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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Craving IV and Fear of Addiction

  • Thread starter Thread starter Morph-eend
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Morph-eend

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I've been using various pain pills since I was in my teens (on and off) and I'm currently in my early 20's. I use them legitimately for pain after a quack messed my back up. The pain has been getting progressively worse. My dose doesn't help me if I used it the way I should. I have been having severe IV cravings. It's really weird because I could easily handle it without a problem but lately it's just constant. I have dreams and think about it all day long. My husband tells me it's okay as long I only do sometimes and not everyday. With the way I've been using lately, I know that is not a possibility. The feeling and pain relief from using intravenously is just amazing. As I said, I would generally not have a problem when my pain was severe of doing it..... up until now. I have been holding back so much because of my fear that I am an addict. I fear that the pain has changed my life so much that my only hope and happiness includes drugs. My husband has zero willpower and will do whatever I do, so I know he would easily fall with me and I don't want that. Over the years, I have read so many stories and always told myself that I would never end up that way. I think the biggest thing that scares me if the fact that I'm young. I want to have a family, finish with my degree and live happily. For the fellow pain patients, how do you do it? Are you using the needle? Are you using your dose as you should? How long have you done it? What have you found to help with your pain? And addicts, please discourage me even more... I just need these cravings to be pushed out of my head, but I just don't know what it's like to be sober anymore. I don't want to move into the dark world of the needle addiction. My doctor has suggested counseling and to include my family... has anyone done this? I'm young and my doctor always talks to me about addiction and my age and blah blah. I quit cold turkey before, so why am I having such a hard time AND cravings which I've never had before?!?!? It makes me wish I could have done something else to keep the pain away.
 
Once you pick that needle up, you're gonna have a lot more pain and suffering ahead of ya. Counseling really does help. Sometimes it's way too hard to just push a craving out of your head on your own. You need someone sensible that can remind you of the reasons why you should let the urge go. Banging drugs feels really good, yes, I definitely agree. But once the honeymoon period wears off, it's going to kick the living shit out of you. You know that. :)
 
the last thing you want to do is start using the needle .... trust me.
Needle obsession is a horrible thing, as soon as you try it you push it and push it till it screws you over. its a fucked cycle that you will definately regret. i dont think any IV addict doesnt regret usng the needle.

Could you get a stronger dose of pain meds? what do you take/
 
I used to IV speed alot about 10 years ago, Was over the period of a couple of months, I was lucky enough to have stopped after that deciding i didnt want to be a needle dad as my daughter was arriveing in the world.

Long story short.. i still to this day crave tha steel and immediate hit.
And have surcome once about a yr and a half ago(tried my arm on some morph) and once again not long after that a friend had really good gas, i couldnt help myself:(

im now stuck on benzos, and whenever i see needles bein used even if its in a movie, fuck i just want to feel that instant rush again.. im not the best kind of person to give any advice, but id say DONT.
Maybe talk to ur doctor about a slight rise in dosage? or even if you were to take certain pk's rectaly (plugged) its about as close as ur gonna get to IV.

Leave the needle alone, nothing good comes of it @ the end of the day:\
 
I posted anonymously, but since I want to reply I must login. The last time for a needle was in june (Dilaudid) and then january (Morphine) before that. It's not that I haven't done it, but I didn't have a problem wanting it directly after. I'm using ER morphine (4x day) at the moment and I usually don't use that orally. I also use lyrica. I can't have any IR anything or I just take and take and take... Like I'm eating some MnMs. The direct abuse is just getting worse, hence the reason I think this is a true addiction now. I usually quit the morphine for a day or so but I haven't been able to even do that, I just end up eating a ton of percs or vicodin instead. I guess part of my problem is who I surround myself with. My non druggie friends don't discourage me, just make fun of my behavior. My doctor is great and has tried so much to help me out, but I'm kind of scared to go to counseling because I don't want to be labeled as an addict. I'm currently in school to become a nurse, so that scares me too much. I don't even think ill be able to handle that job physically, just hope I can get a a low physical job after I graduate. If I poke myself on something, I instantly think "damn, I'd love to have some dilaudid" its just getting so bad because it is just constantly on my mind. I want some freedom to not think about drugs.
 
If you're in school to become a nurse, you might want to hook up with one of the many substance abuse programmes for nurses.

The reason why I'd recommend counselling is that with a chronic pain issue you're going to need a longterm pain management plan. Your tolerance for opiates will get to unsustainable levels long before your need for pain relief diminishes and there's not a whole lot the doctors will be able to offer you when that happens - while there's certainly a lot of R & D going on to find a non-opiate pain-relieving wonder drug, it hasn't been discovered yet.

My guess is that your doctor wants you to look at the long-term picture and to realise that if you opt to use opiates to eliminate your pain now you will have less options in the future. And it's going to be hard to take a pain management approach which includes tolerating some level of pain on an ongoing basis when you can so easily have none right now - that future in which you'll have no pain relief options left just seems to far away too be real right now.
 
Ah fuck you sound alot like me there. Kinda scary 8o

I was using opiates, lot's of alcohol, benzos and every other drug out there before i got chronic pain from neuralgia. But i became a alcoholic instead because i liked alcohol better then the other drugs. I quit drinking when i was 21 because it was either do that or die. I developed trigeminal neuralgia around 2004 and became a opiate afddict not long after. Despie the fact that i had just as much access to opiates before i developed chronic pain. I was surprised that it took me so long to get addicted at all and even then it was only mild. Now i get very severe withdrawals depending on dose.

Right now im on morphine SR and ms IR's. I get the mscontin type morphine but i still shoot it. I was much worse when i was on dilaudid really because i was shooting up about 6 times a day in huge doses and popping my morphine pills. Ive been shooting up almost a year now and ive shot a fair amount of drugs that havent been prescribed to me to such as coke :\ .

The reason you get more relief from IVing your meds as opposed to eating them is because you get 100% bioavailability as opposed to about 34% orally. It would be much much better to try and get your dose increased then to get a needle fixation like i now have. Why eat it when you can shoot it right? :|

Don't get a IV drug habit it's not good plus with morphine ER's there is a hell of alot of fillers in them so in no way are they safe for injection. Not to mention what we all know can happen when you miss a shot with this shit. Abcesses are common with missed shots with these pills (im goddamn lucky ive never gotten one! ) and so are fucked up veins and the other complications that go with it.
 
Lolie said:
If you're in school to become a nurse, you might want to hook up with one of the many substance abuse programmes for nurses.

The reason why I'd recommend counselling is that with a chronic pain issue you're going to need a longterm pain management plan. Your tolerance for opiates will get to unsustainable levels long before your need for pain relief diminishes and there's not a whole lot the doctors will be able to offer you when that happens - while there's certainly a lot of R & D going on to find a non-opiate pain-relieving wonder drug, it hasn't been discovered yet.

My guess is that your doctor wants you to look at the long-term picture and to realise that if you opt to use opiates to eliminate your pain now you will have less options in the future. And it's going to be hard to take a pain management approach which includes tolerating some level of pain on an ongoing basis when you can so easily have none right now - that future in which you'll have no pain relief options left just seems to far away too be real right now.
Click to expand...

I know... that's what my doctor tells me. When I first went to him he explained everything to me and told me if I choose the way of drugs as long term 'treatment', there will eventually be nothing left for him to do. I quit for about a year and then I happened to get a script for percocets for an infection and after feeling some pain relief again and realizing how much life sucks in pain... I started craving morphine mildly. Of course taking a few percs doesn't help so I took my bottle in 2 days. I've been using for a couple years again and I can definitely enjoy life somewhat and I'm noticeably happier.

paranoid android said:
Ah fuck you sound alot like me there. Kinda scary 8o

I was using opiates, lot's of alcohol, benzos and every other drug out there before i got chronic pain from neuralgia. But i became a alcoholic instead because i liked alcohol better then the other drugs. I quit drinking when i was 21 because it was either do that or die. I developed trigeminal neuralgia around 2004 and became a opiate afddict not long after. Despie the fact that i had just as much access to opiates before i developed chronic pain. I was surprised that it took me so long to get addicted at all and even then it was only mild. Now i get very severe withdrawals depending on dose.

Right now im on morphine SR and ms IR's. I get the mscontin type morphine but i still shoot it. I was much worse when i was on dilaudid really because i was shooting up about 6 times a day in huge doses and popping my morphine pills. Ive been shooting up almost a year now and ive shot a fair amount of drugs that havent been prescribed to me to such as coke :\ .

The reason you get more relief from IVing your meds as opposed to eating them is because you get 100% bioavailability as opposed to about 34% orally. It would be much much better to try and get your dose increased then to get a needle fixation like i now have. Why eat it when you can shoot it right? :|

Don't get a IV drug habit it's not good plus with morphine ER's there is a hell of alot of fillers in them so in no way are they safe for injection. Not to mention what we all know can happen when you miss a shot with this shit. Abcesses are common with missed shots with these pills (im goddamn lucky ive never gotten one! ) and so are fucked up veins and the other complications that go with it.
Click to expand...

Nice, but not so nice to see someone like me. I have a hard time taking meds orally because sometimes I feel nothing... take more... nothing... more and then it'll hit me all at once. I don't know if I have some sort of stomach issue or what it is. Thanks for your story though... it does sound like such a familiar place to be in... just hope I stop it fast though before I do get in the worst habit.
 
^^^

Sounds like you've got yourself one hell of a doctor. Treasure him.

Even if you want to rely on the meds for now, I'd start exploring other pain management techniques as well. They may allow you to drop your dose a bit but even if they don't you don't want the stress of having to learn them once you've already reached the point where meds can no longer control your pain. Try to view the non-drug techniques for pain management as a way of prolonging the period for which meds will be effective for you.
 
My doctor is amazing. I've never had a doctor personally call me to ask me how I'm doing or do everything he can for me. He's very honest as well. I say I'm going to write a letter to tell him how amazing he is one of these days.

I know I need to do more as far as pain management goes, but I've found such a huge psychological dependence to getting high. My anxiety totally kicks in if I haven't had anything recently. I only ever have an anxiety problem when I've really messed up on drugs and think I'm going to kill myself. I'm sure smoking pot doesn't help either, but I find myself wanting pot less and only wanting more pills. My husband got mad at me last night because I wouldn't get any oxycontin. It was a strange anger, like something as addict would do. I certainly hope he's not doing things behind my back. I told him the extent of my issues minus the IV part and then out of nowhere today... even after me telling my husband what a hard time I'm having with drugs, I get a text asking if he can get some ecstasy and offers heroin to me. I think what he's trying to do is say if you let me do ecstasy today, I'll let you do heroin. Then he says heroin is bad, how about you just do the ecstasy with me. This a terrible time to offer me anything since I'm off of work tomorrow and saying no will be a lot harder. He then tells me we can quit abusing drugs after the winter... like what the hell is that? I think I can never win in life. I'm like cursed or something. Perhaps I should show him this thread, and maybe he will think a little differently. I must go to work now... and hope that I come home to nothing else. All I can think about is how disappointed my mother would be if she really knew the truth. :(
 
Is my weakness being used as an excuse for someone else to do drugs, too? I just don't know anymore... I'm here at work just thinking and thinking... If I smoke only a little H, that won't hurt me too much... I just keep making excuses for myself and praying that they won't be able to get any because I just can't say no.
 
Oh dear. The whole "let's do drugs for the winter and then we can stop together" thing is very worrying. With that extra information, family counselling just went from being a good idea to essential in my opinion.
 
Lolie, thanks so much for your opinion. It is like I see myself in 3rd person and telling myself the same things. I'm more worried about my husband because he will do pretty much anything in front of him, and if he has this on me he'll justify doing things himself. When we got married I said no drugs at all... Then he wanted to drink which turned into pot and slowly I got back into pills and such. He tells me I do hardcore drugs and he just does pot and things on occasion. I'm just worried because his behavior lately just isn't normal and after that rage because I wouldn't get some oxy... I don't know if he will agree but perhaps I should talk to him about is getting help. It just feels good to be able to express my feelings here... I have no one else to go to. I mean a year ago I was talking about wanting a kid and to buy a house... Now I'm consumed by drugs.
 
^^^

When you initially said that you husband would go along with anything you wanted, I thought you meant in terms of doing drugs. The additional information you've provided sort of implies that he'd be reluctant to go along with responsible use and if that's the case then he can't support you through getting your shit together. Even if he doesn't drag you back down, you're going to have to find someone else to be your major support and that person and your husband will be at odds.

I really think it's time for a come to Jesus talk with your husband. It sounds like you're on totally different pages right now and moving in different directions regarding drug use. But I'd really recommend that you see a counsellor alone first to help you clarify the issues and just how important using responsibly is to you. When your relationship with drugs changes so do your relationships with people and it sounds like those changes may be stormy ones for you, so get your support in place before you make them.
 
Lolie, I just want to give you a hug! I really appreciate your responses. It really helps me.

I tried talking to him last night. It didn't go so well. I came home and he said I was 'fucked up'. He started going on about how he won't be with a a hardcore druggie and I can't do that shit everyday. This confuses me so much... He wanted oxy to smoke 2days ago and got ecstasy yesterday and begs me to do it w him? He offered to get me heroin and then he tells me I do the hardcore drugs? He tells me I can use a needle but not everyday. How is this fair? How am I the bad one when he tells me I can do things but then I can't? He is the one with friends who would buy drugs before paying bills.

So, after we laid down last night I tried to talk to him about counseling. He denies he has a problem and again says I'm the hardcore druggie and starts blaming me of using heroin regularly because I cried when he started talking about certain things. He wouldn't let it go... And he threatened to tell my mom. I felt so terrible, like he wanted me to admit to something that I honestly don't regularly do. And then it went into I have secrets blah blah blah. I feel like he puts all the blame on me and it is like I do everything wrong and he doesn't. He has a problem with ignoring things, and this morning he goes to work and acted like nothing happened last night and I guarantee he won't talk about it again.
 
be careful. just want to say that I'm from Columbus too and there are tons of drugs in this town. one second you pick up the needle, and then the next you are doing heroin because this city is so immersed in it. I've seen it a million times, from myself to my friends. it's so difficult to get out of
 
I know, axl. I think I have helped myself some just by talking here and reading, honestly. It's just this cold weather that's only going to get colder which means more pain that taking medicine orally doesn't help. I mean, unless I super abuse, but that won't get me anywhere either because then I'll have to get a lot more. I feel like I'm at a dead-end sometimes. Once again, I'm making excuses. Ugh.

I guess I'm too afraid to increase my regular dose because then it'll be there in front of me, giving me an excuse to do more. I already go elsewhere as it is.
I just don't know how I got here again... my drug use is all a blur to me. I used to be so afraid to take more than 3x my dose. Now, I don't care. I say just as long as I'm around people and I overdose... at least I'll get help. I literally live across the street from an ER.
 
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^^^

If your husband won't go to counselling, then go alone - seriously. It sounds like you guys have a seriously dysfunctional dynamic going on and counselling will help you find strategies for recognising and dealing with that.
 
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