critique please

[TypeRLotus]

confusion hits me
washes over me like
the moon's rays
who do i seek?
what am i wanting?
pain in my heart
makes life unbearable
pain to sear through my soul
to exhaust my supply of tears.
hatred rolls over me
as if they were waves
of dark midnight blue
waters of the abyss
who do i want?
what am i seeking?
life without life
hope without hope
treasures untold of fortresses
in the mind
the maze of deceit and lies
to damn my soul
to eternal fire of the world
does this life mean a test
or is this hell?
a spiritual test where only
the strong survive and
the weak perish in the hatred
and the pain and anguish
of the human heart and soul.

 

[Tribal Hybridz]

make musik for your words,you have powerful ways of writing how it feels in tha down,you should channel it through musik. if you have no where to channel it, its just gonna build up and your gonna drown in sorrow. then ya gotta smim outa that shit and go back to the begining of three months earlier.and in the midst of that, hold that damn job.. hey, neva promised a easy life, just freedom to go out there and get a easy life.
lifes a bitch and it eats at all of us,not tryin to bring ya down,shit, i chill in the void alot too. bout for real, catch up with a drummer and a gutairist and see if you got a musician in ya.