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Confused about how this date went..

V

Vaportrails

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 29, 2008
Messages
100
Hi SLR, hoping you might be able to help me out a bit with this one.

So basically I went out with this exchange student (1st gen. Chinese, bit of a language barrier) the other night. It was a casual thing, we did some charity work together and I was going to drop her off and instead we made last-minute plans. I'm 29, she is 24. We're both college students.

So anyways, we get done our work and she's open to ideas, so I take her out to this cozy little pub I know of with an indie vibe and lots of good beer on tap. I know, I know, booze on the first date is not normally the way to go, but it helps me loosen up and get chatty. Without lubrication I have a hard time keeping up the idle chit chat. The idea of a movie was brought up, but she seemed more comfortable with the pub.

So anyways, I order us a couple of ciders and she confides in me that she used to drink quite a lot but has since stopped. I asked if she would like to abstain, but she said it was fine. For the next hour we're laughing and chatting and over the course of that time we proceed to have two ciders each. About half way through the second one, her face got all flushed and her eyes got really glassy and she just started giggling into her glass and the conversation sort of lapsed. By that time the band came on and I was happy just watching the act and sipping my drink, and she seemed like she was in a half daze. She said she was done drinking but kept talking about booze, so I (stupidly) ordered us a couple of beers, thinking she was just putting up token resistance. After all, she did seem to be having a good time despite looking glassy after two pints. Anyways, she declined the third beer, so I proceeded to drink both, feeling a bit stupid but not wanting to let good beer go to waste.

At this point she starts telling me how bad she feels because she's feeling drunk and she's not talkative and she freaks out a little, saying that I should not get a bad impression about her and she seemed really concerned I was getting a very bad impression. I did my best to assure her that I'm happy just chilling and I'm totally cool to not have to constantly yell over the music.

Anyways, I finish my beers and we walk back to my car. She's concerned about me driving but 4 drinks in a couple of hours is really nothing to me and I was confident in my driving. I take her home and we seem to end the night on a high note. We hugged (no kissing) and she got out of the car.

As soon as I pull out she texts me to make sure I got home OK. I text her back once I get home, and she again expresses regret about how she acted and asks that I see tonight as "entertainment or an experiment". I took this as a good sign. She wishes me "sweet dreams" and we both go to bed.

Fast-forward to the next day. I texted her to make sure she was feeling OK. She seemed in really good spirits but was out shopping. She never got back to me. The day after (today) and I waited until 10pm and shot her a casual text about studying for exams. She got back right away and was again pleasant, but the texting sort of just lapsed so I just stopped the small talk and went back to studying.

So here I am wondering if she's suddenly not interested. She seemed to let her guard down big time when we went out, but now shields are up 100% and I can't get anything out of her. It's really the strangest thing because I got some pretty positive vibes when we went out and now she seems to have gone luke warm on me. I assured her while we were out that next time I'd take her out hiking when the weather is nice. She seemed into it but now I'm wondering whether I should wait for an unsolicited text or Facebook before asking her out again. I don't want to seem pushy.

I know it's tough to tell really, but can anyone give some insight about what might be going wrong here, if anything? Maybe she's just really self-conscious and she's waiting for me to make a concrete move. Maybe she's really not interested and the booze made it seem like she was.

One last thing. While we were out she asked me if I was single. I told her that "it's complicated" and sort of left it at that. Later she asked me the difference between "dating and seeing someone" but didn't really emphasize why she wanted to know, just talked a bit about cultural differences in China. So maybe she wants me to be completely unattached.
 
Dude, she's obviously interested since she went out with you and was asking about your relationship status.

Big mistake to wait for an unsolicited text or facebook, lol.

Just ask her out in no uncertain terms again, and if she still seems wishy washy then forget about her.

Don't worry what she's thinking, only concern yourself with what you want. If she doesn't want the same then move to the next one.
 
You may be overthinking and feelings this. Just relax and let her set a pace that is comfortable for her.

I feel you on the mixed signals, although you just may be interpretting her actions incorrectly. As far as texting goes, some people just aren't hanging their mobile device from their hip 24/7.

I think it went well. Ask her out again. What do you have to lose?

:)
 
she sounds very interested. the proof is in her expression of her concern for her appearance (while drunk) to you.

let the woman study. dont txt her anymore, just back off and sheel come around. forcing her to acknowledge you will push her away.
 
OK she sounds really interested. But back off the texting and calling a bit - it's obvious you're interested too (probably anyways), so just let time show you how things really are.

When you SEE her next, invite her out again, and DON'T drink so much, have one soft one alcoholic. Jeez. 4 drinks over a first date is too much dude.
 
Hey guys, quick update. Aside from a text a couple days ago, I left it for two days to cool off. She didn't text me once during this time so I was thinking she wasn't interested.

Just to clarify, her exams are done. Mine aren't. We don't have any classes together so we would never see each other outside of something arranged.

So anyways, tonight I finally got sick of waiting and texted her to ask her out Saturday. She said 'sure' immediately, but when I told her I wanted to catch a movie at 10pm after my last exam, she said that was too late and asked to postpone to Sunday or Monday. She didn't say why it was too late and I didn't ask, but I'm a bit concerned about this since she's 24-years-old and it's the weekend. She is an exchange student who lives with a family, so I'm not sure if she has a curfew or something? I don't see why she can't stay out late with me but whatever.. So we have plans for Monday to take a walk along some trails in the afternoon then catch an early evening movie.

Overall I can't help but say I'm a bit worried at the slow pace of this thing. I can't tell if she is inexperienced and shy or just bored and passing the time with me.

She didn't continue the conversation. She doesn't really seem like the chatty type to talk for the sake of talking, which is strange to me. In the past when a girl liked me, she felt compelled to natter my ear off about all sorts of inane crap 24hrs a day. So either this girl is luke warm and doesn't feel like putting the effort in to overcome the language barrier, or she's just not much of a talker.

My hope is to initiate something intimate next time we're together and see where it goes.

As for alcohol, I'm not a moderate drinker. I don't have to drink, but if I start, then I get a bit fiendish and tend to have 8 drinks or more. Four is nothing, barely a buzz. I'm also not an idiot when I drink. I'm happy just staying away from alcohol altogether when we are together.
 
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you're thinking too much there again - she is being SENSIBLE - she has things to do, hsn't finished her studies so 10pm showing is too late. call her on the weekend to go out and enjoy the sun together somewhere secluded and beautiful.
 
Yeah dude stop over thinking this bro. Just relax man. Honestly her being quiet is probably the language barrier. She is probably just a little shy. The more you over think this the more of a "weird" vibe you are gonna put off. Just relax and let things run there course.

For the record I think she is interested.

*Hint. Since she is a Chinese girl. Try learning a phrase or two in Mandarin. Go look up some pingyin. Just go to google and type in some very basic phrases in English and then type in pingyin. It will usually come up.

A great way to possibly break the tension would be to say Nǐ hěn piào liang which means "You are very pretty/beautiful" And don't worry about how you say it (I know it sounds corny but trust me it will impress her). As long it sounds right enough she will be impressed. Hell if you say it terribly she'll correct you and then you guys will have something to talk about lol.
 
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I'm her age, and to be honest, a 10pm showing of a movie is too late for me, I like my sleep. Plus, it's not like she completely blew you off, she still agreed to go on a date with you, just at a better time.

Some people just aren't chatty in text messages, and prefer phone calls, I know that is definitely true when it comes to my partner. It seems like she is really into you face to face.
 
Thanks all. Yeah, she seemed really enthusiastic to go out and happy about the whole thing. Just in the back of my mind I can't help wondering if I hadn't bothered whether she could just take it or leave it.

Growing up, I participated in the typical Western tradition of serial dating and I remember being lip-locked with girls on the couch for hours, mere days after meeting them. Invariably, the relationship would fizzle out over time, but we usually had a blast and sometimes things got serious. I guess I'm used to all my relationships starting out at a fevered pitch. This one seems like we're limping out the starting gate.

Either way, I also think she's interested. This is just not the type of thing I'm used to with relationships. It's missing some of the unbridled sexual attraction and all-night phone convos that were typical of my younger years.
 
^ yeah it's real. Phones texts and emails are for juveniles. Letters and emails can be romantic sometimes. as can texts occasionally. BUT technology just seperates you too - in all ways.

Much better to miss each other and then be seriously happy when you actually see each other - keeps things fresh.
 
how large would you say this language barrier is? imo it would explain her not chatting your ear off, speaking another language is difficult and im sure the last thing she wants to do is butcher it for a native speaker.
 
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