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considering a friend. (or) US FOUR.

iLoveYouWithaKnife

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 30, 2002
Messages
8,351
*this is truly dedicated to someone I grew to know.
It's long overdue... *


As we get older,
it gets harder and harder
to find people we can really call
'friends'.
We end up watching,
all the people we love
we used to consider so,
change their lives and disappear.
Everything becomes less important.
And sometimes,
Our friends become selffish.
They go.
They do what they need to do,
and change into someone
that betters them...
or into that terrible person
that was always inside,
but only now can let show.
Either way....
Everyday
we become more isolated.
More alone.

I got a message today,
that made me
in the end,
cry.

I pictured myself,
in a far off distant world...
where none of the past took place.
There was us.....
the four of US.

Where WE would be,
cleaning and light candles
Waiting patiently for OUR men,
to come home to us...
And without a thought in your mind-
That I was going to steal your boy.

And I can't even begin to tell you,
how it makes ME feel
to think of the fact that your boy
fell in love with your best friend at the time,
who dated MY boy at the time.
And how SHE let it all happen.
How do friends do that?
The answer is beyond me.

I don't know how bad it would hurt-
to let it all go... to say
"I forgive him in some ways- at least he really loved her"
And it takes alot of a person......
and you found it in yourself,
no matter how much it all disrespected you,
in the end..... to say
"He loves her... how could I hold that against him"
It shows what kind of person you are!
It really does.
And maybe, just maybe,
you don't hear it enough.

But something in my mind
I dont know what
keeps making me resort back to this
and all of the actions that have taken place.
I can't get it out of my brain.

How could friends do that?
How could you do that do someone you love, even?
But you know what,
SHE did it again......
to the person she loved.....
who was the person YOU loved......
it's all the same.
And she's still the same uncaring,
unloving bitch.
Who just doesn't give a fuck.

Friends don't do that-
Friends don't make friends end!
But we all know what kind of friend she is-
and what kind of girlfriend-
we ALL know how she is,
and we all have something in common now,
all FOUR of us-
we wish she never would exsist!

And for now-
she's disappeared without a trace
and I know that you and I don't care.

But what about our boys?
Mine calls her a cunt
right along with me.
Do you blame him?
He threw it in J*****'s face-
the patterned routine (what she just did to him)
and HE even apologized.
Maybe he didn't realize
WHO he was hurting.
We know she didn't.........
It's all hurting US Still.
You, him, him, but now me,
cause sometimes it just doesn't rest.
But she's gone without a trace....
leaving everyone restless.

And maybe it could have all been better.
If I knew you before, even.
It could have been US FOUR.
We'd wait patiently for our men
while WE cleaned and lit candles,
and me and him,
we'd still listen to The Cure,
but HE wouldn't think of the end.....
And you and your's......
you'd still go to the club,
and he'd see you in that tube top,
the white or black one,
the opposite of your skirt,
that i've read too many times about.

And I think again,
how good it may have all been.
That they (j***** and r***) would have each other,
and you at least have a real friend
who wouldn't stab you in the back in the end.
And eventually when it all would come to a close,
like all wonderful things do.......
we'd at least have some terrific memories,
of less broken hearts.
 
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thanks.

wow... you DO know me better than i thought. right down to the white tube top/black skirt night, and the cleaning/lighting candles.

i just keep thinking, everything happens for a reason. becuase so many people beat that into my head, thinking for a moment that i could justify everything shitty in my past. so now, i kind of believe it. and if we went back... maybe things WOULD have been better. maybe they wouldn't.

but if none of that would have happened to us, Jen, then you and i wouldnt be the people we are today. i'm happy that the bad things that happened in my past, made me change the person i am today, for the better. i met a person i truly love, who treats me with respect, and i am not the same frail, naive person i was 4 years ago. if i owe anything to the guy who broke my heart, i owe him that.

thank you, so much, for this. it really meant a lot to me =D
 
I've read about that outfit so many times, I can't even count.
And the cleaning and the candles......
Re-read this.

It will all make sense.

And yes, I know that the past makes us who we are today.
But sometimes, just sometimes, you wish it never happened.
You wish it could have been so much easier.
You wish you could dismiss things without hesitation.
And sometimes it's hard.
Sometimes you have to pretend.
I was just pretending when I wrote this,
of maybe how things could have turned out.

(it's that damn writer's block, ya know..... lol, and sometimes you just have to act on impluse when you get it.)

=D


Ya know what's even funnier...... I just re-read that post in the above link, for the first time again since you wrote it.
How similiar it all was. Everything I had made reference to stuck out inside of my mind that whole time.......
And it's even more coincedenatial perhaps you even made reference to cat-and-mouse games.

It's funny...
what one person can remember.
And yet again,
what one person can forget.
 
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