Curious drug behaviour

[TryptamineBunny]

Over the past few months there has been a change in my approach to using our good friend mdma. While I enjoy a good rave/party like the next person, I am increasingly choosing to roll alone. This is mostly due to my own behaviour, which is becoming increasingly incompatible with my friend group. Basically I first become cat-like on coming up, purring and pawing at stuff, then I move to this kind of heightened sensual state.

As soon as the highest peak has passed, this spiritual/sensual descends into what I can only describe as extreme sexual fiendery. Everything then turns me on, every touch of carpet, every feeling of clothing brushing my skin and basically I just become a crawling rolling orgasm. I'm not complaining or anything really, as each experience is amazing and leaves me at peace with the world for days afterwards. The only real shame is difficulty finding other people who share the same notions of spiritual unwinding and nurture as I do.

I dont find there is a problem finding the climax while in this state. I am confused as to why anyone would want to come inside four hours of this blissful state. There's plenty of time after the main effects have worn off to work up to the deepest most explosive orgasm possible. Well I used to think that was the case until those damn 25x appeared. Sniffing some of that stuff at the tail end of an mdma hit brings the whole thing back again with added visuals and even more electrified skin. And now the 25x has a stacking effect on sexuality on me. Now when I finally get to climax its all the mdma induced energy plus the electric push of the 25x combining to create a shattering spiritual and visual release.

I am getting a little concerned at the intensity of pleasure in this experience and wonder if it would be possible to actually do oneself harm from such overloaded pleasure?

 

[futura2012]

I can only describe as extreme sexual fiendery. Everything then turns me on, every touch of carpet, every feeling of clothing brushing my skin and basically I just become a crawling rolling orgasm.

This made me laugh a lot. Wow sounds like you are clearly having fun :D

I am getting a little concerned at the intensity of pleasure in this experience and wonder if it would be possible to actually do oneself harm from such overloaded pleasure?

I dont think so as long as you follow the HR rules keep a watchful eye for any negatives sounds like you are having a BLAST.

Enjoy it whilst you can.

 

[TryptamineBunny]

Glad to make you laugh

The other concern I have from reading around is my dosage frequency. I go through phases of a few months where I take it almost weekly. I tend to only do a supplemental dose at the 2 hour mark, and never redose the next day or take hits larger than 130mg. Basically I decided to put myself through a series of self-invented medication phases which has had tremendous medical effects for me. Well until this sexual fiendery took over that is, and now the thing seems to have a life of its own.

I keep a constant eye open on measuring whether the benefits of the experience outweight the comedown days, and I still seem to be making a medical/spiritual profit.

Or I have stopped caring whether this is the case. Its kinda really hard to tell

 

[futura2012]

The other concern I have from reading around is my dosage frequency. I go through phases of a few months where I take it almost weekly.

Your crawling rolling orgasms will come to a rapid halt if you continue with this plan. Personally I would recommend no more than every three months. No more or face the hardship later in life.

and never redose the next day or take hits larger than 130mg.

Perfect

Basically I decided to put myself through a series of self-invented medication phases which has had tremendous medical effects for me.

Also good but unfortunately every suppliment / med in the world wont protect you from weekly abuse.

I keep a constant eye open on measuring whether the benefits of the experience outweight the comedown days, and I still seem to be making a medical/spiritual profit.

If you are young you wont see any harm yet. You will start to see the harm at approx 30 if you are in your late teens early 20s now. Thats the true danger of MDMA very often you only feel the harm when its way too late.

Please review how you are currently taking MDMA weekly.

Maybe have a look on a few threads where people are discussing long term comedowns, anxiety and general misery and ask yourself if you would like that to be you??

 

[TryptamineBunny]

Your crawling rolling orgasms will come to a rapid halt if you continue with this plan. Personally I would recommend no more than every three months. No more or face the hardship later in life.

Thank you for this advice. To be honest I thought I was beginning to push it too far, but I had no idea how much. I had been thinking about reducing it to monthly use, but I'm a bit shocked to see that even this may be too frequent.

If you are young you wont see any harm yet. You will start to see the harm at approx 30 if you are in your late teens early 20s now. Thats the true danger of MDMA very often you only feel the harm when its way too late.

I am in my mid 40's, which also helps explain why im struggling to find people into the same type of experience.

Maybe have a look on a few threads where people are discussing long term comedowns, anxiety and geneal misery and ask yourself if you would like that to be you??

I have been reading them recently which shocked me and prompted me to finally post instead of just reading.

Perhaps I discovered the other phenylethylamines just in time. I want a pixie experience at least monthly so will probably switch compounds, or mix them up so mdma one month, and 25C/I the next etc.

Is there a way I can tell if I have caused irreversible damage already? Since I (mostly) missed out on the 90's I have had very few pills, I tend to only get very pure crystal due to being lucky enough to have friends who have excellent contacts. I have been doing this intensive weekly thing for 3 month stretches about 3 times over the last two years.

Its hard for me to determine any damage as I have fallen far out of normal society for over 10 years now. As in long before I started my mdma therapy I appeared wierd to most people. I dont have any desire to live a long life as my older years will only be spent in poverty. It is very difficult to want to be healthy with such prospects. I really do want to burn twice as bright but half as long. Purring, if possible.

 

[futura2012]

Thank you for this advice. To be honest I thought I was beginning to push it too far, but I had no idea how much. I had been thinking about reducing it to monthly use, but I'm a bit shocked to see that even this may be too frequent.

Your welcome no worries. In my opinion I would say you are pushing it a bit. I am glad you have read up on things and started to see the pattern emerging. The younger Bluelighters will likely advise 1 month between rolls. You will notice it is usually the older ones who advise 3. This is no coincidence unfortunately when you start MDMA you dont feel the damage thats why one month gap "appears" okay. Six months of course is even better.

I am in my mid 40's, which also helps explain why im struggling to find people into the same type of experience.

Thats interesting. I had a friend about 5 years ago now who was the same age and hammering E every week. He got involved with a young girl approx 27 he met her through the rave scene. Got romantically involved etc. She got bored they split up. he completely lost it. Couldnt handle the break up. Sold his house, axed all his stuff went to India. never to be seen again. I havent heard a word from him since. Not necessarily a bad thing but the point is as we get older these drugs hit us much harder. Be careful my friend.

Perhaps I discovered the other phenylethylamines just in time. I want a pixie experience at least monthly so will probably switch compounds, or mix them up so mdma one month, and 25C/I the next etc.

Not true HR but certainly better than MDMA every week

Is there a way I can tell if I have caused irreversible damage already? Since I (mostly) missed out on the 90's I have had very few pills, I tend to only get very pure crystal due to being lucky enough to have friends who have excellent contacts. I have been doing this intensive weekly thing for 3 month stretches about 3 times over the last two years.

You can do memory tests and cognotive tests etc but the problem with this is you need a refernce point. If you didnt do these tests prior to taking any drugs there is no way of knowing how much damage has been done.

I can assure you that you will have done some rewiring of your brain how you define this "damage" or "rewire" depends on opinion but the more you take the closer you get to long term come down zone and trust me there are no pixies in that world

Its hard for me to determine any damage as I have fallen far out of normal society for over 10 years now. As in long before I started my mdma therapy I appeared wierd to most people. I dont have any desire to live a long life as my older years will only be spent in poverty. It is very difficult to want to be healthy with such prospects. I really do want to burn twice as bright but half as long. Purring, if possible.

I think all drug takers are outcasts in some way myself included

Right now I feel the same way about my own life. I feel MDMA has destroyed me but.. whether we like it or not we have a survival instinct. have I thought about suicide yes for sure. Have I researched it and know how to do it yes with razor sharp efficiency. Why do I not do this? I am probably one of the worst effected on bluelight I am locked in my sitting room I cannot face the outside world but yet I am still here. This my friend is SURVIVAL INSTINCT. Its in us all. You will get old and poverty you can live with but Panic Attacks, Shivering, Anxiety, Insomnia you will find a MUCH bigger problem. In my opinion your age is more the reason to take care not a reason for further abuse.

I dont want this to sound like I am preaching at you. I respect everyone has a personal choice but please dont go into that zone trust me its the most awful place in the world...

Futura

 

[TryptamineBunny]

Your welcome no worries. In my opinion I would say you are pushing it a bit. I am glad you have read up on things and started to see the pattern emerging. The younger Bluelighters will likely advise 1 month between rolls. You will notice it is usually the older ones who advise 3. This is no coincidence unfortunately when you start MDMA you dont feel the damage thats why one month gap "appears" okay. Six months of course is even better.

To the sinister bankster mercenary sorts who may browse these places looking for more victims, I say take note of the genuine harm reduction (HR) efforts being done here. This is the first place that alerted me to weekly use being perhaps a bit excessive!

Thats interesting. I had a friend about 5 years ago now who was the same age and hammering E every week. He got involved with a young girl approx 27 he met her through the rave scene. Got romantically involved etc. She got bored they split up. he completely lost it. Couldnt handle the break up. Sold his house, axed all his stuff went to India. never to be seen again. I havent heard a word from him since. Not necessarily a bad thing but the point is as we get older these drugs hit us much harder. Be careful my friend.

Its all or nothing for me now. As it was for this guy. Who hasn't necessarily ended up with nothing. By trashing his material past/culture he may very well be in a better place now. The need for care today diminishes as the number of days in the tomorrow ever decreases..

Not true HR but certainly better than MDMA every week

Found a valid alternative just in time

You can do memory tests and cognotive tests etc but the problem with this is you need a refernce point. If you didnt do these tests prior to taking any drugs there is no way of knowing how much damage has been done.

I can assure you that you will have done some rewiring of your brain how you define this "damage" or "rewire" depends on opinion but the more you take the closer you get to long term come down zone and trust me there are no pixies in that world

I can still write computer programs and learn new things even at this age. Certain amazonian magic trickling down the wires encouraged me to learn a bunch of basic chemistry from zero. So it seems my cognitive abilities still function reasonably well. Might just have caught this thing in time.

I think all drug takers are outcasts in some way myself included

It has always been this way. Those who break cultural boundaries will inevitably begin to live at the edge and then outside of them. It is the way of things.

Right now I feel the same way about my own life. I feel MDMA has destroyed me but..

I dont know you, but reading between the lines I think you may be being a bit harsh on yourself. Indeed, enough of me and my silliness which has now been recognized. What of yourself, unable to enjoy these things as you once used to. But look at what you are doing. Giving up your precious time, giving of your gift of life, to help others such as myself. Is there a more noble and wonderful contribution to your fellow humans? Where is this compassion outside of communities such as this? Nowhere my friend. Everywhere else people have their vested interests at stake. Before declaring yourself ruined by these things, I urge you to consider whether you would have had this compassion before your drug experiences. MDMA may well have changed you, but not necessarily ruined you. I hope I am not just sounding optimistic for the sake of it.

I dont want this to sound like I am preaching at you.

Not at all, I am humbly grateful for your well meaning good intent, and willingness to share the best information you can. This is exceptionally rare in my experience especially towards your general fellow man whom you dont know personally. Thank you, and I wish I had started communicating here earlier.

It is an irony that I chose this user name, seeing as I have far more respect for the tryptamines. I really should have chosen PhenylethylamineBunny as my nickname, for it is there I have been juping around far too freely hehe!

 

[TryptamineBunny]

Additionally I would like you to consider that perhaps all the insomnia, panic attacks and general discomfort with 'normality' is a sign that you are fully connected to your spirit, so profoundly, so directly that in fact it would be normal to have adverse reactions to this fake bankster induced reality.

I am sorry if this seems a little like cheerful optimism without a clue, but I really, genuinely, think there is something in this. Being able to cope and operate in a world of madness is NOT a sign of good mental health. If I can repay any of the kindness you have shown me, and presumably many others here, I pledge to put in the effort to reciprocate. Whether that be in public or privately.

Thank you again Futura, and in advance to other Bluelighters doing the same thing. Your efforts are not taken for granted, and deeply felt, particularly by this foolish walking talking monkey xxx

 

[futura2012]

Is there a more noble and wonderful contribution to your fellow humans? Where is this compassion outside of communities such as this? Nowhere my friend. Everywhere else people have their vested interests at stake. Before declaring yourself ruined by these things, I urge you to consider whether you would have had this compassion before your drug experiences. MDMA may well have changed you, but not necessarily ruined you. I hope I am not just sounding optimistic for the sake of it.

Not at all, I am humbly grateful for your well meaning good intent, and willingness to share the best information you can. This is exceptionally rare in my experience especially towards your general fellow man whom you dont know personally. Thank you, and I wish I had started communicating here earlier.

Thats a nice thing to say. thank you.

Certain amazonian magic trickling down the wires encouraged me to learn a bunch of basic chemistry from zero.

Some books that might interest you:

http://www.4shared.com/folder/3FnGm_lT/Chemistry.html

http://www.4shared.com/folder/nM4gT-vL/General_Synthesis.html

Thank you again Futura, and in advance to other Bluelighters doing the same thing. Your efforts are not taken for granted, and deeply felt, particularly by this foolish walking talking monkey xxx

Reading this it truly is a pleasure.

Go easy on that MDMA..

I would hit some supps such as piracetam, Omega 3, Krill Oil, Vitamins, Lithium if I were you. take a break for a while.

 

[TryForMe]

Just continue to be yourself. Put yourself in situations to meet other hippies who like to do molly.

 

[TryptamineBunny]

Those links all appear to be dead Futura. Shame because I would download all of those for future reference.

Thanks TryForMe, but that may take a long time if I stop the excessively regular use I have been doing, which I think I will do. I guess I'm just going to have to accept that some things can only ever be fantasy, or hope I meet like minded people in some way that doesn't require heavy use of such things.

Or just keep going on as long as I can cope with the isolation, and then bow out in the best way possible when it can no longer be coped with. Life is an experience, not a duration, and all that xx

 

[futura2012]

Click on link
Select book you want
Click blue tab download now
Click free download grey tab
Wait for count down
Click on download

I just checked them they are working

I am desperately trying to get the book total synthesis 1 by strike. if you have a source let me know.

 

[Just A Guy]

This thread is extremely fascinating.

 

[Brobi-Wan Kenobi]

Discussion's a little old but I'll chime in. OP seems female, but probably every time I rolled alone at some point included me blowing up every girl in my phone with texts. I never blew it and tipped my hand, but you are far from the only person who wants to fuck while rolling. It's kinda the best thing you can do while rolling.