Coping with cravings!

[Bogeyman]

Yo, I just cant keep on living like this, I am done with this fkin shit. Im turnin my life around I am sick of being stuck in this vicious cycle. (Heroin)

So I am gona stay clean but the cravings are fkin consuming my whole life I dont kno how to cope with it, My legs are always shaking and moving and cant stand still.
Im restless as fk, Theyre so tense and my whole body fkin hurts so bad psychicaly becouse Ive lost its ability to calm.
And my hands have the most awful tremors Its horrible, My self-esteem is down the shitter aswell becouse I am walking around like a fkin junkie all the time in every second of life just craving and craving.
All I wanna do is just lay down and shake and shiver like a mfker, The cravings are so intense its unreal.

I cant focus on shit, I try listen music which I love or do whatever the fk else but I just cant relax it just hurts so fkin bad in my body.
What am I supposed to do, How long will it keep goin like this?

All I wanna be able to do is find peace and lay down on a nice comfy space and not feel trapped inside of my own body and just let the music flow through my entire self and take me on a journey, But I cant becouse these god damn fkin cravings.

 

[Libertin]

The duration of opioid withdrawal depends on several factors including the drug(s) you've been taking, the dose and length of time you've been doing it. In some circumstances, the acute withdrawal phase can be over in as little as 3-5 days.

What should you do? Well I think lots of exercise helps, it may be hard to get motivated but when you're working out your body produces endorphins which will make you feel much better.

 

[Bogeyman]

Im talkin bout the PAWS and fkin after-effects of the shit , the acute withdrawal is eazy but stayin clean is what is so fkin hard becouse these ccravings

 

[Prelude2TragedyII]

Just keep yourself as busy as you can.
I know you are going to feel like laying in bed and not doing anything(but you can't because of RLS)

My advice to you is to get excercise. Lots and lots of it.
It's going to be difficult to start moving at first, as everything will hurt,
But once you start moving, just continue to do so, go for a walk, jog, biking, swimming(swimming is great, or sitting in a spa)
Any of these will help. (I hate excercise, and I've struggled with addiction to opiates from the age of 14, currently I'm 24 and on Sub, but once I started to exercise, I noticed much of my depression ,stress, and pain was alleviated, it didn't disappear all together, but it was greatly diminished )

I remember the first time I had severe withdrawal and cravings,
I just wanted to lay in bed, sweat, cry, and be miserable.
Everyone kept telling me to do stuff, get up, read a book, swim, exercise, watch a movie.
But I was so miserable and unmotivated I really didn't listen to much of it.

Being an addict, obviously I've been through withdrawal more than once.
And I can say , at least for myself, if I exercise a lot during my withdrawal. It makes a big difference for me.
Listen to music while you walk, or do whatever you plan to do.


Also eat healthy.
Try to get some food rich in Omega 3 & 6 Fatty acids.

You're going to feel crappy, for a long while, so just keep that in mind.
Nothing is going to be a 'fix all', but you can definitely try to improve the situation.

After about 2-3 weeks though, if you eat healthy, and exercise, you will start to feel quite an improvement.

Stick to it, know that you're not alone, many many people have been exactly what you are going through right now.
You'll be okay!

 

[pbuilder]

If you want to quit by yourself you will need to do a taper to avoid bad withdrawals and paws. If you have a real habit, consider getting into a sub or methadone program to taper.

But that is really just a maintence addiction, I'd recommend to do it yourself. Cop some h, and divide it into lowering doses each day for 2-4 weeks. You need self control , no more getting high and slipping up.

Let's say you have a half a gram a day habit. You can immediately cut that in half to 250mgs for maintence, and then use a scale and taper down 10mgs a day for a few weeks until you are down to only 50mgs a day. Then u can maintain at that for a bit, then slowly continue to taper. 5mgs less each week.

This will hopefully keep ur body from withdrawing cold turkey, but you can't slip up to just get high "one more time" or you ruin the taper.

You have to truly want to get clean and have a disciplined taper. If you can stick to it, you will avoid all the serious withdrawals and eventually you will be maintaining at such a low dose that you can just stop.

You have to want to get clean though, truly want it. Imagine the relieve of a normal life not centered around scoring your fix everyday.

 

[Bogeyman]

ya I alrdy did quit cold turkey like 2 weeks ago but I still feel so horrible.

I've been in denial about my addiction for so long going on 1-2month binges here and there and thinkin all was good and that it had a positive effect and really didnt have any negative effect on my life but now i've realized how its completely ruined everythin and ive hit rock bottom so im quittin for good becouse I just cant be goin through these vicious cycles of binges and withdrawals and binges and withdrawals and lyin to myself that i'm not craving it and blamin the cravings on other shit instead of facing the fact that I have a addiction and am a sterotypical junkie.

But now that ive realized how much ive been in denial about it and truly want to stay clean I can feel the cravings sooooooooo much harder, and the PAWS is soooooo much worse than before.
And I dont kno how to cope with it its so overwhelming, so much emotions on why I ended up getting addicted in the first place and just fkin shitloads of shit

also I get sort of anxious becouse of my tremors (i have pill rolling tremors or whatever) sorta similar to whats seen in parkinson, but i guess thats normal right ? and they will go away? it makes me a lil anxious that ive fked up my dopamine i never really paid attention to them before becouse i was so far out of this world and in denial about everything and my legs are trembling so much aswell and my toes are constantly moving and cant stand still

edit; fk i just chunked down whole down on benzos, no clue how much but just swallowed a fkin chunk (not enough to od or anythin like that tho i have huge tolerance) (not addicted to benzos tho, atleast not now.....) prob gona paass out soon so i can deal with this better tommorow, rly need sleep bad feels like havent gotten proper sleep in ages if any1 has skype or w.e n wants to chat u can send me PM im usualy pretty strong-headed n deal thru through everythin alone n dont wana be a nusiance to people but if you feel like it may give you somthing in return than by all means do so n maybe i been havin wrong attitude to go through everythin allone i dont kno.
i dont want som1 to "help" me or just be there just becouse of "me" you kno, and be a nusisnace, idk im driftin now so off i go

 

[pbuilder]

ya I alrdy did quit cold turkey like 2 weeks ago but I still feel so horrible.

I've been in denial about my addiction for so long going on 1-2month binges here and there and thinkin all was good and that it had a positive effect and really didnt have any negative effect on my life but now i've realized how its completely ruined everythin and ive hit rock bottom so im quittin for good becouse I just cant be goin through these vicious cycles of binges and withdrawals and binges and withdrawals and lyin to myself that i'm not craving it and blamin the cravings on other shit instead of facing the fact that I have a addiction and am a sterotypical junkie.

But now that ive realized how much ive been in denial about it and truly want to stay clean I can feel the cravings sooooooooo much harder, and the PAWS is soooooo much worse than before.
And I dont kno how to cope with it its so overwhelming, so much emotions on why I ended up getting addicted in the first place and just fkin shitloads of shit

also I get sort of anxious becouse of my tremors (i have pill rolling tremors or whatever) sorta similar to whats seen in parkinson, but i guess thats normal right ? and they will go away? it makes me a lil anxious that ive fked up my dopamine i never really paid attention to them before becouse i was so far out of this world and in denial about everything and my legs are trembling so much aswell and my toes are constantly moving and cant stand still

edit; fk i just chunked down whole down on benzos, no clue how much but just swallowed a fkin chunk (not enough to od or anythin like that tho i have huge tolerance) (not addicted to benzos tho, atleast not now.....) prob gona paass out soon so i can deal with this better tommorow, rly need sleep bad feels like havent gotten proper sleep in ages if any1 has skype or w.e n wants to chat u can send me PM im usualy pretty strong-headed n deal thru through everythin alone n dont wana be a nusiance to people but if you feel like it may give you somthing in return than by all means do so n maybe i been havin wrong attitude to go through everythin allone i dont kno.
i dont want som1 to "help" me or just be there just becouse of "me" you kno, and be a nusisnace, idk im driftin now so off i go

Denial is normal. Everyone thinks they can beat the odds and not get addicted and keep it under control.

2 weeks clean is huge man, I recommend you buy some over the counter loperamide and try a dose of 8-12mgs day 1 and see if it helps with the withdrawals. If it does, maintain at that dose and then slowly taper it down. If it doesn't , try up to 24mgs but anymore then that in a day is asking for serious constipation and side effects. It should help a lot with the physical symptoms from paws.

 

[Bogeyman]

na I dont wanna take other medications I just wanna get through this clean and sober n not touch shit
but i get anxious becouse of my tremors which is really bad, pill rolling tremor for example and how my legs are always so shaky. i get worried ive fked up my dopamine rectors etc and that i will have some mild form of parkinson and that it later will progress etc.
which is just anxiety im sure of it , its totaly normal to have sort of pill rolling tremors from it now? and my hands hurt so bad too and i never kno where to put them.

n becouse this anxiety i get even more cravings and just think i wna get back to using again and just go on a all-end binge and go on a overdose at the end of it becouse im never goin to get better n get out of feelin like this.

 

[herbavore]

Sounds really, really rough right now, bogeyman. I can understand how tired and worried you feel. Anxiety can be dealt with using mindfulness and the information is everywhere. Look for it online and read some things to get you started. It can be very comforting and it is empowering to learn how to relieve your own thoughts.

 

[Bogeyman]

ya it is tough as fk dno what to do with myself feel so trapped inside of my own body and imprisioned my whole skin is crawlin and shit.

no1 told me tho if its normal to have pill rollin tremors and shit , i go stand for a smoke and my legs hurt like fk and they cant stand still n shake like fk aswell like tremors
it gets me anxious that ive fked up my dopamine n will get some form of parkinson,, i am 99% sure its just anxxiety and thats it completeley normal PAWS symptoms but i wud like to kno if u guys experience this aswell, it wud be a relief

took benzos again today just to cope (( gona try hard not to get addicted to those fkers instead , tho i have good willpower so im sure it wont happen . im done livin with fkin addictions so i just wna break free from this shit. admittin' is the first step ive been in denial for so long

all i wana do is lay in bed and shiver n shake its fkin awful god damn this shit

 

[Bogeyman]

u kno i have the classic pill rollin tremor that is seen in parkinson, and my legs are really shaking and have tremors etc aswell. like some form of mild parkinson, im afraid its gna progress n get worse.

is it normal in paws or can it happen to get pill rollin tremors and symptoms that mimic some form of parkinson? im only 20 n it shudnt technicly be possible for me to get parkinson, im thinkin maybe some form of drug-induced parkinson but that goes away right?
i just need some sort of comfort and if im alone with feelin these tremors, it gets me very anxious and makes it 100x more harder to cope with the PAWS and cravings, tho they might be linked directly.
i just think its weird that its the classical pill rolling tremor u kno. i kno normal tremors and those are totaly expected and shit but its the fkin pill rollin ones that are makin me so god damn anxious, droppin forks n other shit n havvin trouble holdin cell phones and texting etc.
do any of you other people get this and if its a drug-induduced parkinson does it go away completley or what ?

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Hey man I feel your pain, I've just got clean from opiates (again) and two months or so down the line I've just had using thoughts start to creep back in. The first thing to say is that it's just a thought, and that thought will only set you back if it turns in to action. It's ok to have using thoughts so try not to beat yourself up about them if you are.

In terms of making sure the thoughts don't turn in to action the best thing to do is to be open and talk about them imo. Get them out in the air with someone you can trust and go through exactly what is troubling you with regards to cravings. You may discover a pattern that is happening which you can then address and work out of your life and hopefully that will reduce the intrusive thoughts. You may discover there is no apparent pattern to them as well, I think both scenarios are pretty regular. However, I find that just talking about the thoughts can reduce the frequency with which they happen.

Even with the best will and knowledge and openness in the world sometimes that monkey will start coming at you telling you to use though. In that situation I find it's best to get up and do something. Sometimes sitting with your thoughts is a good thing, sometimes it can be bad if you are festering around thoughts of relapse. If you have nobody to talk to then I like getting out and doing some physical activity. When you're going hard at something physically (whatever it may be) it tends to consume your mind and you're just living in the moment fighting against the limits of your own body. I like swimming, cycling and martial arts. You stop thinking about using pretty sharpish when someone is trying to kick your head off.

I guess the point is that if you can't talk about your feelings or if that openness isn't working then when you get the thoughts do something that will ensure your mind is just focused on the moment, living in the now and not thinking about the future. It could be sports, reading, art, cooking....different things work for different people, but if you can do something that will consume your mind and ensure it is focused purely on the moment you are living in there will be no room for using thoughts, you will be able to push them out. That's not to say you should be repressing them, be open, but I think if you are doing that then the way to go is doing something that forces your mind to focus on the now and can push using thougts out.

Anyway...ramble over. That's what works for me. Good luck.

edit: Just read your post properly and realised you are still suffering physically not just mentally. I find that a hot shower provides amazing temporary relief from physical craving. A general rule that I try to keep in my head that helps me get through things is that pain is weakness leaving the body, whether it be physical or mental. I know it's difficult but try to embrace the pain, realise that every moment you endure is moving you towards being a stronger person. Try to use the pain to fuel you mentally to get through it, it's pushing you towards freedom and one day soon enough you will wake up and realise that you're through the physical challenge. That's a good feeling.

 

[edgewise1]

Hot showers and hot baths are great for the things you are having. The tremors, shakes, and pain can all benefit to a degree. Not everybody has the exact same symptoms, but everyone has some symptoms, depending on how much and which opiate/opioid they took.

You have been clean for 2 1/2 weeks? Your anxiety may be making some of the symptoms you are having worse just because it is at such a high level it seems. You need to get it under control as much as you possibly can. You mention that you have benzo's, what kind and how many? With your anxiety so out of control it may be a good idea to use some. But don't start taking a handful at a time because you will get addicted to them and as bad as opiate withdrawal is, benzodiazepine withdrawal is worse and IT can actually kill.

Try getting yourself motivated and get active doing something to at least try and take your mind off of the problem. And keep posting! !!

 

[Xorkoth]

Regarding the tremors, I Googled a bit and I see that for some people, tremors such as you describe are a withdrawal/PAWS symptom. I wouldn't worry about it too much, though I never got that, just the damn RLS (which is horrible, I feel your pain). Try to set your mind at ease about that, and the lowered anxiety should help you get through this.

And good for you for wanting to get through this without other drugs, that's strong and admirable, and definitely recommended. And as others have said, be careful of the benzos. Do your best not to use them much, don't take a lot and absolutely do not take them daily. You mention you have a high tolerance... that's a sure sign that physical dependency is coming, and you do NOT want that, as you'll be in a worse place than you are with the opiate addiction.

 

[Bogeyman]

Yea thx so much for all these posts they really help me alot, esspicly THECATMAN.
helps me get throguh another day.

What you read bout the tremors , was it pill-rolling ones (aka parkinsonism tremors) or was it somthing else?
just wna be able to drop that thought entirely.

And yes RLS is horrible fk that.

and ye i have chunks of benzos i get trouble sleepin n and all shit is killin me so bad so i think i go up havin just 2 valiums then go lay down in bed and shake and crave like a mfker and end up poppin like 12-13

im not gona enter that cycle tho i will be extremly careful. but its a hard time for me now, and again thanks so much for the posts.
thecatinhat made me realize a couple of things i can talk to people about on why i ended up gettin addiction in the first place, bassicly i have childhood trauma's and was abused so yeah. its alot to deal with with all these memories coming back becouse theyve been blocked becouse, ive been dissosiciated (which is when your mind blocks memories from your past and stores them in different parts of your brain becouse their so traumatic) for such a long time in my life that i used heroin to escape the the hole that i always feel inside.

but if i can process and the memories and get in peace with my past then i think alot of things can work out.
and you are totaly right about EMBRACING the pain, ive been blocking it for so long. it needs to come out and fkin deal with it , it is a god damn demon for sure .

 

[herbavore]

^You are really on the right track, Bogeyman. Get some self-help books to lead you through dealing with the childhood trauma--they can help guide you. Can you afford any counseling for yourself?

 

[24hr2go]

hey bogeyman

do you have any good friends which can help? distraction is a great way to divert the mind. if you can put together a weekly planner of some sort, meet friends for coffee etc go on walks. any friends you know with dogs that need walking etc. does not have to be jam packed with things to do. just some things to look forward to in each day. i find keeping clean and fresh (yourself) also the bed sheets smelling fresh makes a huge positive difference . eat clean foods, fruits etc. day by day things will improve. tracking your progress either yourself or another person doing it i find to be very rewarding. each week or every few days look back on the last. notice small improvements etc

hot showers are amazing
having a clean shave feels great
do you have much nearby where you live to do? cheap things or free eg parks, lakes
whats the weather like at the moment? the sun is such a powerful healer! lets hope its around for you.

if you want to have random chats on skype, check in with progress share ideas. i have a lot of free time for the next few weeks. my skype door is open. just pm me if you want.

 

[Bogeyman]

aight thx alot

i feel really scared tho becouse its taken away my entire soul , im so afraid i will never let the music flow through my bones like it did before it took away my soul.
i dont feel alive , i cant feel pleassure in anything , lookin at art etc which i used to love to do , and drift off and get all these creatives thoughts are all gone.

will they come back ? or am i always gona feel dead on the inside , and never let the music flow through my mind . cus art is everythin to me , and it took that away from me.

and if i use or w.e , it just kills creativeity even more , cus all u do is nood , u cant enjoy music n shit when ur smacked up on dope.

n if so how long before it gets back if ever ? cus u kno u hear alot of ppl say , u will never feel experieneces in life like you once did before you got hooked on dope.

i just wanna go home n let the music flow through my soul like it once could and lookin at pictures art etc

 

[Xorkoth]

It will come back. It takes a different amount of time for everyone, and it feels like it never will, until it does. Just hang in there, you'll be letting the music and art flow through your soul and seeing the beauty in life again.

 

[Bogeyman]

alot of ppl feel like that too tho ?
that their mind is just like blank and that u cant get any visuals from art , etc etc . everythin is just blank.