i am in my 20's and i never had luck with girls in my life because i seem boring and shy. the only way i can talk to girls and have a normal conversation is on drugs but that is not a good sign because when i am sober i am quiet and i have a lot of silent moments so the girl becomes annoyed and leaves. how can i improve it while being sober?
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
confidence problems while sober
- Thread starter drug100
- Start date
Just make a conscious effort to talk. That's all you really need to do, talk. The more you talk the more comfortable you'll become talking in social situations, the more natural it becomes, the more confident you act/sound and eventually you'll pop a boner in someones muff.
is it ok if i am a 22 year old inexperienced? i imagine that 98% of people must have had some experience before me. also is it ok if i treat a girl right because i noticed that those guys fall in the friend zone.The more you do it, the better you will be.
I'm not great with people in general when I'm sober. Most people aren't the greatest, actually. But you've gotta keep working on it!Eventually you'll get there
B1tO'RoughJack
Bluelighter
^ you're fine - just catch up...your situation isn't ideal, but as long as you push it now, you'll be all good.
Treating a girl right doesn't put you in the friend zone (which doesn't REALLY exist unless you're a poof or uggers) - not being confident enough to hold conversations, being boring, being a drug-addled mess, aaaand loads of other things will have you crossed off as not an option, until you sort your shit out, and become attractive.
so true...practice on people you're not attracted to...it makes banter easier.
Treating a girl right doesn't put you in the friend zone (which doesn't REALLY exist unless you're a poof or uggers) - not being confident enough to hold conversations, being boring, being a drug-addled mess, aaaand loads of other things will have you crossed off as not an option, until you sort your shit out, and become attractive.
The more you do it, the better you will be.
I'm not great with people in general when I'm sober. Most people aren't the greatest, actually. But you've gotta keep working on it!
so true...practice on people you're not attracted to...it makes banter easier.
morpher001
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2006
- Messages
- 1,067
You may feel more confident when your drunk/off chops, however you will be presenting as a drunk/off chops guy, which generally is instant red card unless shes more drunk/off chop than you.
Just keep in mind that women are people too, they aren't especially hard to talk to or anything. If you get stuck and an awkward silence is about to happen, a decent get out of jail can be to give her a compliment (genuine!) then if she elaborates the conversation can keep flowing again. if she politely acknowledges and you still feel stuck, excuse yourself saying was lovely chatting with her. You can always say hi again a bit later and gauge her reaction, if positive, then continue flirting.
does it matter if i am inexperienced at 22 years old or does experience count at that age?
morpher001
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2006
- Messages
- 1,067
Doesn't matter at all.
22/23 is like a golden age for many of us average Joe's. All the 18-20 girls seem so gravitate to the slightly older guy, making those difficult years for many ordinary dudes. Being 22 now, well you are that older guy, and also the slightly older girls will start to become available too... forget the famine and get ready for the feast!
As to sexual inexperience, many girls really enjoy all the extra attention and effort they get from a relative newbie. Can actually work in your favor.
Invest in good clothes that match and suit you, do what you need to do to keep your skin clear and don't drink too much on the night out (buy bottles of beer not pints, sip slowly so you don't run to the bar for a full one just to keep your hands occupied). Thats most of the battle won.
Then, just "be yourself". What that actually means is, just have good time being out and when you find a girl you want to talk to, just talk like your having a normal enjoyable conversation with a person. See where it goes. Add in a few compliments and cheeky/funny remarks - lets her know your flirting without making her too uncomfortable.
22/23 is like a golden age for many of us average Joe's. All the 18-20 girls seem so gravitate to the slightly older guy, making those difficult years for many ordinary dudes. Being 22 now, well you are that older guy, and also the slightly older girls will start to become available too... forget the famine and get ready for the feast!
As to sexual inexperience, many girls really enjoy all the extra attention and effort they get from a relative newbie. Can actually work in your favor.
Invest in good clothes that match and suit you, do what you need to do to keep your skin clear and don't drink too much on the night out (buy bottles of beer not pints, sip slowly so you don't run to the bar for a full one just to keep your hands occupied). Thats most of the battle won.
Then, just "be yourself". What that actually means is, just have good time being out and when you find a girl you want to talk to, just talk like your having a normal enjoyable conversation with a person. See where it goes. Add in a few compliments and cheeky/funny remarks - lets her know your flirting without making her too uncomfortable.
shahab6
Bluelighter
is it because you have anxiety when you're sober or is it because you have nothing to say. you might want to start working out and exercising it's great for anxiety and confidence.
i would say both but mostly anxiety because i really don't know what to say and i fear of looking stupid if i say something. its weird because i am never feel like this with guys but with girls i feel like i have an anxiety disorder.
Bagseed
Bluelighter
^ i can relate to what you say, know it from myself. the only real thing you can do is working on yourself, get more confident. do interesting things so you have something to talk about and other people can relate to. i started doing things like juggling, slacklining, riding my bike frequently, working out a little bit, making music, djing, whatever.
at first you have to accept yourself as a perfectly fine human being, instead of thinking of yourself as somehow inferior to the others (hope that makes sense). i am finally anout to overcome my social anxieties, but it takes time and you can't have it all by tomorrow. but nonetheless, it's possible.
btw i was a virgin till i was 19 (now 20). also haven't had sex since then. but when you have other great things going on in live, imo sex doesn't matter as much.
good luck
at first you have to accept yourself as a perfectly fine human being, instead of thinking of yourself as somehow inferior to the others (hope that makes sense). i am finally anout to overcome my social anxieties, but it takes time and you can't have it all by tomorrow. but nonetheless, it's possible.
btw i was a virgin till i was 19 (now 20). also haven't had sex since then. but when you have other great things going on in live, imo sex doesn't matter as much.
good luck