Crackle pop
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2021
- Messages
- 158
Hi guys and girls .
Im used to post here last year abit when my crack addiction was at its worst n i was at rock bottom n couldnt see a way out.
Jyat a reminder this will hog a few memorys . I have heart failure i had been clean of H and crack 17 years before having 7 heart attacks a (now failed) doublr heart bypass n hesrt disease at 37 years old im from the uk and im a male. This will job a few people's minds.ny nextdoor in my block of flats was a female dealer of crack and herion n i had moved to start over n had moved right in to the middle of it all. Which made my addiction spiral right out of control. Tbe dealer used to pay me in stone to sit with her at night as the paranoid thoughts creep in. At the time it was ok then family found out n friends. I lost what good genuine mates i had my family washed there hands of me n i was alone. It got to the point i went in hosptial wth my heart n was kept 4 days n when i came out my home was ransacked everything of valur taken n 2 rocks left where id see them straight away. As if to soften the blow. A burglar wouldn't leace drugs behind no way. But a dealer that knows me and felt guilt would.
So i left my flat n wekt to live on the cold streets even tho i had a home.this shows how muchi didnt want to be there around it. So im now homeless cold with an addiction to crack so i end up shoplifting n theft to support my habbit.
13 days on the streets in a row n i remember i was on my was to score n the nasty so painful chest pains just came from no where. I had 30 piunds in my pocket n i knew a taxi was 15 poundafter ringing an ambulabce n bein told bcoz of covid it could take up to two hours. I wouldn't last two hours. So rather than scoring i got a taxi straight to hospital in agonywho confimred quickly it was yet another heart attack n that by doubke bypass had blocled n failed n less than a year. Then i was told they cpuldnt open the blockagw with a stent n jothing they could dom in otjer words im dying. After begging for a second then 3rd opnion i luckily found a surgeon or he found me . Who was Willing to try. Id been in hospital two weeks now n they did it amd managed to open one side leaving me in a better position than when i came to hospital. I wont lue i had been dabbling in hospital as it is only round the corner from a dealer. So i was discharged into a homeless hostel now bcoz my health i was told that im beomg re housed ina bungalow bcoz my medical needs but it needed alot of repairs so i spent6 weeks in the hostel surronded again by drugs and users. My downstairs died of a overdose while i was there. It is rife for drugs n death in daid hostel. Some were there6 month's i feel for them 6 weeks bad enough. Then one day a letter came to say my bungalow was ready for a viewing whuch i did an got the keys. That day i swore id get clean . 3 weeks ago that was n i habent touched any i had my 16 yr old daughter stay the forst 10 day's this helped loads. No meds just will power. I asked my drug worker to move my chemist where i get my methadone as its in the same area n ppl wher ei used to use this was two weeks ago n still waiting. Today i went to get meth as usual troed to get sine dank stinky bud at the same time but couldnt n ended up buying two rocks as the gut was there in front of me when id tried every contact for weed. Could kick myselfafter 21 daya with none. But i have smoked it n still have mobey but im not thinking im gonna go buy more n continue im trtin to score a bud now its gone i feel abit shitty in myself but as ling as it stays as just a lapse n thats ut carry on being clean i can deal with that. I cannot continue n be foundout n lose everything n everyone ive fort to get back. Words of encouragement appreciated guys . I know ive got this n said every day how i love beong back in the real world. One min of weakness could fuk me up good an proper .... iam soob goin to buy some weed so i can forget sbout this big fuk up n carry on as i was. Its all down to me. I will not go backwarss to that shit life. I feel fukin shit for throsinf three weeks away n lettin ppl down. But if i continue my detox now amd stay clean then i suppose nobody needs to know as long as i stay fukin strong. Ive too muchto lose again including my life ..... i love a good tasty packed joint alot mre than the chemical shit. Heres to being clean n sober hip hip lol
Thanks for reading even tho it wasnt ment to be essay length but thanks for reading guys. My the detox continue. I will log on here from now on the good and bad but tbh i think ill go right bk to smokin weed after this. Im not missin Nothing.
Peace be with you all
Im used to post here last year abit when my crack addiction was at its worst n i was at rock bottom n couldnt see a way out.
Jyat a reminder this will hog a few memorys . I have heart failure i had been clean of H and crack 17 years before having 7 heart attacks a (now failed) doublr heart bypass n hesrt disease at 37 years old im from the uk and im a male. This will job a few people's minds.ny nextdoor in my block of flats was a female dealer of crack and herion n i had moved to start over n had moved right in to the middle of it all. Which made my addiction spiral right out of control. Tbe dealer used to pay me in stone to sit with her at night as the paranoid thoughts creep in. At the time it was ok then family found out n friends. I lost what good genuine mates i had my family washed there hands of me n i was alone. It got to the point i went in hosptial wth my heart n was kept 4 days n when i came out my home was ransacked everything of valur taken n 2 rocks left where id see them straight away. As if to soften the blow. A burglar wouldn't leace drugs behind no way. But a dealer that knows me and felt guilt would.
So i left my flat n wekt to live on the cold streets even tho i had a home.this shows how muchi didnt want to be there around it. So im now homeless cold with an addiction to crack so i end up shoplifting n theft to support my habbit.
13 days on the streets in a row n i remember i was on my was to score n the nasty so painful chest pains just came from no where. I had 30 piunds in my pocket n i knew a taxi was 15 poundafter ringing an ambulabce n bein told bcoz of covid it could take up to two hours. I wouldn't last two hours. So rather than scoring i got a taxi straight to hospital in agonywho confimred quickly it was yet another heart attack n that by doubke bypass had blocled n failed n less than a year. Then i was told they cpuldnt open the blockagw with a stent n jothing they could dom in otjer words im dying. After begging for a second then 3rd opnion i luckily found a surgeon or he found me . Who was Willing to try. Id been in hospital two weeks now n they did it amd managed to open one side leaving me in a better position than when i came to hospital. I wont lue i had been dabbling in hospital as it is only round the corner from a dealer. So i was discharged into a homeless hostel now bcoz my health i was told that im beomg re housed ina bungalow bcoz my medical needs but it needed alot of repairs so i spent6 weeks in the hostel surronded again by drugs and users. My downstairs died of a overdose while i was there. It is rife for drugs n death in daid hostel. Some were there6 month's i feel for them 6 weeks bad enough. Then one day a letter came to say my bungalow was ready for a viewing whuch i did an got the keys. That day i swore id get clean . 3 weeks ago that was n i habent touched any i had my 16 yr old daughter stay the forst 10 day's this helped loads. No meds just will power. I asked my drug worker to move my chemist where i get my methadone as its in the same area n ppl wher ei used to use this was two weeks ago n still waiting. Today i went to get meth as usual troed to get sine dank stinky bud at the same time but couldnt n ended up buying two rocks as the gut was there in front of me when id tried every contact for weed. Could kick myselfafter 21 daya with none. But i have smoked it n still have mobey but im not thinking im gonna go buy more n continue im trtin to score a bud now its gone i feel abit shitty in myself but as ling as it stays as just a lapse n thats ut carry on being clean i can deal with that. I cannot continue n be foundout n lose everything n everyone ive fort to get back. Words of encouragement appreciated guys . I know ive got this n said every day how i love beong back in the real world. One min of weakness could fuk me up good an proper .... iam soob goin to buy some weed so i can forget sbout this big fuk up n carry on as i was. Its all down to me. I will not go backwarss to that shit life. I feel fukin shit for throsinf three weeks away n lettin ppl down. But if i continue my detox now amd stay clean then i suppose nobody needs to know as long as i stay fukin strong. Ive too muchto lose again including my life ..... i love a good tasty packed joint alot mre than the chemical shit. Heres to being clean n sober hip hip lol
Thanks for reading even tho it wasnt ment to be essay length but thanks for reading guys. My the detox continue. I will log on here from now on the good and bad but tbh i think ill go right bk to smokin weed after this. Im not missin Nothing.
Peace be with you all
what a rough time you have been having heaven look down with mercy on thee
I can relate to feelin' like you are on your last legs all I can try to do is make peace with today, let go of past enmities, and embrace the eternal boundless space beyond this tiny temporal shell