Consistently feeling paranoid / watched ???

[theartofwar]

I don't know exactly when ~ 2 weeks ago I began noticing myself catching myself constantly looking in reflections / hearing weird noises if environment was quiet enough. Honestly the easiest way to describe the way I found myself acting is for anyone whose done any upper for long enough, you know when the euphoria stops and the paranoia begins?? That's really how it has been for me, but I don't even drink coffee. I keep seeing little flashes out of the corner of my eye where their is potential for someone to be seen in a reflection (mirrors / windows mainly ) and I jump up to see whose there... to find no1. Well I did this for a few times, then (unlike being spun lol) I got tired and accepted that I can't control these paranoid delusions and that they would go away. Skip ahead to tonight, im still havig the exact same problems only now I even am buggin out driving ... I look in my rear view constantly and feel like I'm being followed / about to get pulled over. I really do not understand what's going on. I will say that I've been having a meltdown of emotional shit goin on in my life, and my panic disorder has been out of control. Anxiety attacks leading to fainting have happened twice in the last week. These used to happen one to three times a year.
Is there any particular label for this type of paranoia / seeing things that are not there (only in reflections for partial second)?? I'm going to bring it up w my psychiatrist next visit so I'm curious if anyone else has these symptoms (w out using meth or coke pls lol).

 

[Captain.Heroin]

It's probably hypervigilence connected to PTSD.

 

[theartofwar]

I'm concerned that it's just going to get worse. My PTSD basically has gotten worse and worse as I've gone into more and more treatment options. At this point I am not sure what to do, I feel like I am devolving rapidly.

 

[RedLeader]

Man, I think you'd do a lot better if you got out of Boston. I know, I know...not that simple. But have you thought about this? It seems like pretty much all of the rational reasons you'd have to look over your shoulder are in that area, and the other stuff (like CH mentioned) you can work on with a trained professional elsewhere.

When I construct my RL Peace & Love Commune down the road (all TDSers are welcome!) in a far away land, you're definitely going to be there as my testosterone-dripping monster of a bodyguard.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I'm concerned that it's just going to get worse. My PTSD basically has gotten worse and worse as I've gone into more and more treatment options. At this point I am not sure what to do, I feel like I am devolving rapidly.

I think for people like us with PTSD, the fear of it only getting worse is the most frightening of all.

I think that it's important for you to allow yourself an understandable amount of leniency. I don't think you or I could have lived through what we have, and not have anxiety persist through to our every day lives.

While I'm sure you don't want to talk about it to any loved ones or to us here online, admit to yourself in your head what has contributed to you feeling this way - and accept that it is an understandable coping mechanism for people like us.

The mind will protect itself in elaborate ways that we may not even yet fully understand.

It could be helpful to keep a log/journal of seriously disturbing events, so that you can go over the content, the duration, your actions leading up to the event and afterwards - and eventually you might begin to sense patterns where these events are being triggered. Your mind can be triggered by something without consciously realizing it. Using a log can help you gain sense of what is triggering you to experience these unpleasant sensations/perceptions, and eventually, may help you to better prepare for them in the future.

If we know why we feel a certain way, we can attribute it to a reality, and this allows us to not fear this emotion or question it, no matter how unpleasant it is. If we don't know why we feel a certain way, it can be extremely frightening. Having panic/anxiety attacks without knowing why you are going through it, is utterly terrifying.

Another point I wanted to bring up, is to give yourself generous credit for still being alive and for being a good person on a spiritual level. Often, people like us will not give ourselves enough credit where credit is due.

Last but not least, meditation may help to arrive to a partial understanding as to why you are going through this, even if you don't fully understand it.