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Compulsive Lying

Eyes On the Roll

Eyes On the Roll

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 26, 2010
Messages
692
Location
Heaven
hello,
it has recently come to my attention that I am a compulsive liar.
Lying comes naturally to me, and I must admit, I am very good at it.
I am good at lying in a sense that I can be very convincing, to the point to where I myself get caught up
in these lies and partially believe them myself in the moment.
I also do not feel bad about lying, which enables me to I guess, continue making up these schemes.

The lies I construct can be very elaborate. In some situations I will start up with a small lie, and then, when the veil of deceit
is about to slip, I have to weave a larger web of lies to protect my credibility. These can become very deep and entangling, and I will do it without even realizing it sometimes. Because of the lack of morality I possess, pertaining to lying, I will find myself lying straight to the faces of those that care for me the most. I know this is wrong but it doesn't feel wrong, which is my problem. Deceit comes almost as second nature to me. I don't do it intentionally, I guess I just naturally feel the need to.

Very rarely am I ever caught in a lie, and when I am, I naturally and offhandedly cover it up, with another lie.
I have been caught in a string of lies before, lies that I subconsciously invented, and the person that caught me
called me a "sociopath", whatever that means 8), and has since kept a distance from me.

I am 20 years old, and I guess I decided I have a lying problem around the age of 18, but have done nothing about it.
Other than that, I have tons of friends and I get along with everybody great, and people generally like me.
I would just like to become an honest person
 
First of all... how do I know this entire post isn't a lie? =D

You should see a psychologist about this though, it's more common than most people would think. Kind of along the lines of compulsive shoplifters who only take small things of little or no value.

I don't know much about how it would be treated, but psychologists definitely deal with stuff like this. So that's what I would look into. Maybe some online researching can direct you to the best person to see in your area, etc.
 
Hey Eyes,

The diagnostic criteria for sociopathy include a lot more than just compulsive lying - your desire to stop, and the fact that you have friends you like, excludes that in my eyes so don't worry about that :) I suspect this is a lot more common than people think - after all, who's going to admit they lie a lot?

It seems to me you have a talent for something (lying) and it has just snowballed. I think if you want to stop, you can - just make a conscious effort to stop whenever you find yourself about to tell a lie. This is going to take quite a lot of time and effort, as the patterns will be fairly ingrained now, but if you want it badly enough you can do it. It really might help to get the support of a therapist or psychologist- have you thought about that?

Good luck <3
 
Eyes on the Roll, I used to lie a lot when I was a teenager (I think most teenagers did/do). It was addictive because I found myself aiming for bigger and better lies, and making them more convincing. Kind of "perfecting the art" of lying.
But there was always an element of stress, of the possibility of getting caught out, which would've been very embarrassing, humiliating and discrediting. So one day I just decided that I would "wean" myself off lying. It took a good few months of really conscious thought every time I went to say something. I would quickly think to myself just before I said anything "Is what I am about to say true? Is there anything I can change about what I am about to say to make it even more truthful?". And eventually telling the truth was much easier, much less stressful and much more satisfying than lying ever was.

Compulsive lying is not a good habit to have, even if you're good at it. As much as you think people can't tell you're lying, a lot of people actually CAN tell, even if they don't call you out on it like your other friend did when they found out you were lying. Most people who can tell you're lying won't actually say anything to you, but they will make an internal note to themselves that you are not trustworthy or reliable. Do you really want people to think that of you?

The more honest you are, the more people will trust you, and the more other people will reciprocate with their honesty. It's a much better option.

Do you think you're ready to start making a conscious effort to cut down your lying?
 
I have friends who have this same problem, and to a point I honestly believe that THEY believe what they're saying, even when I know for a fact it is not the truth. They will make up lies about stuff that they don't even HAVE to lie about, like where they went for lunch the day before, even when I saw them somewhere else. Or about how much they paid for their car. I don't fault them, as they have never lied to me about anything of significance that impacted me personally, but I do think it is a personality disorder. The best thing is to just tell the truth (I'm sure you've heard that, not like that's a big revelation), or just don't say anything that would get you caught in a lie.

Good luck, it doesn't make you a bad person (unless it's something SERIOUSLY malicious) - it's just something you need to work on. Try talking to a psychologist; they deal with stuff like this all the time and can hopefully help you figure out what is at the root of the behavior.
 
I used to lie all the time as well. Was damn good at it too. Eventually though, I couldn't trust a word that anyone said to me. So I stopped... eventually. It took a while to get out of the habit, because it became second nature.

Nowadays, I'm almost leaning toward radical honesty. Although I'm not quite there yet, I do find that people do respond better to candour and honesty than to lies and subterfuge. It can be tough at times, but in the end it's just much less effort with respect to memory. Takes confidence, though.
 
I did an experiment once, when I came back from a Buddhist retreat - I didn't lie at all for about a month. It was very uncomfortable initially! We all lie - white lies, saying we are okay when we are not, saying good to see someone when we don't really care.. everyone does it. It is when it escalates to a level where it is beyond the odd white lie, and is causing you, and others, problems, that I think it needs addressing. It's so common - see how many people are admitting it? :) But it clearly has escalated far too far for you. Honesty is so much nicer for you and for those you interact with - you know where you stand with yourself, and with others. I think you will feel so much better when you have cut down on this, and you will see your interpersonal relationships improving too as people trust you more.

It might take small steps to tone it down.. initially, just try to be aware of when you lie. Then look back and think - why did I say that? What could I have said instead that wouldn't have been a lie? Then, next time, try to catch yourself, as n3o said. Don't beat yourself up if you don't stop immediately - I'd be amazed if anyone could - just keep trying, and you can overcome this :) <3

Dave, the idea of complete and total radical honesty is very appealing. It has it's drawbacks - I don't want to hurt anyone - but it is something I am definitely trying to move towards myself, as much as possible :)
 
There are only a few things that are keeping me from doing it. One: my labmate is a good guy, but he's annoying as fuck a lot of the time. Two: I'm really quite attracted to many of my female friends and coworkers, which could be awkward if I were being completely honest all the time. Might have to use some circumlocution to get around those, which is really just a small step removed from a white lie anyway.
 
Haha yeah.. it gets quite complicated..

Eyes, I'd just tone down the lying to a level of white lies and I think you will feel a lot happier :)
 
Are you just lying about drugs? Or about anything you think will get you attention? I think we all lie about drugs sometimes, but if I ever get caught doing that, I tell the truth - then the person (potential GF perhaps...) will either accept that or not. People like honesty.

If this is a general problem though, and not directly related to drugs... I'm not sure this is the right place to get help...

- Atheus
 
^ TDS doesn't necessarily just cover drugs-related issues - we also cover mental health, psychological problems, general stresses of life.. although we are not experts, so it's always wise to see the relevant professional if you need to..
 
No worries :) a lot of it is focussed on addiction and drug-issues but not all of it :)
 
In a world where children are growing up lying to parents, teachers, police, and more, it isn't uncommon for people to get used to becoming compulsive liars.

However, realize that lying isn't going to do anything but make your life more difficult. Eventually, people will realize that you are lying to them. Not everyone will call you out on it; some people will just stop hanging out with you, stop talking to you, and so on.

Do you know why you do this? Have you thought about that? It's possible that you had a parent who did the same thing to you, and you adopted their bad habit as a coping mechanism (lying to someone who is lying to you, etc.)

Nonetheless, lying in itself normally doesn't constitute one to be a sociopath; these are people who have no regards for the rights of others (a sociopath hurts people for little more than gaining power in social situations).

You can always improve the quality of your life by working on yourself. Don't doubt this. Just try telling the truth. :) It'll be hard at first if you're not used to it, but there's a little saying that "The truth will set you free".
 
I'm not a good liar in a situation where I'm essentially fucked, but I do often find myself telling the weirdest things to my friends for no reason. Not often, but I'll think back 5 minutes later and think "That never even happened, why the hell did I say that". Just catch yourself and take this into consideration.

Lies may please, but they do not heal. The truth may hurt, but it heals. Anybody would prefer the truth over a lie, even if the person you lied to doesn't find out. Because in the end it will all way down on your conscience.

Sometimes I'm a good liar. It depends. I don't like to lie, it weighs down on me a lot, which I guess is a good thing.
 
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