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craving drugs I have never done

D n A

D n A

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Recently, I've been having some fairly intense psychological cravings for opiates (primarily heroin). I have never taken any kind of opiate in my life before, so far as I know. I mainly stick to stimulants and psychedelics. I remember one night, laying in bed thinking about drugs, and I felt so badly the need to inject heroin into my arms that I was curling up into a ball and shivering, holding my arms. I'm mildly afraid of needles so I know I could never actually do this, but that one night, if I had a needle and some dope, I would have done it. Recently I've been considering smoking/insufflating it. I know a few people that can get ahold of some dope, but I know they would refuse to sell it to me. I've also considered taking morphine and oxys, because, like I have mentioned before, I'm not so keen on needles.

My boyfriend is an ex-junkie and at first, when I suggested that we get some morphine and take it together, he was down. But later on he told me that he felt it probably wouldn't be a good idea, considering his past. And also, he didn't want me getting into opiates. Especially once I told him about my strange cravings. He knows that I have a slightly addictive personality and that I've been medicating myself with whatever I could get my hands on ever since I turned 12. I was previously addicted to ketamine for about 8 months and it took me 2 more in order to quit it, and I've relapsed a little since then. Recently I've been pursuing cocaine, and the boyfriend tries to remind me to keep it under control, because I can become a total monster sometimes. I usually use anywhere from 1-3 times a week, via insufflation (trying to keep it low).

This craving for opiates sort of scares me. To the outside world and my parents, I'm just an average person who did well in high school and is continuing on with a well-paying career. They have no knowledge of my drug usage, which isn't that serious anyways, compared to some. I know that if I choose to take the dark path, I'm probably fucked. There's a lot at stake. But I still consider it, everyday.


Is this normal? Why do I feel this way. And considering how I feel already.. would it be so bad to just take morphine? I'm guessing that if I ever take heroin, the addiction potential will be very high.
I'm kind of lost here. I don't know what to do, I'm confused as to why I feel this way, and I'm a little saddened by it, too. But I also want to try opiates. I'm just afraid I'll end up getting addicted and fuck my life up.
 
It's normal for people with addictive personalities like you or I to have intense cravings for psychoactives, even ones you've never had.

On one hand, you could go ahead and use morphine for experimentation sake and leave it at that.On the other, you could keep using.

I don't know you, but I have a suspicion you are experiencing these cravings, especially since it's not something you've used before, because of some sort of subconscious need for the security, warmth, and bliss you've learned opiates tend to offer.

Feel free to PM me if you need any more help trying to figure this one out, ok?
 
I used to have dreams I was doing cocaine and have cravings for it long before I took my first line.

Now that I've done it, I find that the cravings I have now for it were the same back then. It's like your body knows your drug of choice without even having done it.
 
As you seem to already have a handle on what you are experiencing I am going to move this over to The Dark Side (TDS) for you. There are lots of threads in OD and BDD regarding "Just trying heroin once?" or something along those lines if you'd like to read through the endless advice not to.

homeless >>> TDS
 
DnA, It almost (comically) sounds like you addicted to a substance you haven't even tried! I can't see how anyone would tell you that going ahead and trying any opiate would be ok. Try to find something to take your mind off those thoughts, and realize opiates are not good or cool, which is the way I viewed them before I started. I too was a successful, young adult just going through college. I am also from a middle class 'white collar', normal, responsible family. I did Oxy's for years because I thought I was too smooth and had everything under control so I wouldn't ever get caught.

Long story short, that isn't how it works. I have since caught a felony, my family has found out (which caused great shame), spent thousands and thousands chasing that high. I have NOTHING to show for it, except a tarnished background and feelings of guilt. Even with all that on my shoulders, I still have the desire take more.

Do yourself a favor and don't touch opiates and try to stop thinking of them. Many drugs can be used 'responsibly', but opiates will grab you, chew you up and spit you out before you even knew it happened.
 
If you use substances then it seems to make sense to be curious about other ones that you have not yet tried. But if you're looking for the magical one that will make everything perfect it's not there. Or if you can convince yourself that it makes everything perfect then you can end up with heavy habit to maintain. There is no certainty with any decision, but it seems like your strong belief in how addictive these substances will be for you could become self-fulfilling prophecy.

Not to diminish anybody's experience with opiates, I know a lot of people go through hell with them. But there seems to be this mystique/allure/mythology surrounding them that makes them out to be the ultimate seductive experience. Believing that will make it more likely. People in hospitals get morphine all the time and don't get addicted because to them it is perceived as a medicine, not a recreational drug with such an image built up around it. I know people who don't want to take their pain pills or morphine because it just makes them drowsy.

Same drug, different expectations, different effects.

So I certainly wouldn't recommend using them. But I'm just answering based on fact that you say you are undecided. You may save yourself a lot of pain by giving up the idea without indulging it. But if you do decide to try it out, you may benefit from not holding the preconceived idea that you are certain to fall into a dark path of addiction.
 
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I can relate to this. I was hanging around with someone who was doing dope in front of me a lot, and I started getting "cravings" before I ever tried it. It was also always a drug I had a real fascination with, I've got an addictive personality, and the psychological pull was strong to the point of discomfort.

There's no way I'd ever recommend anyone ever trying heroin. You think you are feeling bad now, wait until you start using. :( In other words, don't.
 
yeah.. I have a feeling it will be a bad idea- well, the 'good girl' half of me does, but the other part of me just doesn't give a fuck. That's probably to do with my depression and stress. When I feel those emotions, that darker side always speaks out, making these possibly dangerous and reckless actions look quite inviting.. because when I feel like shit, I don't care if I get hurt or die or throw my life away, I just want to get high and escape reality by whatever means. I usually try to ignore that feeling best I can. I know self medicating is not the answer and can make your mental state worse than where you started. It's nice to alleviate the symptoms for a bit, but the disease will not be cured..

I know I have to give up the substances soon anyways, I guess that's part of the reason of why I wanted to try some opiates before I go to pharm school. I've already cut down a decent amount from what I used to.. all's I usually do is coke and mushrooms- the coke has to stop though, too expensive of a habit for me to be developing. And there's the addiction potential.. I know I'm wandering into the trap.
I don't mean to waste anyone's time by having them tell me not to do this. I know I shouldn't. I've read plenty of threads and posts about opiates, some just about casual use and harm reduction and others about people's struggles and horror stories. It's proving difficult to convince that side of me that it's a horrible idea, as it continues to suggest the idea of just trying some kind of pharmaceutical opiate - after all, it says, if it's prescribed to people, it can't be that bad for you! Just a little taste, once won't kill you.. come on, you'll enjoy it. Ahh.

I wish there was some way to take my mind off this. All the stories aren't helping. I try being with the ones I love, doing the things that I enjoy every day, and staying healthy as possible, but.. even though my life is fairly good, despite some family issues, I still can't help but feel depressed a lot of the time. And that's when I want to get loaded.

Thanks, guys. I'll try my hardest to ignore these thoughts and remember that if I go down that path I'm probably not coming back. I'm going to get my boyfriend to help straighten me out a bit too- he's been there, and he doesn't want me doing opiates because of what he experienced and also because of my addictive tendencies and depression. I guess cutting down even more on all the other substances wouldn't hurt either.. I need to get my brain chemistry back in order.

Sorry. So confused..
 
I hope you stay away from opiates- they've done more harm than good in my life. Consider that I'm a person with a (comparatively) very small habit and I have my life pretty together. Some people would say I'm a success. I never lost a job or relationship due to opiates- never been arrested. However, I'd still say they've caused me a significant degree of grief. If you eventually get into taking opiates on a regular basis- you're fighting a losing battle. No opiate supply is totally reliable or steady. Either that- or your money will run out. The result- you feel fucking sick for some period of time with horrible depression. You will cycle through getting opiates and withdrawal until you quit or die or catch a legal battle. I'm now weening myself down and I pretty much feel shitty all day and sleeping at night is difficult. I woke up in a cold sweat this morning. All this is from a SMALL habit. The suffering from a big habit is exponentially worse. Stay away.
 
I was the same way with heroin. I craved it so bad. And when I was actually able to find it, it was amazing. But its getting harder to find now. But it is my drug of choice. I have never had that with anything else I have done. I heard a lot of people have dreams of doing cocaine, idk why...its good, but I guess just not for me, I only do it if thats all there is around atm.
 
I'm kind of the same way with coke and heroin. I don't do them because I know the obvious risks, especially at an age where I still have WAY too much of my life ahead of me. If anything, if I ever were to still have these cravings in my mid-late 80's, I might try coke. Heroin, as nice as it sounds to be high on it, causes way too much grief for anyone to handle, even at an old age. Just be smart, and don't try it. I hate my curiosity to try things I know I can't or shouldn't ):
 
Listen to your boyfriend. Don't touch opiates. Everyone thinks it's under control when their using. My friend just recently died from oxycontin and heroin so I know what I'm talking about
 
Don't do it. Out of any drug I wish I never tried : opiates is first 100%. I don't think I'll ever be as happy as when before I tried opiates (which wasn't too happy to begin with anyways heh) . but yea. definitely dont feel as good as before.
 
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