By the time I was 20 I had to maintain a daily habit of: (BTW I AM NOT DICK-SIZING, JUST STATING THE TRUTH...AND I NO LONGER DO ANY OF THIS SHIT)
-4gms methamphetamine
-5-6 barrels heroin/7gm+ homebake
-2gms cocaine
-1/2 40oz bottle of vodka + 5-6 shots absinthe to settle me in the evening
-8 bongs marijuana
plus I often used E/psychedelics/party pills.
To maintain a habit like this you are either: rich (like film star rich)...or a criminal.
I had a $50 horse, as mentioned in an earlier entry (actually by then I'd picked up a cheap little pony who was worth a few beans, but still...we're talking $2000, not what I was using daily) so it doesn't take Einstein to figure out which category I fell into.
I'd started hocking jewellery off Mum when I was younger to help chip in towards our group's coke and weed - this progressed to involvement with a guy from a local gang, George, whose dad was a P cook.
We started off burgling chemists for pseudo and bringing it back to the lab in truckloads but both of us were severely addicted to narcotics. We'd be off our faces on P and would spend more time searching for morphine, codeine, etc. to actually bother with the pseudo!
In the end we started cooking P too. Even manufacturing, distributing and pushing didn't pay for any more than my P habit though.
So I was a prostitute. Not the sexy massage parlour types that work legally. The seedy, hoochie-looking, pock-faced, tracked-arms illegal cats who worked under pimps. A lot of men actually liked me, ugly as I was.
My real crimes were against humanity though. My first boyfriend Taylor was a heroin addict. He went on the methadone program when we hooked up. For me. Funny though - you can't give up drugs for people other than you. He hated methadone. Called it liquid handcuffs. He lived right out in the wops and had to drive for miles to get a dose. Now I'm on methadone I hate it just as much.
Anyway oneday he decided to get off it. I don't think he was ready. He never looked comfortable in his own skin, even though he took it real slow. I'd never touched heroin at that stage - I was (19? Who cares....) and I was naive. Well to how badly skag eats you up.
One night we had a party at his house - he was 2 months completely off methadone. Yet he invited all these junkies! Kate was on the skag - she'd been his dealer....funny how you could get anything off Kate - and while Tay and I were sharing a meth pipe and some booze, the bitch offered him a free hit.
I'll never forget this next bit.Taylor just rolled up his sleeve like a robot, loosened his arm from round me and said, his cat-green eyes looking lost and soulless 'promise me one thing baby - promise me you'll never try heroin.' I did...and I tried to stop him but...try stopping a junkie with a barrel of china in front of him.
After that hit, it seemed like 5 seconds later he turned blue. I tried pounding at his lifeless chest, screeching for someone to call 111, that we needed an ambulance.
Then there was silence. I'd just come to the realisation an ambulance was pointless. Taylor was dead.
I broke the promise that night. I tried heroin. After that I never really stopped.
Then I met May. She was a cousin of my best friend at the time, Laura.
When first introduced to the 'squeaky clean' rich girl I hated May on sight. May stood for everything I wasn't. Everything Laura (who wasn't into any drugs except weed....yet strangely was my best friend....) wanted to be.
Sadly I didn't realise, in my wasted state, how much little May looked up to me. She started ringing me and I introduced her to all my partners in crime. I wanted to corrupt this 15yo rich kid!
May got addicted in a day (to P). Same way I did. She started out, tentatively drinking and smoking weed, pretending she'd done it all before when it was obvious she hadn't! My male friends all had turns in bed with her. She was (still is) gorgeous and they loved her. She even did E and fucked George. I saw red - he was my fuck buddy!
Oneday May turned up at George's joint during a party. She got pissed with us and told me she wanted to be a model.
I snorted and said 'you're too fat - maybe you should try P'.
May was like 'oh no I don't do that shit' but by the time she was drunk enough me and a bunch of others helped convince her to try smoking some. After that night she never stopped. By the time she was 16 she was an IV user (though she still prefers the pipe).
I found out later when our friendship became 'real' (after we both got clean around the same time and started going to NA) I'd been a sort-of idol figure to her. Fuck knows why.
I feel still like I let down two special people in my life - Taylor and May.
Crime's not always about breaking the law is it?
-4gms methamphetamine
-5-6 barrels heroin/7gm+ homebake
-2gms cocaine
-1/2 40oz bottle of vodka + 5-6 shots absinthe to settle me in the evening
-8 bongs marijuana
plus I often used E/psychedelics/party pills.
To maintain a habit like this you are either: rich (like film star rich)...or a criminal.
I had a $50 horse, as mentioned in an earlier entry (actually by then I'd picked up a cheap little pony who was worth a few beans, but still...we're talking $2000, not what I was using daily) so it doesn't take Einstein to figure out which category I fell into.
I'd started hocking jewellery off Mum when I was younger to help chip in towards our group's coke and weed - this progressed to involvement with a guy from a local gang, George, whose dad was a P cook.
We started off burgling chemists for pseudo and bringing it back to the lab in truckloads but both of us were severely addicted to narcotics. We'd be off our faces on P and would spend more time searching for morphine, codeine, etc. to actually bother with the pseudo!
In the end we started cooking P too. Even manufacturing, distributing and pushing didn't pay for any more than my P habit though.
So I was a prostitute. Not the sexy massage parlour types that work legally. The seedy, hoochie-looking, pock-faced, tracked-arms illegal cats who worked under pimps. A lot of men actually liked me, ugly as I was.
My real crimes were against humanity though. My first boyfriend Taylor was a heroin addict. He went on the methadone program when we hooked up. For me. Funny though - you can't give up drugs for people other than you. He hated methadone. Called it liquid handcuffs. He lived right out in the wops and had to drive for miles to get a dose. Now I'm on methadone I hate it just as much.
Anyway oneday he decided to get off it. I don't think he was ready. He never looked comfortable in his own skin, even though he took it real slow. I'd never touched heroin at that stage - I was (19? Who cares....) and I was naive. Well to how badly skag eats you up.
One night we had a party at his house - he was 2 months completely off methadone. Yet he invited all these junkies! Kate was on the skag - she'd been his dealer....funny how you could get anything off Kate - and while Tay and I were sharing a meth pipe and some booze, the bitch offered him a free hit.
I'll never forget this next bit.Taylor just rolled up his sleeve like a robot, loosened his arm from round me and said, his cat-green eyes looking lost and soulless 'promise me one thing baby - promise me you'll never try heroin.' I did...and I tried to stop him but...try stopping a junkie with a barrel of china in front of him.
After that hit, it seemed like 5 seconds later he turned blue. I tried pounding at his lifeless chest, screeching for someone to call 111, that we needed an ambulance.
Then there was silence. I'd just come to the realisation an ambulance was pointless. Taylor was dead.
I broke the promise that night. I tried heroin. After that I never really stopped.
Then I met May. She was a cousin of my best friend at the time, Laura.
When first introduced to the 'squeaky clean' rich girl I hated May on sight. May stood for everything I wasn't. Everything Laura (who wasn't into any drugs except weed....yet strangely was my best friend....) wanted to be.
Sadly I didn't realise, in my wasted state, how much little May looked up to me. She started ringing me and I introduced her to all my partners in crime. I wanted to corrupt this 15yo rich kid!
May got addicted in a day (to P). Same way I did. She started out, tentatively drinking and smoking weed, pretending she'd done it all before when it was obvious she hadn't! My male friends all had turns in bed with her. She was (still is) gorgeous and they loved her. She even did E and fucked George. I saw red - he was my fuck buddy!
Oneday May turned up at George's joint during a party. She got pissed with us and told me she wanted to be a model.
I snorted and said 'you're too fat - maybe you should try P'.
May was like 'oh no I don't do that shit' but by the time she was drunk enough me and a bunch of others helped convince her to try smoking some. After that night she never stopped. By the time she was 16 she was an IV user (though she still prefers the pipe).
I found out later when our friendship became 'real' (after we both got clean around the same time and started going to NA) I'd been a sort-of idol figure to her. Fuck knows why.
I feel still like I let down two special people in my life - Taylor and May.
Crime's not always about breaking the law is it?
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
