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Could really do with your help / advise please. In a bad place...

A

ants

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 15, 2013
Messages
201
Hey there,

First of all, thanks in advance for reading. Essentially, I would love to hear your thoughts on the below please.

In the past 14 months, I have taken the below drugs.

14 pills (from ibiza so high quality)
10 x MDMA 0.5 Gram (not taken in half gram doses)
Ketamine x 1
Cocaine x 15 grams (since July this year)
a bit of weed.

Now... I earn just shy of £2000 a month, am 25 and still live with my mother (I know...)

Recently, I've been going out on the weekends and am finding it SO hard to party without a gram of coke. The morning after, the comedown is so bad and I always feel so guilty from a financial perspective. I know we're not allowed to talk prices on here but I can tell you that since July, I've spent over a grand on coke alone.

Now, my aim is to do well at my job, be in good health, meet a nice girl and earn enough money to be able to move out into London. I already earn a lot of money but when I spend the equivalent of rent on coke, there's no way I'm ever going to move out.

The majority of these drugs were taken on holidays (Ibiza x 2 and Berlin) BUT i've been doing coke every weekend in London for the past 9/10 weeks.

I need to stop and am frightened about the position I'm in - it really doesn't help that i like house music so drugs are everywhere.

I really want to take a break from all drugs aside from alcohol for at least 4/5 months but i'm struggling. Can anyone help me? Do you think I should delete the numbers of all of my dealers?

There are so many advantages to stopping my recreational drugs use....health, sex drive, money to spend on clothes, can eventually move out of home...

Thank you
 
Hello ants, I've read your post 3 times and you seem to answer your own questions. I hear you say what you want out of life and what's standing in the way of you achieving your goals. You have you're own answers. One thing that I can add is, nothing makes a coke fiend pick up the phone quicker than a few drinks. This is a simple answer to a potentially complex problem. The longer one stays in the coke show the harder it gets to just bow out. At some point it takes on a life of its own and then it takes negative consequences to "assist" in stopping someone. You may not be to that point.......yet. I wish you the best, I'm sure someone else will chime in with advice. Good luck.

DTBT
 
Thank you mate - I really appreciate your reply and you're right - I have the answers to my questions, i just need to stop being a moron. I'm yet to have deleted my dealers number as A) he had the best / purest coke I've ever tried B) if used say once a month, Coke can be a lot of fun and make parties that little bit better. That said, I have so many more reasons to give up cocaine than to stick to it. Having an addictive personality really is the worst. I noticed yesterday that I get a horrible effect from coke if
cut with a certain ingredient - my face goes all patchy and blotchy - looks horrible and no girls would go near me! Oh well, just another reason to give it up right? :)

If anyone else has time to reply, it would be a huge help. I literally have nobody who I can talk to about this.
 
Maybe your not a moron (even though you're your actions appear moronic to you) When drugs caused problems in my life and I continued to use, I eventually came to the conclusion that I was an addict. That has nothing to do with how intelligent one is. See if you can honestly stick to once a month. Good coke will more than likely be available still a year from now. See if you can go longer than a month. This would create some more self awareness. I'm guessing the majority of people on bluelight have addictive personalities, so you're not alone there. Someone else will probably chime in soon with additional experiences.

DTBT
 
Hi ants!
Yes, I think you should stop using coke, or at least, cut back on using.
The more weekends you use consecutively , the harder it's going to be to stop, and you've already used for ten consecutive weekends. At least it's not creeping into the week (eventually it will), but point blank the longer you use, the harder to stop. Stop now while you still are able to white knuckle it and go cold turkey :)
Just thing of how much cash you will save by dumping the coke! You should also temporarily put down all you associate with coke, and yes, erase your dealers number and change yours if they call you.
Good luck!
 
There are several studies supporting that the med "baclofene" which recently became used "on-label" as an alcohol substitute, because it takes away the psychological cravings amongst other things, could also take away the psychological cravings for cocaine... You could research that on the net and think about obtaining some from your GP... https://www.google.fr/webhp?sourcei...=2&ie=UTF-8#q=quitting cocaine with baclofene here are a bunch of google links about the subject...

Also as said above, erase contacts numbers, people who are your "cocaine buddies"... depending on your family situation, coming clean with your familly about your use, admitting you need help, their support etc. could help... Rehab is another option, but never worked for me... easier said than done sometimes, but as you said you wanted to settle down with a gal, r u shy? is that why u don't have a stable relationship, if you want something, take it man, as lon as she's not a coke head, she will give you a reason (think about how happy you could make her with all the money you save on coke (restaurants, journeys etc.)

It can be done... all the best to ya bro... :)

-Phatty
 
Have you motivational / social issues in your everyday life that are not connected to drug use? Have you thought about ADHD / prescription stimulants? If you have the feeling to "need" the coke sometimes like you said you can't party without - it might be that you are genetically predisposed to some extent, e.g. low dopamine levels ... this i what I have (part of), had been undiagnosed for a too long time and even failed to get good education and job cause of that. If I were prescribed methylphenidate or amphetamine in my youth, I would be much further in life now..

But well, it's sad that it's just alcohol to be legally available. I hate drinking. Really.

Have read about baclofen before, but I doubt somewhat that it works for coke. It substitutes for alcohol due to its GABAergic mechanism, and might reduce cravings in general, but if one likes that stimulatory dopaminergic feeling it doesn't cut it. At least it did not work for me, just side effects.. but then again, I never had severe cravings for any substance despite having done a shitload of different drugs.. I just want to feel good. Particular substances rather make me feel aversive against them if I used too much.

There's speculation about bupropion (atypical antidepressant) or the said stimulants to work as substitutes for coke.
 
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Alcohol might trigger massive cravings for better drugs. It might be best for you to put that one down too if you're gonna take a drug vacation. Keep your eye on the prize. Remind yourself that you will be high again someday and this is only a short term goal...you won't be without your chems forever...
and best of luck to you. The longest I went without getting high was 10 months. You can do this shit. Deleting drug dealers numbers is useless, if you want drugs you'll get drugs. Make sure your money is spent on food and like you said, clothes. Maybe have a loved one hold it for you.
 
VitamaN said:
Deleting drug dealers numbers is useless
Click to expand...
Stopping requires that you make an honest decision to stop first of all. Next it requires a total commitment to stay the course. I agree deleting numbers is useless if you're not committed to stopping altogether but it may buy you the time you need during short term moments of craving. I also agree that if you continue to drink, you have little chance of staying away from coke.

DTBT
 
First, an inpatient medical detox might be the place to start. Second, 12 Step groups can really help (I personally have done inpatient and outpatient rehabs and find them a huge waste of money). Sometimes just forcing yourself to be around sober people for a scheduled period of time can make a huge difference. Attending meetings is only half the battle though, there's a great deal of "cleaning house" that needs to done and it's hard work; still, relapse is very common, so it's a process. A lot of people frown on AA/NA, but I speak from experience when I say it has helped me kick an oxy habit (~500mg/day) and has cut my dextroamphetamine binges down by 3/4. Good luck to you, hope my response was of some help.
 
Several years ago I had a drug problem. I had to completely stop associating with those people. I moved to another state away from where I grew up and knew everyone, I was clean for about 3 months (pretty good start right), went back for a visit, seen my old contacts and wham right back into it I went. My dad always told me" youre judged by the crowd you run with" think about that for a sec and wait for it....my wife told me" you tend to be like the 5 people you most closely associate yourself with". I personally think deleting the numbers is useless because you already have them memorized, if you were like me your fingers automatically know what numbers to hit.

To start off I would stop going around ANY where you will be tempted, friends and family ( who may use) dance clubs, bars anywhere the temptation is.

Second find clean people to socialize with, I had tons of "friends" who used, but I also had clean ones too, I started spending more time with them. Coming clean to my family didn't work so well for me, my dad threw me out. Now for the part that you may or may not have thought about. God was my biggest help with coming clean. Ive been clean for 15 years now. I do take lortab for my back and valium for my depression, but not to the extent that im addicted to it.

Have you thought about natural alternatives?? yoga, meditation, herbal supplements etc...

My brother was a serious alcoholic and AA really worked for him, he had to spend a couple years in it but now he can very much control his drinking whereas before his drinking controlled him.

I wish you the best
 
Thanks so much for all your responses guys - basically, i did coke again on Friday and actually don't regret it because I did it with friends and kept the dosage low.

I think the key to coke use is....if you can only do it at BIG parties where you are with friends (1/2 a month ), that's not too bad. It's once you start doing alone that you have a problem and it's that what I need to and WILL stop.

THANKS THANKS THANKS - love you all :)
 
Amazing eh - I'm already trying to justify my usage on Friday....

I've deleted all dealers on my phone. Let's see how this goes.
 
donetherebeenthat said:
Stopping requires that you make an honest decision to stop first of all. Next it requires a total commitment to stay the course. I agree deleting numbers is useless if you're not committed to stopping altogether but it may buy you the time you need during short term moments of craving. I also agree that if you continue to drink, you have little chance of staying away from coke.

DTBT
Click to expand...

hmmm now that I see the quote I think I might have been a little too blunt on that one . Deleting drug dealers numbers might help in the sense that if you look into your phone and don't see the digits you might avoid a drug craving but craving is inevitable . I deleted numbers and found my dudes on facebook, yahoo, all that shit. Too much connection these days to just "delete" people.
 
I haven't just deleted numbers - I've deleted every trace of any dealers number on my phone :)

Gonna try and stick to good old Brooklyn Lager ha
 
Tuesday - Saturday - 4 grams of coke. Time to get help I think.
 
What is prohibiting you from abstaining from the cocaine use? Is it the way you feel in-between uses that drives you to use more, is it self-medicating?

I am going to agree with the poster who mentioned that alcohol might instigate the use of narcotics. For me, alcohol lowers my inhibitions, as soon as I have more than a couple of drinks in me, drugs sound like a good idea. As a result, I can't drink much anymore.

I was an IV cocaine/opiate addict for many years, so I can tell you what worked for me. First, I had to quit using everything. This was impossible for me, so I went to Central America to do ibogaine. I had to tell my family I was an addict, I had to tell my good non-addict friends. I needed a clean support system. I stayed out of my normal surroundings (NYC) for nine months. I traveled. I started running, martial arts, rock climbing, and yoga. This gave me things I liked to do everyday - things that if I got high or whatever, I knew I wouldn't get up in the morning and do them. Things that gave me a natural high. I started eating healthy and I got into nootropics and psychedelics. Phenibut once every 7 days has been really good for me and I like psilocybin quite a lot.

Good luck. I lived in London for about 18 months of my period of heavy drug use and it wasn't an easy place. I would consider getting totally straight - however that may be for you - and relocating for a bit.
 
Ants,

Take it from someone who had lived with addiction 20+ years. I really didn't become "bad" until my toddler son was murdered, then my usage got worse.

I work every day, maintain a household, help my surviving children, and volunteer, but part of me is still dead inside, and it numbs the pain. I'm a functioning addict for life, sadly.


My best piece of advice to you is to QUIT while you are ahead. Seriously, quit. While recreational use is fun, you've already developed a habit .. You can't do without it, and feeling the effects from comedown.

Change your weekend habits, friends, find another way to enjoy life without cocaine because not only are you using an expensive drug, cocaine has serious long term health risk on your heart.
 
it's now 3 years later, I'm unemployed, in more debt and in the midst of a horrible coke comedown.

I'm starting to really hate being a failure. Most recently I lasted 25 days, 12 days, 14 days, 8 days.

My problem is alcohol always leads to coke...
 
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