Crushing Reality

[toastedpanda]

So.... has anyone ever felt like the world and all its expectations and ... idk trials are overwhelming?

Alot of times I thinks about the "normal life" and working hard earning money n getting buy, you know contrasted with the life I live drifting day by day getting high and not giving a fuck. Both of them scare me, I mean I've had money and can work a good paying job. Usually I get fed up with being broke and strung out for a while. I'll straighten out a little and go to work and make money. Eventually I get tired of the work, it pays good but I absolutly hate it, and I'll quit for a while.

It's like I think the money and staying productive will make me happy and it doesn't, I still feel.... like empty, and I lose... more than just motivation, its like I lose hope. I used to think it was the junky in me thinking "oh we got some bread now, lets binge". The truth is its more than that.

I know what I really need to do is really work on my self and discover myself. Some people talk about how they "were before drugs" and thats not me. There is no me before drugs, whoever that is isn't relavent, even though I didn't start using till 16 I was empty before that.

Its like I know what I need to do, but damn changing is so hard.... and a bit frightning.

I've been thinking of my ex alot too, I hate to say it.

Idk just wondering if anyone ever feels some of this or.... maybe understands where im coming from.

 

[ish675]

I do. You should read some of my posts here on TDS, they might help you.

 

[Pagey]

Definitely understand where you're coming from.
Whenever I feel like that, I think of that famous quote from Trainspotting - 'Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?'

Although yes that's how he justifies using heroin I think it can be extrapolated to anything really and I do find it quite inspirational. If you're not happy with the life you're leading or with following the standaard 9-5 job or whatever, change it! I'm convinced there's always a way - might be hard but if you're really that unhappy it can't not be worth it.

 

[steingalkrs]

Totally understand what you are writing. DO not think of your ex, top be honest. Find a new one! There are lots of girls, new girl new blank piece of paper where no mistakes are made.

Drugs will only make you do what you write, i personally want to try do less, drink less, and become more productuve again. Do what I did many years ago - I to make good money. Find a woman, travel - see the world and enjoy life without drugs. I preferr psycedelics though, and surely stims aswell but I hate now sleeping.. But damn - I love to just drink and are tired of binging.