DissidentPuddle
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2011
- Messages
- 3
I'm writing this cuz I need to vent. And maybe I could use advice. If it comes off as braggy or something, thats mostly unintentional. But only mostly. I just need the rant at the moment..I feel pretty lost and confused about things.
One day, while coming down from a major shroom trip, I decided to surf the internet and find some stuff about seeing aura. This turned out quite like the time I read about astral projection and evidently appeared to one of my friends..Yeah, I saw lights around my hands and so on sure, in a dark room. But it was weird, more like an outline glowing whitish a few inches away.
Later on, I met a wicked man claimed to be a warlock told me I had a clear aura. I received something very bad from him because of my abilities. It worked out in a very cliche manner that is typical of my interactions with others..including one the phrases that makes my life worth living "I've never told anyone this before but.."
Now, I don't know at all about any other crystal (clear) aura types, but I do know me. Basically, when I walk into a room, I pick up peoples vibes. I vibe their vibe. I start talking their talk, walking their walk. I'm still me, but I resonate. I like to describe it as chords..I walk into a room with people playing notes, I can put myself in the base note, or the high note, changing the whole chord up. Inverting chords, augmenting them, diminshing them, a minor lift, a major fall..Whatever. Or, as another friend described me "Your a mirror.", or, as another friend said "Its social. You pick up the best in everyone." (lord knows I wish it was the best. It used to be that way, but lately, its been so hard. So very hard to be good..To be me, to be myself cuz of this)
People can definitely tell when I do this. People who are routinely on top, leading and in charge of their particular clique will often despise me, if just cause I can shake things up in a way they can never understand. They might not 'get' it, but they can feel it, and these types certainly don't like it when I resonate myself into their established spot. The alphas of the group..The betas and so on always love it, if just cuz they'll start to see things they've never seen before and act in ways in their own group they never dreamed of.
Btw, I'm also a scorpio, so transformation, death and rebirth is my thing. As it happens, I've never entered into a group of friends as such and not witnessed the group split soon after. I don't think its cause I'm bad or wicked or nothing, I just shift energies. I certainly don't have bad intentions..Except, maybe, when I get drunk or high or something and lose control, which is something I endeavor to always avoid as its grossly irresponsible to play around with peoples lives using this gift. As a kid, I would often get in trouble for getting into fights. I'd respond to the teachers "If I'm a bully, I only bully the bullies."
In recent years I've discovered that, evidently, my energy shiftiness sometimes goes both ways. There are strange exchanges now that I can't explain nor can I understand them. I'm highly empathic. Its pretty twisted and hard to deal with often. I was with a rather spiritual friend the other day, and I found myself missing his cat and very sad. As I didn't really know his cat or have any interactions with said feline, I found it peculiar. I asked him about it, and indeed, that was what was on his mind at the moment. For a little while, I had been reading minds and having prophetic dreams too btw. But I asked the powers that be to make that stop. I don't like it.
A friend has told me I collect fragments of peoples energies. Another has said I absorb peoples darkness. A slightly wicked person told me I was an endless corridor of darkness. Its not important; I and most people regard me as fundamentally good. All are things I sympathize with and often don't like. It sucks feeling mad and sad all the time and not knowing why, walking into a room and feeling out of sorts..Shaking someones hand and feeling depressed...Or working with crazy people, and picking up their crazies.
But it is nice to have a kung fu teacher and being able to learn from him easier than most cuz you can just pick up his flow. Having spanish friends and more easily being able to communicate through that mode. Meeting someone with a peculiar interest or gift, and being able to emulate that in a way that most can't understand..Playing guitar with friends and being able to blend the energies there. Teaching guitar and having your student play in a way that is quite frankly beyond them, and then taking the energy back and watching their playing diminish..talking with an aura seer and being able see aura better..
But it does suck to meet energy vampires and be totally open to attack. It does suck to suck in peoples sadness and anger and problems and pain..It does suck to feel like your losing your mind all the time, to hear others voices in your head, with their issues and insults. To deal with someone with back pain and find stabbing pains in your spine that last for days. And worse, it sucks to find that, maybe your now vampiric yourself now cuz you unintentionally learned to emulate that too. To be an open vacuum for negativity..
To never feel like your totally you anymore. To feel like you've lost yourself..To feel like the only time your really yourself is when your alone. And even then, now you seem to have strange spiritual entities following you around, and your not totally sure if your power doesn't work on them too, sucking in demon energy or some dumb shit. like an asshole unintentionally cuz maybe you did something foolish. And sometimes they tease you and do it to you on purpose, just to fuck with you cuz you have no real boundaries at all to speak of and judge nobody at all, cuz you can really feel why they do what they do. And you can't do you, even with your friends, cuz you get swamped by them and what they wanna do and its terrible. (no wonder I'm told I have a weak 3rd chakra).
Doing shrooms has certainly not helped with my stability in maintaining proper personal/spiritual boundaries. It has not done me any favors and has made these issues more intense, if not worse. There's positives and negatives here..And then, in a perhaps rash and impulsive attempt to undo the damage of said lost boundaries, using ritual magick like the LBRP half-heartedly in a lame attempt to make it go away, you find you've only made your problem worser!! Worrying that shrooms thinned your veil, you did a ritual that thinned it even more cuz you didn't know, you thought thats what it was for but you were wrong! And you barely tried at all! And now you fear you may be a MONSTER! A monster like the ones you thought you had to fight against...
Stealing energy. Stealing peoples pain. Stealing whatever you can get your hands on, stealing if it can be called that, cuz most the time they don't know, and your not entirely sure that deep down your not asking for it, whatever isn't bolted down, only cuz your a spiritual klepto or something, don't know how to stop. Oh sure, you can project too. You can make people smile, in a way that can be called small miracles. But that doesn't make the sadness and emptiness go away, cuz life has beaten you down and hard. You don't even wanna feel anymore cuz its too tough to deal with your own emotions and everyone elses too, so you cut that off. Cuz you know..You just know there has to be something better. There has to be a reason, a purpose you were given this gift..There has to be. There has to be a way out, a solution, a purpose, something. Anything..While you wander around lost and lonely, the only people that wander into your snowflake life just leading you into more and more shit, giving you more and more issues and pain to deal with..And..The light at the end of the tunnel..Maybe gifts, too.
Nevermind whenever you go to sleep strange things talk to you in your head. That often you share dreams with people unintentionally. And occasionally, you wander off set and the powers that be get pissed at you, in dreams AND in reality.
So..
Any empaths out there, or perhaps those with the so-called (and often considered nonsense) crystal or clear aura...Well. I could use me some advice. And I could give advice too. As someone thats struggled with his own depression (not having anything to do with the empathy thing), certainly I have a gift for the depression and problems of others.
Hit me up people out there. We're all in this together.
One day, while coming down from a major shroom trip, I decided to surf the internet and find some stuff about seeing aura. This turned out quite like the time I read about astral projection and evidently appeared to one of my friends..Yeah, I saw lights around my hands and so on sure, in a dark room. But it was weird, more like an outline glowing whitish a few inches away.
Later on, I met a wicked man claimed to be a warlock told me I had a clear aura. I received something very bad from him because of my abilities. It worked out in a very cliche manner that is typical of my interactions with others..including one the phrases that makes my life worth living "I've never told anyone this before but.."
Now, I don't know at all about any other crystal (clear) aura types, but I do know me. Basically, when I walk into a room, I pick up peoples vibes. I vibe their vibe. I start talking their talk, walking their walk. I'm still me, but I resonate. I like to describe it as chords..I walk into a room with people playing notes, I can put myself in the base note, or the high note, changing the whole chord up. Inverting chords, augmenting them, diminshing them, a minor lift, a major fall..Whatever. Or, as another friend described me "Your a mirror.", or, as another friend said "Its social. You pick up the best in everyone." (lord knows I wish it was the best. It used to be that way, but lately, its been so hard. So very hard to be good..To be me, to be myself cuz of this)
People can definitely tell when I do this. People who are routinely on top, leading and in charge of their particular clique will often despise me, if just cause I can shake things up in a way they can never understand. They might not 'get' it, but they can feel it, and these types certainly don't like it when I resonate myself into their established spot. The alphas of the group..The betas and so on always love it, if just cuz they'll start to see things they've never seen before and act in ways in their own group they never dreamed of.
Btw, I'm also a scorpio, so transformation, death and rebirth is my thing. As it happens, I've never entered into a group of friends as such and not witnessed the group split soon after. I don't think its cause I'm bad or wicked or nothing, I just shift energies. I certainly don't have bad intentions..Except, maybe, when I get drunk or high or something and lose control, which is something I endeavor to always avoid as its grossly irresponsible to play around with peoples lives using this gift. As a kid, I would often get in trouble for getting into fights. I'd respond to the teachers "If I'm a bully, I only bully the bullies."
In recent years I've discovered that, evidently, my energy shiftiness sometimes goes both ways. There are strange exchanges now that I can't explain nor can I understand them. I'm highly empathic. Its pretty twisted and hard to deal with often. I was with a rather spiritual friend the other day, and I found myself missing his cat and very sad. As I didn't really know his cat or have any interactions with said feline, I found it peculiar. I asked him about it, and indeed, that was what was on his mind at the moment. For a little while, I had been reading minds and having prophetic dreams too btw. But I asked the powers that be to make that stop. I don't like it.
A friend has told me I collect fragments of peoples energies. Another has said I absorb peoples darkness. A slightly wicked person told me I was an endless corridor of darkness. Its not important; I and most people regard me as fundamentally good. All are things I sympathize with and often don't like. It sucks feeling mad and sad all the time and not knowing why, walking into a room and feeling out of sorts..Shaking someones hand and feeling depressed...Or working with crazy people, and picking up their crazies.
But it is nice to have a kung fu teacher and being able to learn from him easier than most cuz you can just pick up his flow. Having spanish friends and more easily being able to communicate through that mode. Meeting someone with a peculiar interest or gift, and being able to emulate that in a way that most can't understand..Playing guitar with friends and being able to blend the energies there. Teaching guitar and having your student play in a way that is quite frankly beyond them, and then taking the energy back and watching their playing diminish..talking with an aura seer and being able see aura better..
But it does suck to meet energy vampires and be totally open to attack. It does suck to suck in peoples sadness and anger and problems and pain..It does suck to feel like your losing your mind all the time, to hear others voices in your head, with their issues and insults. To deal with someone with back pain and find stabbing pains in your spine that last for days. And worse, it sucks to find that, maybe your now vampiric yourself now cuz you unintentionally learned to emulate that too. To be an open vacuum for negativity..
To never feel like your totally you anymore. To feel like you've lost yourself..To feel like the only time your really yourself is when your alone. And even then, now you seem to have strange spiritual entities following you around, and your not totally sure if your power doesn't work on them too, sucking in demon energy or some dumb shit. like an asshole unintentionally cuz maybe you did something foolish. And sometimes they tease you and do it to you on purpose, just to fuck with you cuz you have no real boundaries at all to speak of and judge nobody at all, cuz you can really feel why they do what they do. And you can't do you, even with your friends, cuz you get swamped by them and what they wanna do and its terrible. (no wonder I'm told I have a weak 3rd chakra).
Doing shrooms has certainly not helped with my stability in maintaining proper personal/spiritual boundaries. It has not done me any favors and has made these issues more intense, if not worse. There's positives and negatives here..And then, in a perhaps rash and impulsive attempt to undo the damage of said lost boundaries, using ritual magick like the LBRP half-heartedly in a lame attempt to make it go away, you find you've only made your problem worser!! Worrying that shrooms thinned your veil, you did a ritual that thinned it even more cuz you didn't know, you thought thats what it was for but you were wrong! And you barely tried at all! And now you fear you may be a MONSTER! A monster like the ones you thought you had to fight against...
Stealing energy. Stealing peoples pain. Stealing whatever you can get your hands on, stealing if it can be called that, cuz most the time they don't know, and your not entirely sure that deep down your not asking for it, whatever isn't bolted down, only cuz your a spiritual klepto or something, don't know how to stop. Oh sure, you can project too. You can make people smile, in a way that can be called small miracles. But that doesn't make the sadness and emptiness go away, cuz life has beaten you down and hard. You don't even wanna feel anymore cuz its too tough to deal with your own emotions and everyone elses too, so you cut that off. Cuz you know..You just know there has to be something better. There has to be a reason, a purpose you were given this gift..There has to be. There has to be a way out, a solution, a purpose, something. Anything..While you wander around lost and lonely, the only people that wander into your snowflake life just leading you into more and more shit, giving you more and more issues and pain to deal with..And..The light at the end of the tunnel..Maybe gifts, too.
Nevermind whenever you go to sleep strange things talk to you in your head. That often you share dreams with people unintentionally. And occasionally, you wander off set and the powers that be get pissed at you, in dreams AND in reality.
So..
Any empaths out there, or perhaps those with the so-called (and often considered nonsense) crystal or clear aura...Well. I could use me some advice. And I could give advice too. As someone thats struggled with his own depression (not having anything to do with the empathy thing), certainly I have a gift for the depression and problems of others.
Hit me up people out there. We're all in this together.