DemonSeed
Bluelighter
Hello bluelight,
I wrote a long in details trip report for 2C-E. I want to send it to erowid.org but I would need some reviews before. It was translated from french and I am not sure about some expressions and spelling, etc. If someone could point this out to me, it would really be appreciate. I know no one who could review it for me. Advides would be nice too, like what did you like? what didn't you like? what didn't you understand?, etc. Thanks a lot!
Contemplative Walk of Autumn
2C-E
DOSE : 19 mg oral 2C-E Capsule
Weight : 145 lbs
It is Saturday 2:00 PM. I feel rested and available for a psychedelic experience. I decide to take 19 mg of 2C-E. It’s one of the phenethyl-amines I am the most experienced with. A few months ago, I discovered the joys of the contemplative walk under its influence. Lately I have been using 2C-E a lot, especially to play a video game, the Final Fantasy XII. This was a fantastic experience; it felt like I was on a mystic quest. I came to realise this compound really reveals itself to me when I twin it with meditation or just let myself sink into daydreaming. The first time I did 2C-E, after a break of one month while I heavily practiced meditation, I had life-changing spirituals experiences. I would go for long hours, soli-tary walking into nature. It was summer, but now the autumn has come. The weather and the landscape have gone through a complete metamor-phose. I will follow the same route I walked this summer but to admire autumn this time. In last June, on those walks, I was touched by some of the most charming graces. I will leave in about one or two hours, the time needed to peak enough and to let the nausea pass. I think it is of primary importance to take the time to prepare one body’s and mind’s before the communion with God, or Nature (I personally call that Pan), what constitutes for me the psychedelic experience, a religious ritual.
5:20 PM. I just came back from my walk. It didn’t went as I envis-aged it. I took 2C-E while it wasn’t the favourable occasion. Now I have a tiredness on my eyes and doesn’t fell so well. Writing those few lines re-lieve me, I feel better because I am doing something I love. I am having difficulty to find my words, am somewhat confuse, yet calm. I am star-ring at my sheet, sinking in the flow of my thoughts.
. . .
I open the window to let some fresh air in; in the Indian way, I sit on my bed and I meditate. In my opinion, every traveller of the psyche should have this practice. There are many kinds of meditation, but all of them share a fundamental goal: to calm. Personally, I like to meditate at least an hour. I take deep and slow breathe, first inflating my stomach with air and then my lunges, like a vase. I concentrate to slacken my body and my mind. For a good part of it, I sing mantras, some words like will, god, succeed or even just spontaneous syllables, the like of ohm. Certain phonemes alleviate me more than others or make me vibrate of a larger joy. I also add to this expiry where I just let air gently rub on my vocal cords. I never received any teachings as regards to meditation, but know basic yoga, breathing, vocalisation, read a couple of Buddhism phi-losophy books. My teacher is spontaneousness, I do what I feel is good for me.
I developed the majority of my practices during the first of my 2C-E experiences. It was during the summer, I would go meditate in the forest, on a big rock in the middle of a brook. I even went there two times in the middle of the night, to contemplate obscurity, to get rid of my fear of the darkness. It has to be know that last winter, I abused of different drugs and many times did I found myself paranoiac, to a point I would see the Shadow creatures mocking me behind my house, without mentioning the aliens and theirs flying saucers. Even before doing drugs, I was always scared of being alone in the woods. When I took 2C-E, I felt the pressing necessity to go beyond my fears. I had the jitter, but needed to do it or I would have been ashamed. I won’t enter into the details of my previous experiences, but would like to recommend meditation to any psycho-naute who doesn’t already practice it. It’s a simple and accessible way to maximise a psychedelic experience or even to put an end to a bad trip.
I remain in meditation for a good hour. I never open my eyes. In the beginning, I feel agitated, time pass and calm establishes in my mind, my face and my muscles slacken, my thoughts become clearer. It isn’t an ordinary meditation since I took some 2C-E. Ventral breathings withdraw me from nausea and anxiety, but a pleasant excitability keeps growing. Apart from the excitation, I feel a sensation, particular to 2C-E, in the jaws and around the head. In comparison, a similar feeling from his cousin 2C-T-2 is felt more in the area of the stomach and in a euphoric way. On 2C-E, it is either enjoyable in it’s own way, neutral and some-times annoying. It is very similar to the pleasant euphoria, but hard to maintain, that some people can bring in parts of their body by concentra-tion. I prefer the complete euphoria 2C-T-2 gives me to this feverish pleasure. In previous experiments, I could feel it in my phallus, in a sex-ual way. It was after training hard at the gym, I suppose it was the syn-ergy with my brain natural opiates. This feeling is one of the most divine I know. It has nothing to do with 2C-I or 2C-T-2 which are euphoriant rather than transcendent.
I slowly expire my last puff of air while simultaneously opening my eyelids, which take about ten seconds. It’s a good way to verify how much the meeting was profitable. If I only meditate for a short time, my eyelids open faster because am not calmed enough. Before leaving for my walk, I go to the toilet. If one ate quite a bit lately, chances are he will feel like purging himself. I never vomited from 2C-E, never felt much of a body load, but I usually have to defecate.
I finally go outside, bringing along a collation and a bottle of water. I pass by a small path which is just behind my house. The path follows a brook that I hear in a more sound way. I realise my walk won’t be like the ones from this summer. Back then, the first time, I wouldn’t only be hearing the sound of the water running into my ears, I could hear the brook singing. It was like an animal, but none I know, a very crystalline sound. At the time of my first nocturne meditation, it scared me; I was convinced it was a wild animal. At dawm, I went back in the woods to find out that what I had heard was in fact a brook singing. I don’t know if the water and the earth have any conscious will, but being a pantheist, I like to think so. Today, I am only hearing the sounds of the water. I con-sumed quite a bit of 2C-E in the last months and the magic is less, it’s not like before. I am still going to put my walk on paper because I lost the habit to write my experiments down. I only want to mention that this walk doesn’t compare with some I had which are unfortunately only memories now.
It is no longer the autumn with its multicoloured leafs, it’s cold and the sun is hiding behind thick grey clouds. It is the dull and winter part of the autumn. The light isn’t at the rendezvous and this is making a big difference. When nature is shining of sun, my glance ignites and I stare at every flower, river, tree, everything becomes irresistibly beautiful. 2C-E is a drug of contemplation. It doesn’t really make hallucinate, in the sense one sees things that aren’t there. The eyes become more sensitive: colors are more luminous, the various elements of the landscape form sharper contrasts, it increase awareness of the unit and the details. You don’t look, you contemplate. All the other senses are also increased. My glance ends up falling on some rare dead leafs of a fantastic blazing or-ange. I stare at these for a moment, filled with wonder per such beauty. The landscape is dull, the wood and the ground wet, death is reigning over the forest. Farther, as I enter a larger path that follows the littoral of a river, I look up at birches with stripped branches. They appear to me as skeletons and their branches superposed are forming spider webs. These associations come spontaneously in my mind, in agreement with the im-pression nature is making to me during this time of the season.
I advance with fast steps because I feel in a hurry. My heart is beat-ing strongly. I must sometimes stop to take back my breathe and to calm a bad feeling. I have the unpleasant impression of running from reality. The cry of a bird startles me. I think about my problems, of which the one of my abusive drugs consummation. And 2C-E tells me: « You shouldn’t have ». It’s one of the characteristic of that psychedelic, if I don’t resist my desire to take it, in many occasions, I feel bad and I think: « I should have silenced my desire! This trip is an error ». I have sometimes abused 2C-E, but thanks to those less interesting experi-ments, I learned to choose the moment when I take it. 2C-E gives me a certain retreat, allowing me to judge more objectively of my behaviour. It is in my opinion a great quality for a psychedelic. To compare, 2C-T-2 has never made me feel a state of this kind, it is always amusing and euphoric. Shulgin qualified 2C-E of obscure and I think what I felt illus-trates it well.
I can’t go back anymore: I accept the experience and the bad im-pressions. Several view-points mark out my route and I stop there to admire the river, the clouds and the opposite bank. Rather than seeing the water as a falling weight, attached to the ground, I see this phe-nomenon in an opposite point of view. The movements on the surface are suggesting that the water is trying to rise, to free itself from a force keep-ing it prisoner. But is the water falling or trying to rise to the sky? Every-thing is relative: she is falling in both sides. This is rather complex; I don’t know if I am right on that one, but that is how I see this phenome-non. I scan the vacuum between the clouds and the earth, unprofitably trying to see the invisible. Seventy percents of the universe is made of a matter said dark because it can’t be seen and escape to scientific obser-vation. It is to this day one of the greatest mysteries. I wonder if the key isn’t partly hiding into psychedelics. I don’t think it is eccentric to con-sider that this matter could be observable under the influence of an un-specified substance. If there isn’t one that allows it, maybe there will be someday.
The darkness starts to come up more and more. I want to make it to the end of the path; I raise the step, even run. Blown, I stop and decide to turn back to be able to calmly benefit from the last minutes of the day. A bad feeling comes again for a moment and my heart starts beating up to my head. I stop, firm the eyes and meditate upright one or two min-utes. When I open them, it’s like going out of profound meditation.
The darkness has practically covered the sky and the surroundings in its veil when I arrive at the first view-point. I decide to stop there be-fore going back to my home. Far far in the sky, among the clouds, I see sharp pink gleams. I wonder why those gleams are pink and which mechanisms are hiding behind this phenomenon. I am not only admir-ing, I try to understand the wonders of Nature. I quickly conclude that it is the reddish rays of the setting sun mixed with the grey and the white of the clouds that generate the gleams. There’s probably more to it though. I know it is nothing especially hard to seize, but when I am thrown in the contemplative state of 2C-E, I cannot prevent myself from analysing. This is how I understood (or think I did) a crowd of phenome-non during my summer walks, while seeing them in action. I understood how to find the hour using the most primitive clock, the sun. That lead me to the idea that time doesn’t exist, that all that time is in fact move-ment. After a month of sobriety, I thought about the non-existence of time. The past, present, future… they are all the same moment, they are Eternity. I subjectively became aware of this. I could perceive Eternity and the feeling, oh! this feeling of revelation! It was something very pro-found. All in all, 2C-E is a fantastic tool of analysis.
On the other bank of the river and beyond, I see the spectacle of the lights of the city, shining like a constellation of infinite stars. I admire for a long moment while some ideas I thought about this last summer flow their way in my mind. I was in that time frustrated by the society of man. I would oppose it to nature in my reflexions. I found many ways to de-nounce culture and its forests of buildings, defending the idea of the primitive man. And so nature became my refuge. I throw my eyes behind me, towards the worrying darkness and then return to the lights of the city. Nature is appearing so inhospitable right now and the city much more reassuring. I have to admit to myself that none is better and that in the end cities are a part of nature.
I descend my glance towards the river and attentively listen to the murmur of the water. It is said that water talks to the one who knows how to perceive its vibrations. One time, I was smoking marijuana near the brook behind my house and tried to hear the spirit of water. Ap-proaching my ear as close as possible to the surface, frightened, I left the place quickly after I started hearing a voice for real. This time, I am only hearing its alleviating murmur. Marijuana has a tendency to make me paranoiac and anxious, I don’t know if the water really talked to me, but I find the anecdote quite pleasant. An agglomeration of scum is dancing before my eyes; it follows the current, is stretched until a point where it detaches to form two distinct masses. The first follows the current while the second return to it starting point. I see in this movement a lot of grace and life.
After ten minutes, feeling weary, I leave and return by the street. I am back towards 5:15 PM. I write a bit. Writing under the effect of 2C-E gives interesting results, but I personally has trouble to achieve it. I un-ceasingly forget what I wanted to write, ends up remembering, reformu-late ten times my sentences, so that I only write one in ten minutes. The result is excellent, but it is too exhausting for my mind, I can’t hold my-self in place. I once again feel disphoric and regret to have consumed. I had made a promise to myself to take nothing because I was going out with friends later. 2C-E is all except a party drug. I tried it a few times in that context; it makes conversation difficult because it creates amnesia, makes me silent, too much analytical and gives me in addition a sad air. I especially hate to recall to my interlocutor the subject of our discussion. It gives me the impression of being completely stupid.
I decide to lay down on my bed to relax. I put music, .hack//Liminality by Yuki Kajiura. It has been a while since I last heard it and under the influence of 2C-E, it gives me per moment sudden and impetuous movements of entrails. The thought of a girl I am deeply in love with remakes surface. I prepared a love letter for her but haven’t fin-ished it because I want it to be a monument. I feel bad inside at this thought that has been haunting me during many of my voyages on 2C-E. I refuse to abandon, she is the love of my life. If I can’t be her, may I at least offer her a gift that comes from the bottom of my soul. What re-mains of her? I haven’t seen her in the last months and rarely in this year. Aren’t I in fact in love with a imaginary being, a dream?... I close my eyes.
Between twirls and glares of colors without much interest, I succes-sively see two girls, pretty ones, very real and made of sharp colors. They look at me for a few seconds. I do not know these girls, but I could have seen them in a crowd or on television. I am always dreaming of romantic dreams, exchange of profound glances for example. Half the time no sex intervenes; it’s like a love ideal. When I have such dreams, I am happy for the day! I am twenty years old and I haven’t had a girlfriend yet. I miss that atrociously. Those dreams and images of girls have an obvious interpretation: I need someone. I have to act before I become completely nutcase. They are so irresistible, so beautiful; they are already making me crazy.
I soup a little later. I turn in circles and hesitate to go join my friends for the night. I want to smoke some marijuana. An hour of un-bearable dilemma follows until a point where I feel a tiny desire to go see my friends. I leave at once before it’s gone. I didn’t regret my choice. I drunk two beers, didn’t really felt the 2C-E anymore, except for a positive residual effect. I had very interesting conversations with my friends. At about 4:00 AM I went to bed but couldn’t find sleep for an hour or so, because of the 2C-E. The residuals effects prevent me from reaching the deepest layers of sleep. Consequently, I don’t dream. On the other hand, I have very sharp and colored dreams the next nights. One of them is a lucid dream that is so real that I do not distinguish illusion from reality. Those oneiric experiments are for me quite as fantastic as my psychedel-ics experiments.
The next three nights, I can’t seem to fall asleep for about two hours. Often thought, my consciousness goes off for a short but very pleasurable moment. I hear a voice that says things that give me the in-tuition of already-heard. Those voices are often familiar, I heard my mother once. I also begin to see dreams scenes. I remember seeing the basin of a white toilet filled with a dark liquid. I am sure I am actually falling asleep and staying conscious when I start dreaming. That does not stop occurring; I loose patience because each time the hope to deaden is deceived.
I did not go to more than a ++ on the scale of intensity of a psyche-delic trip. It was still interesting, coloured and revealing; I decided to take a break time of a minimum of two weeks to readjust my life. I have prob-lems deep within myself and 2C-E makes me aware of it. It is easy to abuse psychedelics. Under the influence of this drug, I already passed two or three hours during which my thoughts were just anger, but 2C-E made me like it. It is something rather pleasant and thus susceptible to generate an addiction to such substances. In end line however, reality catch up to a point where it is no longer possible to ignore it. Psychedel-ics reveal reality in all its truth, even what one does not want to hear. I am to this point. 2C-E putted me in touch with back material, of which this bad feeling I talked about. I felt normal even if I was altered, I ex-perienced this disphoria because of all the truths to which I was being confronted. After a good period of sobriety, I will be able to continue my experiments, in a more ritual way, not just for a cheap trip.
I wrote a long in details trip report for 2C-E. I want to send it to erowid.org but I would need some reviews before. It was translated from french and I am not sure about some expressions and spelling, etc. If someone could point this out to me, it would really be appreciate. I know no one who could review it for me. Advides would be nice too, like what did you like? what didn't you like? what didn't you understand?, etc. Thanks a lot!
Contemplative Walk of Autumn
2C-E
DOSE : 19 mg oral 2C-E Capsule
Weight : 145 lbs
It is Saturday 2:00 PM. I feel rested and available for a psychedelic experience. I decide to take 19 mg of 2C-E. It’s one of the phenethyl-amines I am the most experienced with. A few months ago, I discovered the joys of the contemplative walk under its influence. Lately I have been using 2C-E a lot, especially to play a video game, the Final Fantasy XII. This was a fantastic experience; it felt like I was on a mystic quest. I came to realise this compound really reveals itself to me when I twin it with meditation or just let myself sink into daydreaming. The first time I did 2C-E, after a break of one month while I heavily practiced meditation, I had life-changing spirituals experiences. I would go for long hours, soli-tary walking into nature. It was summer, but now the autumn has come. The weather and the landscape have gone through a complete metamor-phose. I will follow the same route I walked this summer but to admire autumn this time. In last June, on those walks, I was touched by some of the most charming graces. I will leave in about one or two hours, the time needed to peak enough and to let the nausea pass. I think it is of primary importance to take the time to prepare one body’s and mind’s before the communion with God, or Nature (I personally call that Pan), what constitutes for me the psychedelic experience, a religious ritual.
5:20 PM. I just came back from my walk. It didn’t went as I envis-aged it. I took 2C-E while it wasn’t the favourable occasion. Now I have a tiredness on my eyes and doesn’t fell so well. Writing those few lines re-lieve me, I feel better because I am doing something I love. I am having difficulty to find my words, am somewhat confuse, yet calm. I am star-ring at my sheet, sinking in the flow of my thoughts.
. . .
I open the window to let some fresh air in; in the Indian way, I sit on my bed and I meditate. In my opinion, every traveller of the psyche should have this practice. There are many kinds of meditation, but all of them share a fundamental goal: to calm. Personally, I like to meditate at least an hour. I take deep and slow breathe, first inflating my stomach with air and then my lunges, like a vase. I concentrate to slacken my body and my mind. For a good part of it, I sing mantras, some words like will, god, succeed or even just spontaneous syllables, the like of ohm. Certain phonemes alleviate me more than others or make me vibrate of a larger joy. I also add to this expiry where I just let air gently rub on my vocal cords. I never received any teachings as regards to meditation, but know basic yoga, breathing, vocalisation, read a couple of Buddhism phi-losophy books. My teacher is spontaneousness, I do what I feel is good for me.
I developed the majority of my practices during the first of my 2C-E experiences. It was during the summer, I would go meditate in the forest, on a big rock in the middle of a brook. I even went there two times in the middle of the night, to contemplate obscurity, to get rid of my fear of the darkness. It has to be know that last winter, I abused of different drugs and many times did I found myself paranoiac, to a point I would see the Shadow creatures mocking me behind my house, without mentioning the aliens and theirs flying saucers. Even before doing drugs, I was always scared of being alone in the woods. When I took 2C-E, I felt the pressing necessity to go beyond my fears. I had the jitter, but needed to do it or I would have been ashamed. I won’t enter into the details of my previous experiences, but would like to recommend meditation to any psycho-naute who doesn’t already practice it. It’s a simple and accessible way to maximise a psychedelic experience or even to put an end to a bad trip.
I remain in meditation for a good hour. I never open my eyes. In the beginning, I feel agitated, time pass and calm establishes in my mind, my face and my muscles slacken, my thoughts become clearer. It isn’t an ordinary meditation since I took some 2C-E. Ventral breathings withdraw me from nausea and anxiety, but a pleasant excitability keeps growing. Apart from the excitation, I feel a sensation, particular to 2C-E, in the jaws and around the head. In comparison, a similar feeling from his cousin 2C-T-2 is felt more in the area of the stomach and in a euphoric way. On 2C-E, it is either enjoyable in it’s own way, neutral and some-times annoying. It is very similar to the pleasant euphoria, but hard to maintain, that some people can bring in parts of their body by concentra-tion. I prefer the complete euphoria 2C-T-2 gives me to this feverish pleasure. In previous experiments, I could feel it in my phallus, in a sex-ual way. It was after training hard at the gym, I suppose it was the syn-ergy with my brain natural opiates. This feeling is one of the most divine I know. It has nothing to do with 2C-I or 2C-T-2 which are euphoriant rather than transcendent.
I slowly expire my last puff of air while simultaneously opening my eyelids, which take about ten seconds. It’s a good way to verify how much the meeting was profitable. If I only meditate for a short time, my eyelids open faster because am not calmed enough. Before leaving for my walk, I go to the toilet. If one ate quite a bit lately, chances are he will feel like purging himself. I never vomited from 2C-E, never felt much of a body load, but I usually have to defecate.
I finally go outside, bringing along a collation and a bottle of water. I pass by a small path which is just behind my house. The path follows a brook that I hear in a more sound way. I realise my walk won’t be like the ones from this summer. Back then, the first time, I wouldn’t only be hearing the sound of the water running into my ears, I could hear the brook singing. It was like an animal, but none I know, a very crystalline sound. At the time of my first nocturne meditation, it scared me; I was convinced it was a wild animal. At dawm, I went back in the woods to find out that what I had heard was in fact a brook singing. I don’t know if the water and the earth have any conscious will, but being a pantheist, I like to think so. Today, I am only hearing the sounds of the water. I con-sumed quite a bit of 2C-E in the last months and the magic is less, it’s not like before. I am still going to put my walk on paper because I lost the habit to write my experiments down. I only want to mention that this walk doesn’t compare with some I had which are unfortunately only memories now.
It is no longer the autumn with its multicoloured leafs, it’s cold and the sun is hiding behind thick grey clouds. It is the dull and winter part of the autumn. The light isn’t at the rendezvous and this is making a big difference. When nature is shining of sun, my glance ignites and I stare at every flower, river, tree, everything becomes irresistibly beautiful. 2C-E is a drug of contemplation. It doesn’t really make hallucinate, in the sense one sees things that aren’t there. The eyes become more sensitive: colors are more luminous, the various elements of the landscape form sharper contrasts, it increase awareness of the unit and the details. You don’t look, you contemplate. All the other senses are also increased. My glance ends up falling on some rare dead leafs of a fantastic blazing or-ange. I stare at these for a moment, filled with wonder per such beauty. The landscape is dull, the wood and the ground wet, death is reigning over the forest. Farther, as I enter a larger path that follows the littoral of a river, I look up at birches with stripped branches. They appear to me as skeletons and their branches superposed are forming spider webs. These associations come spontaneously in my mind, in agreement with the im-pression nature is making to me during this time of the season.
I advance with fast steps because I feel in a hurry. My heart is beat-ing strongly. I must sometimes stop to take back my breathe and to calm a bad feeling. I have the unpleasant impression of running from reality. The cry of a bird startles me. I think about my problems, of which the one of my abusive drugs consummation. And 2C-E tells me: « You shouldn’t have ». It’s one of the characteristic of that psychedelic, if I don’t resist my desire to take it, in many occasions, I feel bad and I think: « I should have silenced my desire! This trip is an error ». I have sometimes abused 2C-E, but thanks to those less interesting experi-ments, I learned to choose the moment when I take it. 2C-E gives me a certain retreat, allowing me to judge more objectively of my behaviour. It is in my opinion a great quality for a psychedelic. To compare, 2C-T-2 has never made me feel a state of this kind, it is always amusing and euphoric. Shulgin qualified 2C-E of obscure and I think what I felt illus-trates it well.
I can’t go back anymore: I accept the experience and the bad im-pressions. Several view-points mark out my route and I stop there to admire the river, the clouds and the opposite bank. Rather than seeing the water as a falling weight, attached to the ground, I see this phe-nomenon in an opposite point of view. The movements on the surface are suggesting that the water is trying to rise, to free itself from a force keep-ing it prisoner. But is the water falling or trying to rise to the sky? Every-thing is relative: she is falling in both sides. This is rather complex; I don’t know if I am right on that one, but that is how I see this phenome-non. I scan the vacuum between the clouds and the earth, unprofitably trying to see the invisible. Seventy percents of the universe is made of a matter said dark because it can’t be seen and escape to scientific obser-vation. It is to this day one of the greatest mysteries. I wonder if the key isn’t partly hiding into psychedelics. I don’t think it is eccentric to con-sider that this matter could be observable under the influence of an un-specified substance. If there isn’t one that allows it, maybe there will be someday.
The darkness starts to come up more and more. I want to make it to the end of the path; I raise the step, even run. Blown, I stop and decide to turn back to be able to calmly benefit from the last minutes of the day. A bad feeling comes again for a moment and my heart starts beating up to my head. I stop, firm the eyes and meditate upright one or two min-utes. When I open them, it’s like going out of profound meditation.
The darkness has practically covered the sky and the surroundings in its veil when I arrive at the first view-point. I decide to stop there be-fore going back to my home. Far far in the sky, among the clouds, I see sharp pink gleams. I wonder why those gleams are pink and which mechanisms are hiding behind this phenomenon. I am not only admir-ing, I try to understand the wonders of Nature. I quickly conclude that it is the reddish rays of the setting sun mixed with the grey and the white of the clouds that generate the gleams. There’s probably more to it though. I know it is nothing especially hard to seize, but when I am thrown in the contemplative state of 2C-E, I cannot prevent myself from analysing. This is how I understood (or think I did) a crowd of phenome-non during my summer walks, while seeing them in action. I understood how to find the hour using the most primitive clock, the sun. That lead me to the idea that time doesn’t exist, that all that time is in fact move-ment. After a month of sobriety, I thought about the non-existence of time. The past, present, future… they are all the same moment, they are Eternity. I subjectively became aware of this. I could perceive Eternity and the feeling, oh! this feeling of revelation! It was something very pro-found. All in all, 2C-E is a fantastic tool of analysis.
On the other bank of the river and beyond, I see the spectacle of the lights of the city, shining like a constellation of infinite stars. I admire for a long moment while some ideas I thought about this last summer flow their way in my mind. I was in that time frustrated by the society of man. I would oppose it to nature in my reflexions. I found many ways to de-nounce culture and its forests of buildings, defending the idea of the primitive man. And so nature became my refuge. I throw my eyes behind me, towards the worrying darkness and then return to the lights of the city. Nature is appearing so inhospitable right now and the city much more reassuring. I have to admit to myself that none is better and that in the end cities are a part of nature.
I descend my glance towards the river and attentively listen to the murmur of the water. It is said that water talks to the one who knows how to perceive its vibrations. One time, I was smoking marijuana near the brook behind my house and tried to hear the spirit of water. Ap-proaching my ear as close as possible to the surface, frightened, I left the place quickly after I started hearing a voice for real. This time, I am only hearing its alleviating murmur. Marijuana has a tendency to make me paranoiac and anxious, I don’t know if the water really talked to me, but I find the anecdote quite pleasant. An agglomeration of scum is dancing before my eyes; it follows the current, is stretched until a point where it detaches to form two distinct masses. The first follows the current while the second return to it starting point. I see in this movement a lot of grace and life.
After ten minutes, feeling weary, I leave and return by the street. I am back towards 5:15 PM. I write a bit. Writing under the effect of 2C-E gives interesting results, but I personally has trouble to achieve it. I un-ceasingly forget what I wanted to write, ends up remembering, reformu-late ten times my sentences, so that I only write one in ten minutes. The result is excellent, but it is too exhausting for my mind, I can’t hold my-self in place. I once again feel disphoric and regret to have consumed. I had made a promise to myself to take nothing because I was going out with friends later. 2C-E is all except a party drug. I tried it a few times in that context; it makes conversation difficult because it creates amnesia, makes me silent, too much analytical and gives me in addition a sad air. I especially hate to recall to my interlocutor the subject of our discussion. It gives me the impression of being completely stupid.
I decide to lay down on my bed to relax. I put music, .hack//Liminality by Yuki Kajiura. It has been a while since I last heard it and under the influence of 2C-E, it gives me per moment sudden and impetuous movements of entrails. The thought of a girl I am deeply in love with remakes surface. I prepared a love letter for her but haven’t fin-ished it because I want it to be a monument. I feel bad inside at this thought that has been haunting me during many of my voyages on 2C-E. I refuse to abandon, she is the love of my life. If I can’t be her, may I at least offer her a gift that comes from the bottom of my soul. What re-mains of her? I haven’t seen her in the last months and rarely in this year. Aren’t I in fact in love with a imaginary being, a dream?... I close my eyes.
Between twirls and glares of colors without much interest, I succes-sively see two girls, pretty ones, very real and made of sharp colors. They look at me for a few seconds. I do not know these girls, but I could have seen them in a crowd or on television. I am always dreaming of romantic dreams, exchange of profound glances for example. Half the time no sex intervenes; it’s like a love ideal. When I have such dreams, I am happy for the day! I am twenty years old and I haven’t had a girlfriend yet. I miss that atrociously. Those dreams and images of girls have an obvious interpretation: I need someone. I have to act before I become completely nutcase. They are so irresistible, so beautiful; they are already making me crazy.
I soup a little later. I turn in circles and hesitate to go join my friends for the night. I want to smoke some marijuana. An hour of un-bearable dilemma follows until a point where I feel a tiny desire to go see my friends. I leave at once before it’s gone. I didn’t regret my choice. I drunk two beers, didn’t really felt the 2C-E anymore, except for a positive residual effect. I had very interesting conversations with my friends. At about 4:00 AM I went to bed but couldn’t find sleep for an hour or so, because of the 2C-E. The residuals effects prevent me from reaching the deepest layers of sleep. Consequently, I don’t dream. On the other hand, I have very sharp and colored dreams the next nights. One of them is a lucid dream that is so real that I do not distinguish illusion from reality. Those oneiric experiments are for me quite as fantastic as my psychedel-ics experiments.
The next three nights, I can’t seem to fall asleep for about two hours. Often thought, my consciousness goes off for a short but very pleasurable moment. I hear a voice that says things that give me the in-tuition of already-heard. Those voices are often familiar, I heard my mother once. I also begin to see dreams scenes. I remember seeing the basin of a white toilet filled with a dark liquid. I am sure I am actually falling asleep and staying conscious when I start dreaming. That does not stop occurring; I loose patience because each time the hope to deaden is deceived.
I did not go to more than a ++ on the scale of intensity of a psyche-delic trip. It was still interesting, coloured and revealing; I decided to take a break time of a minimum of two weeks to readjust my life. I have prob-lems deep within myself and 2C-E makes me aware of it. It is easy to abuse psychedelics. Under the influence of this drug, I already passed two or three hours during which my thoughts were just anger, but 2C-E made me like it. It is something rather pleasant and thus susceptible to generate an addiction to such substances. In end line however, reality catch up to a point where it is no longer possible to ignore it. Psychedel-ics reveal reality in all its truth, even what one does not want to hear. I am to this point. 2C-E putted me in touch with back material, of which this bad feeling I talked about. I felt normal even if I was altered, I ex-perienced this disphoria because of all the truths to which I was being confronted. After a good period of sobriety, I will be able to continue my experiments, in a more ritual way, not just for a cheap trip.
