(note to self: this needs a different title to do it justice)
It's weird to hear your voice on the other end of the phone,
And conversation is picked up nonchalantly as we might have left it 2 years ago.
There is no uneasiness, no mental grasping for something to say,
There is no bickering about the past.
There is just casualness and ramblings...
None of it had to be pre-coreographed or pre-scripted.
We talk about nothing... we talk about everything.
And i forget for a moment how badly you once broke my heart.
You came back into my life just about as suddenly and spontaneously as you left it...
The way one day we were fighting about socks,
And the next day you had a job in some other city,
And the day after that you were fucking the girl who you now still live with,
And who i'll never talk to again without wanting to puke.
You came back as a sentence in an email,
A punch of numbers into a Spring PCS phone.
With nothing better for either of us to do on a tuesday,
We talked for the first time in over a year.
All at once, the warning flags went up all around me.
No one has ever hurt me quite like you did... to the extent that you did
And it took me almost 3 years for me to be able to say,
I'm over you.
And i am....
Last night your voice was still in my head while i cooked my sweet boy dinner,
A dinner which he did not make fun of like you would have
And sitting next to him on the futon with the black blanket,
Watching him enjoy something that i worked hard on,
You couldn't ruin it for me this time...
You couldn't steal the smile off my face if you tried.
It took this fabulous creature next to me
To erase all the pain that you caused
To put back the glitter on these eyelids and cheekbones
And to give me a reason not to regret falling in love again.
You will never get to that part of my heart again.
Not with all the sweet words in the world.
I've never been able to write your name here without crying,
Even long after the fact,
But today, i'm confident, and i'm strong
Becuase i have everything i want in this person
Who comes home to me at night when he says he's going to,
And doesn't leave me alone, up all night with bad thoughts and tearstained cheeks.
You can't hurt me anymore,
But i'm not the kind of person to hold a grudge
And i wont lie and say i havent missed the friend you once used to be to me...
I might sit across from you in a restaurant again someday,
much like we did on your 21st birthday over margaritas and old memories,
But i'll never look at you the way i did 4 years ago at that club,
And i'll never trust another thing you say.
But after all this time....
I think i might be able to at least talk to you again,
So that all those little random things,
Which i want to share so badly with my old friend,
The only one who can truly appreciate them,
I'll be able to finally tell them to you.
And when we go our separate ways at the end,
I wont be looking back,
Wondering whether or not i'll ever see you again...
You drift in and out of my life like a cloud...
But i'm done gazing at your beauty.
I'm done following your crazy course across the blue skies of my life.
You can't hurt me anymore.
It's weird to hear your voice on the other end of the phone,
And conversation is picked up nonchalantly as we might have left it 2 years ago.
There is no uneasiness, no mental grasping for something to say,
There is no bickering about the past.
There is just casualness and ramblings...
None of it had to be pre-coreographed or pre-scripted.
We talk about nothing... we talk about everything.
And i forget for a moment how badly you once broke my heart.
You came back into my life just about as suddenly and spontaneously as you left it...
The way one day we were fighting about socks,
And the next day you had a job in some other city,
And the day after that you were fucking the girl who you now still live with,
And who i'll never talk to again without wanting to puke.
You came back as a sentence in an email,
A punch of numbers into a Spring PCS phone.
With nothing better for either of us to do on a tuesday,
We talked for the first time in over a year.
All at once, the warning flags went up all around me.
No one has ever hurt me quite like you did... to the extent that you did
And it took me almost 3 years for me to be able to say,
I'm over you.
And i am....
Last night your voice was still in my head while i cooked my sweet boy dinner,
A dinner which he did not make fun of like you would have
And sitting next to him on the futon with the black blanket,
Watching him enjoy something that i worked hard on,
You couldn't ruin it for me this time...
You couldn't steal the smile off my face if you tried.
It took this fabulous creature next to me
To erase all the pain that you caused
To put back the glitter on these eyelids and cheekbones
And to give me a reason not to regret falling in love again.
You will never get to that part of my heart again.
Not with all the sweet words in the world.
I've never been able to write your name here without crying,
Even long after the fact,
But today, i'm confident, and i'm strong
Becuase i have everything i want in this person
Who comes home to me at night when he says he's going to,
And doesn't leave me alone, up all night with bad thoughts and tearstained cheeks.
You can't hurt me anymore,
But i'm not the kind of person to hold a grudge
And i wont lie and say i havent missed the friend you once used to be to me...
I might sit across from you in a restaurant again someday,
much like we did on your 21st birthday over margaritas and old memories,
But i'll never look at you the way i did 4 years ago at that club,
And i'll never trust another thing you say.
But after all this time....
I think i might be able to at least talk to you again,
So that all those little random things,
Which i want to share so badly with my old friend,
The only one who can truly appreciate them,
I'll be able to finally tell them to you.
And when we go our separate ways at the end,
I wont be looking back,
Wondering whether or not i'll ever see you again...
You drift in and out of my life like a cloud...
But i'm done gazing at your beauty.
I'm done following your crazy course across the blue skies of my life.
You can't hurt me anymore.
