Continuing an online relationship. Advice needed.

[floatingaround]

Hey guys.

So recently I met this girl online. She lives in Florida and I'm in Australia. I'm 21 and she's 22. We clicked from the start and after two weeks of constantly talking and skyping we both admitted to each other we liked each other. Before we started talking she was coming to Australia for a holiday by herself in December.

A few weeks later we decided to make it official that we were together. Perhaps going into things a bit too fast looking back.

We Skype and talk almost every hour of every day. I should add she has a one year old child whose currently with his dad. They are fighting over custody and she's not seen her son for over 3 months.

This girl is incredible. Not only is she beautiful, gorgeous and stunning, her personality reflects the same, she's so genuine and caring and loving. I've not met anyone like her before. I'm extremely greatfull she's come into my life. As weird as it may sound, I have fallen in love with this girl. She makes me feel incredible and so special. It was her birthday a month ago and I sent her a couple dozen roses for it. She said she could see herself having a family with me in the future, and I won't lie - I genuinely feel the same way. I guess that's getting my hopes up. I like to be positive and think I'd be with this girl in the future, even though we haven't met in person yet we literally Skype for hours and hours everyday. I've got to know her very very well in the past two months.

We would get into these minor arguments over petty shit. I don't think us not being together in real life is a big factor in this. We can only do and say so much over Skype or Facebook.

Yesterday we decided it would be best to slow things down and put what we had on 'pause' until she comes and stays with me in December. That's when we're going to properly have a go at being together And I'm going to fight for what we had / have. I'm not going to lose her, I'm going to sweep her off her feet and show her how much she means to me. Until then though, we 'won't be together' and agreed to do our own thing and 'see what happens' when she does come over.

The thing is, of course I don't like how things have ended up for now. She dosent know how to talk to me, it's not the same as it was - even before we admitted to liking each other, I guess that's normal. I'm confused as to what exactly I should do. I'm going to fight to be with her regardless when she's here. But she thinks maybe we need some time off from speaking to each other until then or just before.I tend to agree but at the same time I want to talk to her and find out how she's doing, and I feel if we stop talking the spark we have will essentially die down by the time she comes over here. I plan to send her flowers again in a week or two time to let her know I'm not letting this go, even if we arnt talking exactly.

So I want to know what u guys think, and what you would do in my situation? Would u continue trying to speak to her even though it's clear she's unsure of how to feel and talk back, or should we stop talking and give it some time until she comes over here? Is there anything else I can apart from sending her flowers or what not to make sure she's still keen for me by the time she comes over?

I appreciate any input you guys give.

FA.

 

[Bearlove]

What led to the putting things on 'pause'? If your meeting up in a months time then surely it would be easier on the pair of you to let this run its course naturally. Seems a bit strange to make such a big change in the relationship this close to a meeting.

Did you both maybe get a bit carried away with things and now that as she is getting close to coming over may have 'second doubts' that what was fun online is actually going to be real in a few weeks. Online relationships can just come along when you both need them, they can fizzle out just as quickly when / if either partner finds something in real life that means more to them etc

I think you should both stay in contact with each other, get what is causing the problem out in the open.

 

[lola]

^ maybe so, but still... don't send flowers. I'd just feel it's putting pressure on.

She has a kid and custody battle (and it's unusual for the dad to end up with custody, why was that? Usually requires mental health/addiction or some sort of issue with the mother). Anyway she's probably stressed and perhaps doesn't need the intensity right now.

If she's asking for space and you want to prove to her you're boyfriend material, accepting her need for space (while making it clear you'd like to hear from her when she's ready) is probably the best way to go IMO.

 

[Lysis]

this is a sweet post and reminds me a lot of me.

OP, LDRs are hard, and being on the other side of the globe is harder. There is a child involved, so that's gonna put a lot of stress on the relationship. Doesn't make it impossible, but you are free and she is not, so you have to take a step back and be understanding.

You have to "unselfish" yourself, really. She has a kid, and that will be her ultimate priority. You'll have to be patient and at the same time you have to accept that she might have to give you up for her kid. Wait for a long while or make sacrifices.

It's hard, and really you are not in control and that's the toughest part. You're probably free to do whatever and ready to try, but you have to be patient if you're willing.

Not sure what I can tell you, but you have to be patient and understanding. The frustrating part is she probably knows more than you and she is ultimately in control of your relationship's fate. You have to think about all of that.

I think if I were you, I'd ponder all of it and then see how it goes in December.

 

[floatingaround]

Wow I forgot I made this post.

I appreciate the replys guys. Anyway, things didn't work out.. Some trust issues broke down, and we had to put her dates for flying over here back.

I think the whole reality of the situation was put aside(for me anyway) she can't leave Florida because of her son, and I can't see myself moving there anytime soon for many reasons. Were just living to far different lives at the moment.

Anyway, I had to cut her out today. There's been tension in the past couple of weeks, I won't go into it too much. In the end, I couldn't deal with the pain and anxietys of the situation.

It's sorta funny..I haven't been on cheer for a while and I thought my situation was bad, then I come on here and read a few topics a lot worse off then me and I'm reminded I've not even met this girl it could have been a lot worse.

Time to move on

 

[Corazon]

sorry it didn't work out. Sounds like you have a solid perspective and are moving on.

 

[llama112]

Although it didn't work out, you seem pretty smart and realistic, and at least you learned from this experience