Mysticalis-Bluelighter
posted 17 November 2000 14:19
Jake stood there, looking at his wretched and depressed visage in the
bathroom mirror. He was sick of living, sick of the pain, sick of the agony. He was sick of his self-defeat, his failures, and his shortcomings. It was his latest failing that drove him to where he is now.
Her name was Isabel. She was the most beautiful and intelligent girl he ever met, and she had a heart of gold. He fell for her immediately, and was overjoyed when he learned that she felt the same way. He thought he'd have the girl of his dreams and that for once, there was light at the end of his tunnel. But this was his first foray into the world of relationships. He didn't know how to handle it. He had no clue what to do. He was a stranger in a strange land. He ended up giving the wrong signals and inadvertently ignoring her. She lost interest and, after much lingering, broke his heart.
Jake was devastated. He was angry with himself. He discovered his faults too late to repair. He had blown it with the one girl he truly felt was the one for him and he knew there would never be a second chance.
As the time passed, he took his self-hatred out on her and everyone else around him, giving them all the impression that he was a cold and unforgiving sadist. His actions began to terrify her, and it all spilled over one night at an outdoor party. Jake was in a drunken daze when suddenly all his feelings of failure, self-hatred, and pain overwhelmed him.
He violently lashed out towards his friends and towards Isabel before collapsing into a wretched vomiting heap. As they drove him home, he broke down in the car, crying uncontrollably in his self-defeat. The pain wouldn't go away, and it never will.
Jake's drug intake increased from experimental to dependency. He smoked
marijuana considerably more often than before and experimented with many a painkiller, often risking death via overdose, in attempts to make the pain go away. It never did. Jake also threw himself into the arms of girls from his past that could have been potential lovers, just to make himself forget about Isabel. His attempts were in vain and he could not forget her.
She was ingrained into his mind. He knew that he could not shut her out,
and he knew he could not rid himself of the miserable truth that it was his fault that she was gone.
He gained the opportunity to settle things between him and Isabel. They
managed to talk out their problems and iron out a friendship, but in the end, she didn't feel for him the way he did for her, and he knew that she never would again. He had lost her forever, and he pathetically attempted to fool himself that her friendship alone was worth plenty.
So Jake stood there again, wiping the sweat and tears from his face. He looked to his side and took a brief glimpse at the .45 he had acquired earlier that day. His hand slowly inched towards the gun, trembling as he picked it up and placed the nose to his temple. He closed his eyes and cried as his finger slowly squeezed the trigger. Then, he paused. He'd never go through with it if
the gun were placed next to his head. So he quickly stuffed the nose of his .45 into his mouth, the cold metal pressing and scraping against the roof of his mouth. He pulled the trigger and drifted away. The pain, the agony, the suffering - they all faded away, and with it, the light, as everything
faded to black. All was quiet and peaceful. Jake had finally escaped his
misery.
mine are below.......
i remember the night of march 16
when i pulled away from u in bed
and just rolled over and cried.
u tried to pull me back to you
and i refused to look at u
you begged for me to look in your eyes
you begged for me not to shut you out
now you're shutting me out.. completely
leaving me here doing nothing but crying over you
scared that i lost u
scared that i lost myself
you know what im not scared of
dying.
i never thought about ending my life before
until now.
being with you finally made me complete
being with you made me feel something real
being with you made me alive
(there is more.. this one isn't done yet)
----------------------------------------
Do you?
do you remember thoes words
the words you said when you told me you would never leave me
the words that you swore were real
the words i thought were true
do you remember that touch
when i first wraped my arms around u
when my body trembled in your arms
when our lips first met
do you remember crying
crying telling me you loved me
crying asking me to be here for you
crying because you needed me.
do you remember me
everything i ever said
everything i shared and tried to give to you
everything i became for you.
do you remember why you stoped
why you stoped calling
why you stopped writing
why you stopped loving me.
[ 26 May 2002: Message edited by: Bi KaNd*E* RaVeR ]
