Conflicting Feelings

So, for eight years I have lived away from my parents.
Eight years.
Growing up my father wasn't around more than he was.
My mother said today, that they are moving up here.
They will be moving.up.here.

On the one hand, this makes me happy- I will be near my parents, get to spend time with them........
On the other hand, I am scared- My parents and I are very different and have had MANY MANY issues.
Last time I was in therapy I told my therapist I was worried I'd be asked to go visit for Christmas and wasnt sure if I could do it (emotionally)-
NOW they're gonna be LIVING HERE!
I'm trying to be positive- especially since my husband is VERY VERY negative about it. Its making me even more worried, even more scared and even more depressed about it............
I just don't know what to think.
Miles made things easier.

 

sounds like a tough situation but do you have a say in the matter? Do you think they will intrude on the life you and PIP have created or give you plenty of space? How close will they be moving to you?

(I know... I have a ton of questions!... sorry!)

 

No, I do not have a say.
I think they will keep their distance but they will be living here so I will see them, at least weekly.
They will live anywhere from 5-20 mins away.

Problem is PiP is not happy about it- and Pip's mother will likely not be so happy. PiP is worried about his mother being upset about it......
And he says "I am worried about my wife's well being and mental health. I am being realistic here." When I said I want to think positively about it.........

 

Ive learned to be selective about what I tell my parents cause they just wont understand or accept some of the things about me.
My Mother is a snob, they are both ULTRA conservative. My Mother has my best interests at heart but from a limited perspective. And in recent yrs they accept that I need my space because they know if they dont I wont take it. However my Mother has had Dysthemia for most of her life and she has Aged so quickly-it scares me!
[Edit]I moved away for the reason that, I need my privacy and dont want her projecting the way she wants me to live on to me.
I dont know your Story with them Ocean but I would make sure YOU are the one to set your boundries for yourself first hun. After that your husband can support you; understandably he loves you and is worried(but he has to deal with that himself first). Really think that you should look after your own interests primarily and balance what feels right for you in your heart with what boundries you need to maintain; to preserve your sense of security. Do they tend to dismiss your needs alot?

 

Hmmmmmm, sort of.
It is a very complicated situation- as most parent/child relationships are.
I will have to figure out the boundaries when they move up here-
I'm working on boundaries with my therapist now actually.........
Thanks for your input.

 

That sounds like an extremely stressful situation. Just as parents have the right to cut off their children, I believe that it in an equitable society, it goes both ways. Children have the right to cut off or divorce their parents if they need to. You sound like you don't want to go that far, but you definitely have a right to set some limits. You must have lived away from them for 8 years for a good reason. You might benefit from establishing some strict boundaries.

 

^^Good luck with it, you cant control it all, so mind yourself!

 

Well, I lived away from them b/c I chose to move to Washington State and stay here while they moved around.
They left my brother with me when he was 18 and I was 21 in Tx -and they moved to California.......
It wasn't that we lived apart for any reason really- just that I chose where I wanted to be and they weren't there.......
You guys are actually all saying things my therapist has said- She actually suggested a long time ago that I cut off or back contact from my parents but that was difficult b/c my mother is kind of co-dependent and needs me. Which is sort of one of the underlying issues..........
It is so strange how up and down I am about it.
Today I was feeling rather good about them being here-
Thinking it will be good if something were to happen to one of them, they'd be here (morbid I know).
And my mother called and was very cute about wanting us to start a business together- making things we could sell at the Farmer's Market........
I just have to prepare for how I will deal with the judgment and all that........I guess as I have........(which hasn't worked out so well! hahaha)
My new goal, since it is a reoccurring theme recently, is BOUNDARIES.