*Control*(ok this is both thoughts and kinda a poem)

[TecknoticDream]

Reaching for a star
That I'll never reach
Dreaming of the love
That I'll never find
Hopelessly devoted
To one
That will never love me back
Painfuly regreting
All the things
I wish I had never done
If only I were normal
If only I werent sick
If only I werent killing myself slowly
Maybe I would have all that I wish for.....
I wish I could fix it all
I wish I could just make it all right
But I have fucked up so much
That I doubt I will ever have a normal life again
in and out of the hospital
week after week
all because I think I'm not good enough
all because its the only thing I can control in my life
I cant find love
I cant keep many friends
I cant even write all that well.....
The one thing I can control is eating
Something that I now rarely do
I hate being like this
I have tried so hard to stop the sickness
But every time it comes back.....
I guess this is how its supposed to be.....
slowly dying at 15........
I feel like I'm standing in a room
screaming
and no one even realises I there
let alone that I need help
I know its time to do something.....
But its so hard to....
I look in the miror and see
a gurl who isnt me at all
I see a gurl no one loves who has nothing.....
why me........
I dont want to die....

 

[harraser]

hey darls, I dont have time to write the novel that I intend to reply to this with right now so Im just replying to say that I read it and liked it, it made me so sad. so stay tuned for the real reply..... *hugs*

 

[TecknoticDream]

::hugs::thank you ant for always being there..me wuvs you
[ 16 March 2002: Message edited by: TecknoticDream ]