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Connection !

Ozekat

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 13, 2009
Messages
283
Location
Kentucky
:)


When the flames converge
when the ice melts
when all things meet in the middle
when the middle splits itself into two
then fuses back together

when summer turns into snow
when the plants sink into the warm ground
all things feed off one another
when the fire of the soul consumes the lesser traits
burning off one by one, like a trail of light

when people look at each other on an eye-illuminated level of equality
when the crickets of july chirp
when the songbirds sing bright
when the sages and tyrants become lit-up in the midst of the Night

when the animals can know peace
sleep soundly
when we burn away our imagined diseases
when we can accept one another as individuals

When the waves show light in the shift
reflections brilliantly scatter
The Yellow Flash appears
Lighting fast
when the hair falls gently down ,
letting it all go for the win
when kids grow up, and the other Kids grow up!
mistakes are forgiven
when the time is right

When the flames converge into one perfect arc, Ice shatters the sky into a musical symphony
when color is brilliant and decorated
when books are read wisely and gratefully
When the bands get done playing
all the junkies and druggies go home for the night
the lights of the city meander on the eyes
also reflected......
the ambience of life
summer time cascading rhythm

The lapping of the waters at the Bay smooth out the wrinkles in a youth's brow
Birds will always fly
skimming over the dazzling color-array of the sun in Oceans of July. Sparkling like eternity
in the dark core of the human eye
When the old unite with the young
and give them hope
when the young aid the old
and give them reason to be
Time waits for no slave of habit or hesitation
Nor will it wait for me.

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Please let me know what you think! I haven't done any writing in months.
 
I really like it. Particularly the first five stanzas. Six and seven have some good lines, but they're not in sync with the bulk of the poem. It seems to shift, tonally and rhythmically towards the end. I prefer it without the last two stanzas, aesthetically, although cutting them may compromise your intentions with the piece.
 
Yeah, I purposefully did that to throw it off, going for a curveball effect. Also you should know (and everyone else I suppose) that I do tend to write chaotically, the fact that there are even stanzas and things are in "sync" at all like you say is pretty much a complete coincidence, I strive to freeflow writings and its just kind of my trademark.

Still, thank you for the feedback it means a lot. ^ ^
 
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