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confess your deep Dark secrets

SideOrderOfOpiates said:
I do also know that everyone heals differently from our experiences, and what I find impractical, may actually be quite pivotal for others.
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i agree with this. I feel better talking to other addicts in a setting like this, than any drug counselor or therapist i have ever talked to.

This is also a anonymous environment for the most part, which also makes it easier to share personal experiences than it would if you were talking to family/friends.

everyone has their own way of dealing with things, and i respect any way that makes someone a better person. whether it be talking on here, or simply forgetting about it. I would just rather learn from my experiences and share them so other people do not do what i have, rather than simply forgetting. Just knowing that My fuck ups may help one person, makes me happy to share my full story with anyone who asks.
 
My deep dark secret is acting like i don't care about the elections on fb whilst msnbc is on tv.
I don't have the mental energy to type about anything too political it feels like a waste of time.
My apathy springs from from frustration and bewilderment over what our country has become. I can't keep my mouth shut though i'm about to enter the fray
 
tackyspiral said:
sideorder... i admit because i started the thread i may be biased but i think your not seeing the whole picture, it can be very therapeutic just to put some of this stuff out there, to see it in writing, and to see you are not alone, also i can only speak for myself but i feel i have gotten some great feedback
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i agree and my confession while it isn't much of a confession was not drug fueled and it did feel good to put it out there... GREAT THREAD!!!! even if mine didnt make sense/belong im glad i "put it out there"
 
SideOrderOfOpiates said:
Non, je ne regrette rien.

I can seperate my problematic behavior from my true moral compass. I suggest you all do the same. (This obviously is not directed towards those who are not making confessions about things they did while using.)

Sure, I've done things that Jesus freaks, republicunts, and the convention minded would find highly unagreeable, and possibly even downright awful. I know that regardless of all that they would have a field day over, when push comes to shove, I am the one that does not gossip, I am the one that does not make fun of the disabled, I am the one that helps the homeless, I am the one that gives advice that supposedly was exactly what the individual needed to hear, I am the one who does not wish harm upon those who have done me wrong. Not to sound as though I have lofty visions of myself, but I know where I stand in terms of behaving in a manner that humanity can actually evolve with. I really actually dislike this thread. It's not fucking neuroscience to put together that people do unsavory things while addicted to drugs and alcohol. It is also not neuroscience that most of these behaviors would have never taken place, had the addiction never cultivated. I think the important thing to think about before one dwells on a 'confession', in this situation at least, is whether or not whatever it is you are 'confessing' would have occurred without the drug use. It's not to say that situations like this apply to serial murder, but I truly feel that if one uses their common sense, often times they will find that an addiction related confession should merely be recognized, thrown into the "Do Not Repeat" file, and mentally extinguished.
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i dont understand why u hate this thread... people can find healing in confessing what ever they feel guilty about.. and i disagree that just because they may have been on drugs that it should mean they shouldn't feel bad about it... they did the bad deed whatever it is and even if it was because they were on drugs then they are the ones that allowed themselves to be on drugs in the 1st place... im not saying beating yourself up repeatedly is healthy but it seems like u r blowing off culpability big time... just my opinion
 
I love reading about everyone's deep dark secrets.

I'm not saying anything about myself in this thread.

:|
 
tackyspiral said:
^wow finding that kind of... for lack of a better word... stash would be crazy hard for Any opiate addict to overcome
i dont even want to think about how i would react
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At the time, I rationalized my actions with "These are my mothers pills. They shouldn't have these!". In retrospect, what the hell made me believe I should have them instead? I got a bottle of about ~75 Vicodin 7.5's, fentyanyl patches, and about 14 Oxycodone 30mg IR. Along with a shit ton of Lyrica. Needless to say, I had a fun couple of days to myself.
 
Darkest secrets? Hard to fathom when you're a sociopath! I've done many terrible things (I have three heads in my freezer at the moment which the pedants among you will class a psyhocopath). But seriously one thing I feel genuinely guilty about was going with a bunch of mates to see a pal sectioned (while on X) Truly savage, reminiscent of victorians going to the aslyums to laugh at the mad. That;s probably the worst thing I've ever done (13 years ago) but it didn't turn out well for him (he's not around anymore) and wish we could have foreseen the consequences but too late now (Dan RIP)
 
Tackyspiral im feeling you with the statment KEEP THE CONFESSIONS COMING MIGHT BE A START OF A BREAKTHREW. Thats a good logical point you made there respect.I,ve got borderline personality dissorder and im really going threw the mill at the moment. My vices are benzodiazepines and opiatez which i have a lot of around me at the moment but dont feel strong enough to throw them away.But im i suppose testing myself because i,ve used my opiates 1 today and for me thats a achivment in its self.I hope each and every one of us can find solice and comfort in sharing just 1 thing no matter how big or how small that is causing us distress just to lighten the burden.When your backs against the wall people who understand and willing to share with you can be invaluble i,ve found!!!!
 
tackyspiral said:
ok here goes i am pregnant and clean...yay! but.... i still have a couple packs of clean syringes hidden in a drawer... i am a horrible person...
part of it is in a wierd way i would feel guilty throwing them out... i mean believe me i would know, a clean point can go a long way to help a junkie in need (i have hep c)
also i don't even want to touch them or look at them...
however in my heart i know i just need to grab them and put them in the goddamn dumpster which is shockingly difficult..... rrrrrrrg!
So any advice and does anybody else want to make a confession?
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I would just get rid of them put them in the dumpster or somewhere besides your trash.

Tonight I dumped out all the liquor I had, and recycled the bottles. That's not really a dark secret though.

I was going to give them all away to a friend of mine but then a very good friend of mine who knows me very well, said how I was doing this as an act of revenge so I just dumped them out.
 
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I did it!!!! finally i got up the guts! all the syringes are in the dumpster!! and as long as i am still pregnant there is no way in hell i would dumpster dive to get them back! Yay! It was so wierdly hard to do! I almost couldnt find one pack i hid em so good but i kept diggin. I am hope everything stays ok with me i have these silly superstitions lurking in my head but hey worst case scenario its not thaaat hard to get more.
but hopefully nothing will go wrong so far so good... 18 weeks along now
 
^Congrats, hun! :) I'm so glad you recognized that that was something you needed to do and followed through with it. I'm proud of you! <3
 
tackyspiral said:
I did it!!!! finally i got up the guts! all the syringes are in the dumpster!! and as long as i am still pregnant there is no way in hell i would dumpster dive to get them back! Yay! It was so wierdly hard to do! I almost couldnt find one pack i hid em so good but i kept diggin. I am hope everything stays ok with me i have these silly superstitions lurking in my head but hey worst case scenario its not thaaat hard to get more.
but hopefully nothing will go wrong so far so good... 18 weeks along now
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YAY!!!!! that must have been very liberating, even if it felt scary at first. I have so much admiration for you. You are going to be such a good mama. <3
 
I'm going to answer the original question about deepest darkest secrets...

I have a severe form of epilepsy that caused me to break a bunch of limbs at a really young age. I would drink and do opiates to help me forget about it (even though the alcohol caused me to have more seizures). My darkest secret: 50% of the people with my disease die before 40, 75% before 50. I'm looking forward to dying and have been living my life with that in mind.
 
Its not really a secret but I've been living with my girl the past few months, my dad kicked me out cuz he found a rig with sub in it, wasn't the first time but he still doesn't kno what was in it. I feeel trapped I'm an anxious person and my kpins barely help. Everyday is the same, I either work or chil in my girls room all day doing nothing, we don't hangout with friends together or at all. I've read threads on bluelight for a few years, finaly decided to post
 
^ yah i feel you the only human contact i get is with my boyfriend who i live with... and the anxiety is hard too believe me

also i am having a lot of trouble controlling my anger lately especially with my boyfriend... its a struggle to maintain control... one i dont always win.... i dont know if its just my hormones or what but its hard
 
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