Consistency, development and progress

[S.greenmann]

Before using meth, I was social, out going, quirky and quick witted. Now, 5 years later, when at work (high) I can not interact! I struggle big time! anyone say "awkward.com.au/junkythisbitch" ..

However, genuinely I get alone with ppl from the get go. Although, I don't have many friends, using acquaintance I'm beating away daily, friends happen so rapidly,quickly and easily on meth obviously no true depth beneath the common dinominator. Anywho, I've always struggled with fitting in and becoming a part of a community or circle.

I'm wondering how do I become a part of the Bluelight community? Perhaps I should stop with the random erratic, ice induced posts ?which you may have seen scattered around.

I don't have any recovering friends or ppl who understand the struggle of addiction other then who I use with, which has become this awkward rotating door of me proclaiming my 'oh so sophisticated insight into addiction' to then contradict myself with my behaviour.

Throughout the last 5months while in relapse, I've sort out NA, purely to find a a healthy support network. can't establish these relationship, let's be honest - I got out what I put in.

While im here, I might as well mention; I can't get clean this time, struggling more then ever. 'Part of the journey' 'it too will pass' ' have hope' 'have faith' ... Every time I've gotten clean lve utilised my well taught black and white thinking coping tool, so how do I get sober without doing everything 'perfect', 2 realities have never co-existed.

Ok, enough, shut up now.

 

[Moreaux]

Hey S.greenmann -

I don't have any recovering friends or ppl who understand the struggle of addiction other then who I use with, which has become this awkward rotating door of me proclaiming my 'oh so sophisticated insight into addiction' to then contradict myself with my behaviour.

Addiction is by nature a contradiction. We are all self interested beings who want to maximize the best possible outcome in life and yet we use substance to our very detriment and demise.

As for becoming a part of the blue light community, or any community for that matter all you have to do is participate. The more you respond to other's posts and reach out the more integrated into the community you become.

I am very socially ackward and have always felt like an outsider, which was a big part of my using. If I want to stay clean I had to make changes in my life. With respect to group membership I have started participating in activities. I have always been envious of people who were popular in groups, and I think I've found out why those people are popular - they participate.

A year ago my husband suggested we take ballroom dance lessons as a means to have something to do in the evenings that didn't center around substance. We started the lessons. Nobody knew us, and I started feeling alienated. We decided to go to more events, and now a year later I feel like we fit in. We go to all the socials, have met all the people, and hell, we even have a few pictures of us up at the studio - all because we participated and made an effort to be a part of the group.

Same thing with my community. We moved to our present location three years ago. I didn't want it to be the same situation as my last community where everyone gossiped about me and I was known as the junky. I made a point to participate. Yes, some people here gossip about me because unfortunately, I was still using when we moved here and had a few incidents, but most don't. I play poker on Thursdays at the clubhouse, golf on the weekends, and even got voted the community watch leader - because I am knowledgable with law enforcement (haha, guess they don't realize where the knowledge came from).

I don't go to a lot of meetings, but I still wanted to be active in the recovery community which is why I joined bluelight. I've found that I have quickly made friends on this site, and feel a sense of commraderie from responding to other people's posts. It's important to me to have people I can relate to, and I don't have that where I live with respect to addiction and mental health. There are some amazing people on this site. If you want to join in, just participate

 

[neversickanymore]

You will need to figure out who you are again. Learn to accept, love and believe in yourself. Then you will lose almost all your social anxiety and awkwardness.