daddy did it

[beanpoophead]

Im sick of tear stained eyes
and hearts so broken and bare
wondering why you did this
why your back to the bottle
once again, a baby and its food
im trying hard to make sense
of a life that ended 17 years ago
on the day you called special
that ended it all

heavy heart, sad eyes
cocaine imprinted on the mind
and the phone never rings
even if its for business
swallowed the medicine, hard
taken back into the pit
and its all cos i got my hopes up
thought this time it would be it
this time you’d change

brushed my hair back
fingers covered in life
the one i left behind
the first time i looked at you
and saw that look in your eyes
the one that said im invisible
as you took another swig
because i really thought you meant it
but these things never change

such a fool i am
to believe in what you said
the whispered words
followed by its cos i love you’s
the ones you can never mean
and now im 17 years to old
counting the sober days
is easier than counting the nots
and all you can do is stare

all i want
is the only thing you cant give me
because you’d have to change
the ultimate present I’ll never get
the dream that will never happen
the wish I’m not allowed to wish
hope is dashed by hopelessness
worthless hope that i tried
i tried so hard to believe in it

just go back again daddy
drink more and more
push those bottles back
tomorrow you’ll see
the look in your daughters eyes
when she can’t say i love you
because it would be a lie
love doesn’t hurt like this
and love is never enough for me

and daddy you did it
you took this life away
you did the hurt
and you did the pain
daddy, daddy
ive been tired for days and days
years and years
all stained with hope and tears
and daddy you did it

 

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

I try to read almost all
of your posts in here.
You've become one of my favs.
I get you.

My father was an alcoholic.
It's sad, because it's
almost as though,
it's a death wish.

And all the hurt and
frustration comes back to you
because you have the
what if I do this,
or show him I love him more...
there's so many what ifs....
and the burden becomes
heavy on your heart.

But you can't give up,
the endless battle
for survival.
Because it's a life
or death situation.

If you are mad at him....
don't restrain in telling him so.
Scream at him, yell at him.
Just do it loud enough for him
to hear you.

I, unfortunately,
cannot be heard anymore.

::huggles::

 

[beanpoophead]

^^^

wow thanks thats such a huge compliment! for the longest time i NEVER let anyone read my work. no one was allowed because i thought it wasnt any good. now i LOVE sharing it. it is such an encouragement when i hear positive comments made about it. it can make any blue day, pink.

i love my dad, i do. just today he surprised me with a beautiful handmade hope chest, but the things he does hurts me SO much. there is nothing more i want then to see him sober forever, but im sick of him breaking my heart with broken promises. its a hard situation

 

[katmeow]

This is a beautiful piece of work, thanks for sharing it.

*hugs*

 

[Dekloren]

such a fool i am
to believe in what you said
the whispered words
followed by its cos i love you’s
the ones you can never mean
and now im 17 years to old
counting the sober days
is easier than counting the nots
and all you can do is stare

all i want
is the only thing you cant give me
because you’d have to change
the ultimate present I’ll never get
the dream that will never happen
the wish I’m not allowed to wish
hope is dashed by hopelessness
worthless hope that i tried
i tried so hard to believe in it

:D

 

[Taliana]

Yeah im with you on this one, i also dont miss your poems. Very moving, and this piece was just simply very beautiful.
The way you keep going back to the theme makes me question how the hell you can write so well at 16/17!!! Then i realise, shes just really really talented...

Keep posting, though they are personal pieces, we love reading them, they mean something.