I don't know if I ever talked about it on here, but yeah. I have a concussion. And the Post Traumatic Concussive Syndrome (or whatever it's called) symptoms have been in full force lately. It got so bad today that I had to put my head between my legs and literally fight to stay conscious, I was so fuckin dizzy. Had my mom take me to the ER, apparently I was slurring my words. I KNOW I couldn't type coherently worth shit, because I saw my status updates later and they looked like this:
Thzis iz miay sttus update
Literally. There would be one word or two spelled correctly, and the rest were just a hot mess. It's not that I can't understand what words I'm trying to say, it's that my vision gets so blurred ON TOP of having double vision that even when I go back and try to correct it, it comes back fucked up anyways. According to the doctor, this is going to happen a few times in the next week... hah. Something to look forward to: typing like a 2 year old.
I'm also on bed rest for the next week. There are like a gajillion things I'm not allowed to do until A) the week is over, or B) I go a full 24 hours without having ANY symptoms. I can't stand for more than 10 minutes at a time. I have to switch positions (whether I'm lying down sleeping, trying to stand up, sitting down, etc.) verrryyy slowly. I can't drink anything but healthy liquids. I can't drive. I can't do tasks that require a simple amount of concentration (even writing this blog is probably a no-no, but I'm bored so fuck it). I can't look at things that are very bright or that flash (I guess this is because you're more prone to seizures). I can't go out with friends. I can't talk for long periods of time... which sucks, because ever since I got this concussion, I have just been rambling on and on. Like really that's all I want to do - is talk, and ramble, and say every single random thought that comes to my head. I'm not allowed to work. I'm not allowed to be around any stressors. I'm not allowed to do ANYTHING really, except sit my happy ass down, take my synthetic opiates, and think.
And thinking is bad. I've had two people fuck me over... HARD... in the past day. People I was close to, and they were just straight up cruel to me, over things I honestly had no control over. So on top of having a concussion, I also lost two "friends" in the past 24 hours... well, one was a guy I liked... and I don't have anything else to do but sit here and go over it and over it in my head. And these were people I really cared about. It just hurts. I'd rather be out with my friends, not thinking about it, getting over it, you know? I don't feel like sitting here and thinking about it for an entire week is conducive to that.
I swear up until Friday morning when I got this concussion, my life was so great. Everything was perfect. Now everything is going to shit. I feel like I can't trust anyone if even my closest friends are going to betray me like that. I feel like no guy is ever going to like me for anything other than my looks. That dude's exact words were: "I was never into you, I never wanted to date you. I just said all that shit because I wanted to bang you." It's just depressing. I've given up hope on trusting anyone except my family. It makes me cry. I feel like that's all I've been doing lately - crying. And I am NOT a crier.
But this is the story of my life. I get handed something great, something amazing... or a few amazing things... only to have it ripped away from me in the worst way possible in a short amount of time. It's easier to deal with when I can go out and enjoy myself with friends. But it's fucking HARD when I literally have NO CHOICE but to sit here and just think... and think... and think. God, it just sucks. I can't even describe it.
I'm so depressed right now. Not clinically depressed, but yes, I am experiencing a temporary bout of depression. It's a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, honestly. Wish I could go out and do something to get my mind off of it, but I can't...
Looks like it's just me, the internet, and dumbed-down books like See Spot Run for the next week. Fucking fuck my entire life.
Thzis iz miay sttus update
Literally. There would be one word or two spelled correctly, and the rest were just a hot mess. It's not that I can't understand what words I'm trying to say, it's that my vision gets so blurred ON TOP of having double vision that even when I go back and try to correct it, it comes back fucked up anyways. According to the doctor, this is going to happen a few times in the next week... hah. Something to look forward to: typing like a 2 year old.
I'm also on bed rest for the next week. There are like a gajillion things I'm not allowed to do until A) the week is over, or B) I go a full 24 hours without having ANY symptoms. I can't stand for more than 10 minutes at a time. I have to switch positions (whether I'm lying down sleeping, trying to stand up, sitting down, etc.) verrryyy slowly. I can't drink anything but healthy liquids. I can't drive. I can't do tasks that require a simple amount of concentration (even writing this blog is probably a no-no, but I'm bored so fuck it). I can't look at things that are very bright or that flash (I guess this is because you're more prone to seizures). I can't go out with friends. I can't talk for long periods of time... which sucks, because ever since I got this concussion, I have just been rambling on and on. Like really that's all I want to do - is talk, and ramble, and say every single random thought that comes to my head. I'm not allowed to work. I'm not allowed to be around any stressors. I'm not allowed to do ANYTHING really, except sit my happy ass down, take my synthetic opiates, and think.
And thinking is bad. I've had two people fuck me over... HARD... in the past day. People I was close to, and they were just straight up cruel to me, over things I honestly had no control over. So on top of having a concussion, I also lost two "friends" in the past 24 hours... well, one was a guy I liked... and I don't have anything else to do but sit here and go over it and over it in my head. And these were people I really cared about. It just hurts. I'd rather be out with my friends, not thinking about it, getting over it, you know? I don't feel like sitting here and thinking about it for an entire week is conducive to that.
I swear up until Friday morning when I got this concussion, my life was so great. Everything was perfect. Now everything is going to shit. I feel like I can't trust anyone if even my closest friends are going to betray me like that. I feel like no guy is ever going to like me for anything other than my looks. That dude's exact words were: "I was never into you, I never wanted to date you. I just said all that shit because I wanted to bang you." It's just depressing. I've given up hope on trusting anyone except my family. It makes me cry. I feel like that's all I've been doing lately - crying. And I am NOT a crier.
But this is the story of my life. I get handed something great, something amazing... or a few amazing things... only to have it ripped away from me in the worst way possible in a short amount of time. It's easier to deal with when I can go out and enjoy myself with friends. But it's fucking HARD when I literally have NO CHOICE but to sit here and just think... and think... and think. God, it just sucks. I can't even describe it.
I'm so depressed right now. Not clinically depressed, but yes, I am experiencing a temporary bout of depression. It's a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, honestly. Wish I could go out and do something to get my mind off of it, but I can't...
Looks like it's just me, the internet, and dumbed-down books like See Spot Run for the next week. Fucking fuck my entire life.