Alright, just wanted to blog because I'm newly sober off the old ethanol. Went pretty hard for about a month, which started with the end of a long(6 year) relationship, which I pretty much initiated, but then the situation I was left in made me feel the need to get far from sober. That was empty house, lonely,fearful,etc. Anyway, I was then forced to move back with family as I really had nowhere else to go.
So I kept on drinking even though I was not really supposed to where I was now living. After awhile my drunken and lonely state led me to relenting to my exes pleas to stay with her. (Background:she's 34 I'm 26 she has a daughter, 9 years old, who has called me dad since I first got with her mom, when she was only 3 years going on 4, and we have a younger daughter together, shes 5.) I am now very conflicted as to what to do. We are still living apart, but she now thinks I wanna make it work.
I am so conflicted because I love her and our family, but I dont know if I want to be with her still.(More background:We were engaged to be married this June. We lived with each other for most of the 6 and 1/2 years except for two different times wben I moved out, mostly due to my alcohol abuse getting out of hand.) She has always been there for me so I feel kinda like I owe her. In the process of the breakup I told her I have only been with her for the kids for the last couple years, which wasn't entirely untrue, but I do love her. Im so conflicted because on the one hand I love her and our family, but on the other I don't think shes my "soul mate" or whatever you wanna call it and may never be fully happy with her.
I also have no job, no license, and am back at my parents feeling lost with no direction, and missing her and the kids. Im trying to get a job and my license back, also I am about to get my felony off my record, so things should get better soon. But yeah, very happy to be off the alcohol, my brain was turning to mush, and physically I was getting pretty shit. Coming off it was shit, I had to do a taper, it was just too much for me, the anxiety,insomnia and all that. So yeah, I guess I just need to look at the positive things and do some soul searching. Peace-RDP89
So I kept on drinking even though I was not really supposed to where I was now living. After awhile my drunken and lonely state led me to relenting to my exes pleas to stay with her. (Background:she's 34 I'm 26 she has a daughter, 9 years old, who has called me dad since I first got with her mom, when she was only 3 years going on 4, and we have a younger daughter together, shes 5.) I am now very conflicted as to what to do. We are still living apart, but she now thinks I wanna make it work.
I am so conflicted because I love her and our family, but I dont know if I want to be with her still.(More background:We were engaged to be married this June. We lived with each other for most of the 6 and 1/2 years except for two different times wben I moved out, mostly due to my alcohol abuse getting out of hand.) She has always been there for me so I feel kinda like I owe her. In the process of the breakup I told her I have only been with her for the kids for the last couple years, which wasn't entirely untrue, but I do love her. Im so conflicted because on the one hand I love her and our family, but on the other I don't think shes my "soul mate" or whatever you wanna call it and may never be fully happy with her.
I also have no job, no license, and am back at my parents feeling lost with no direction, and missing her and the kids. Im trying to get a job and my license back, also I am about to get my felony off my record, so things should get better soon. But yeah, very happy to be off the alcohol, my brain was turning to mush, and physically I was getting pretty shit. Coming off it was shit, I had to do a taper, it was just too much for me, the anxiety,insomnia and all that. So yeah, I guess I just need to look at the positive things and do some soul searching. Peace-RDP89