employer where you have access to mental health benefits?
Click to expand...

Yes, I'm a machinist...light duty is why I think they "don't want me" anymore. Yes I have insurance but mental copays are pretty high, and all bills are paid by me, no help whatsoever from outside resources(including my daughters father)
 
If you don't find time to take care of yourself, you cant expect to be in a position to take care of others.
You have to find time for this.
 
muvolution said:
If you don't find time to take care of yourself, you cant expect to be in a position to take care of others.
You have to find time for this.
Click to expand...
How? When life doesn't stop for anyone and bills don't get paid unless you pay them. I'm just so torn...no energy to do anything I know I am neglecting myself but I don't know how to do it all. I'm trying I really am
 
I know this might sound trite because you have real financial problems and you feel so overwhelmed on so many levels, but have you ever considered a single-parents support group? The great thing about a group like this is that you are with people that completely understand your situation but also they can provide real help. A group of single moms in my community started getting together for a work day at each others houses. Two provided childcare for the whole group of kids and the others went to work on one members tasks. It gave them all a very satisfying social group as well as helping to get things done. Finding out if there are support groups in your area could probably be done through Social Services or you could talk to a few other single parent friends about starting your own.<3
 
Ive been there and still kinda am i guess with the chronic pain and mental illness (in my case bipolar disorder) merry go round. With one generally comes the other. There are not many chronic pain patients who do not have depression from what i have seen and really unless you have been through it yourself you can't understand what it's like or how fucking hard it is to get through your day.

I have trigeminal neuralgia which is neuropathic pain in the face. Basically it feels like someone is stabbing me in the face with a red hot poker when i get attacks of this. It's the only disease i know of that is actually called the suicide disease 8( . So needless to say that combined with bipolar NOS that without medication causes me to rapid cycle through moods quicker then a bunny rabbit in a wheel and also get awful mixed states things can get tough sometimes. If it was not for some people who i care about alot and who have helped me out loads over the years (you know who you are so i need not name names) i most likely would not be here right now. More then likely i would have killed myself years ago but now suicide very rarely even enters my mind because i have way too much to live for. I don't believe in a afterlife or any other great reward so for me i would just cease to exist. So i intend on making the best out of this life no matter how many curve balls it throws at me.

Currently i take gabapentrin and morphine for the pain. The clonazepam i take for anxiety and bipolar is also supposed to help TN pain. I am prescribed a ridiculous dose of 3200mg's of gabapentin a day but usually only take half that. I am prescribed morphine SR 60mg's twice a day and that along with cannabis usually keeps my pain down to a tolerable level and greatly reduces the frequency of attacks. I would strongly recommend that you see a pain doctor and get the proper meds you need to treat your pain. If i had not have gotten my pain treated and found a med combo that works i would have killed myself ages ago from the pain alone.

Other then that all i can say is try and hang in there no matter how shitty things get. Sorry you've got so much on your plate.
 
Thank you all for your encouraging words. I am staying positive and exhausting all my options. Sadly, I've pretty much tried everything and my doc thinks my only other option is surgery and this adds more stress to my finacial problems. My health needs to be first though, hopefully I can find a way to still pay bills. Its never easy for a single mom but fortunately there are ways others can help I just need to find them. Again, thank you for being supportive and caring
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top