Oh, where to begin? My head is spinning...
The other day, I decided to get tickets for a Friday night NBA game (Portland Trailblazers @ San Antonio Spurs) on a whim, and made a post on Facebook seeing if anyone would want to come. Lo and behold, the person who responds is my good friend from high school, who is incidentally also a girl I've had a serious crush on for many years.
I've made my feelings clear to her a few times, but nothing ever came of it. It caused friction in my group of friends since I was such a big dope about it, and she was going out with one of those same friends (ah, high school). After graduation, we didn't hang out much save for a few random visits here and there, sometimes several months apart. I had a few relationships in that period that fizzled out, but we never stopped staying in touch with each other, and she's gone through a couple of long term relationships since then. Every time one of these relationships has gone South, however, she always messages me to vent about it, even if we haven't seriously talked in ages. These instances have always been extremely frustrating for me, since it gives me the perception that she starts to think of me when things aren't so hot with her boyfriend. I've tried to figure out what would compel her to do this when she knows how I feel about her yet is never interested in reciprocating those feelings. Why would she torture me like that when she's made it clear that she doesn't think we would work together? I don't mind talking to her...but not about such a sore subject. I know she has other friends that she sees far more frequently than me that she could consult for advice/sympathy, yet she always turns to me.
The last time I had seen her in person was on an invitation to see her new house (sometime in late 2012), yet even THAT was to discuss that she was soon going to break up with her bf of 5 years. Before that visit, I thought I was getting over my infatuation with her, but seeing her again, paired with that bombshell of information, stirred up all the old feelings and made me start crushing on her all over again. I tried to ask her to hang out a few times after that and see where I stood, but she kept turning me down. One day she declined by saying she had a date that night, so I stopped bothering. She began dating a new guy soon enough, but I only felt my attraction to her increase. I kept these thoughts to myself for another several months until one day (in Oct 2013, maybe?) she contacted me out of the blue again to complain about the guy she had been dating in that time. Eventually, I reached a tipping point and had to tell her what I felt, and how her coming to me to talk about her romantic issues fucks with my head. She declined once again and apologized for troubling me. At this point, making myself known and hearing the rejection firsthand was cathartic for me in it's own way, and soon after, I was on my way to getting over it. Since then, we've regularly texted each other here and there to talk about some mutual interests and hobbies, but no heaving relationship stuff. I came to accept that I'll probably always have a special affection for her, but that the feelings can't be shared, and that getting hung up on them wouldn't do anyone any good.
Now, we're back to square one. I was just fishing for a person to watch the game with, and somehow, she's the one to take the request. I told her I would be glad to go with her, but that she was the last person I expected to reply. Then she mentions that she "needed a distraction for the weekend" since "the shit is gonna go down tonight", which she didn't elaborate on. I could only assume she was alluding to problems with the bf, who she decided to give another shot and most likely came to regret doing so. There may be a slight chance she was referring to something else, but relationship woes are the only things she ever seems to get worked up over like that.
I've got the tickets. She wants to go in one car, and I assume that means I'll be picking her up. It seems like she's going out of her way to spend time with me, alone, when she may not even be out of a relationship yet. I don't know yet if that's the case, but I have a hard time believing her bf would be cool with her going to a game with another guy. What am I supposed to think here? Should I approach this moment like a date, since it has all the trappings of one? Or do I back off and treat it as a platonic meeting, occasionally gauging her reactions?
I've got the feeling there's no easy answer to this and I'll likely find out later this evening. I just wanted to get some other perspectives on this issue. If anyone's interested, I'll update with the assessment after tonight's events are done.
The other day, I decided to get tickets for a Friday night NBA game (Portland Trailblazers @ San Antonio Spurs) on a whim, and made a post on Facebook seeing if anyone would want to come. Lo and behold, the person who responds is my good friend from high school, who is incidentally also a girl I've had a serious crush on for many years.
I've made my feelings clear to her a few times, but nothing ever came of it. It caused friction in my group of friends since I was such a big dope about it, and she was going out with one of those same friends (ah, high school). After graduation, we didn't hang out much save for a few random visits here and there, sometimes several months apart. I had a few relationships in that period that fizzled out, but we never stopped staying in touch with each other, and she's gone through a couple of long term relationships since then. Every time one of these relationships has gone South, however, she always messages me to vent about it, even if we haven't seriously talked in ages. These instances have always been extremely frustrating for me, since it gives me the perception that she starts to think of me when things aren't so hot with her boyfriend. I've tried to figure out what would compel her to do this when she knows how I feel about her yet is never interested in reciprocating those feelings. Why would she torture me like that when she's made it clear that she doesn't think we would work together? I don't mind talking to her...but not about such a sore subject. I know she has other friends that she sees far more frequently than me that she could consult for advice/sympathy, yet she always turns to me.
The last time I had seen her in person was on an invitation to see her new house (sometime in late 2012), yet even THAT was to discuss that she was soon going to break up with her bf of 5 years. Before that visit, I thought I was getting over my infatuation with her, but seeing her again, paired with that bombshell of information, stirred up all the old feelings and made me start crushing on her all over again. I tried to ask her to hang out a few times after that and see where I stood, but she kept turning me down. One day she declined by saying she had a date that night, so I stopped bothering. She began dating a new guy soon enough, but I only felt my attraction to her increase. I kept these thoughts to myself for another several months until one day (in Oct 2013, maybe?) she contacted me out of the blue again to complain about the guy she had been dating in that time. Eventually, I reached a tipping point and had to tell her what I felt, and how her coming to me to talk about her romantic issues fucks with my head. She declined once again and apologized for troubling me. At this point, making myself known and hearing the rejection firsthand was cathartic for me in it's own way, and soon after, I was on my way to getting over it. Since then, we've regularly texted each other here and there to talk about some mutual interests and hobbies, but no heaving relationship stuff. I came to accept that I'll probably always have a special affection for her, but that the feelings can't be shared, and that getting hung up on them wouldn't do anyone any good.
Now, we're back to square one. I was just fishing for a person to watch the game with, and somehow, she's the one to take the request. I told her I would be glad to go with her, but that she was the last person I expected to reply. Then she mentions that she "needed a distraction for the weekend" since "the shit is gonna go down tonight", which she didn't elaborate on. I could only assume she was alluding to problems with the bf, who she decided to give another shot and most likely came to regret doing so. There may be a slight chance she was referring to something else, but relationship woes are the only things she ever seems to get worked up over like that.
I've got the tickets. She wants to go in one car, and I assume that means I'll be picking her up. It seems like she's going out of her way to spend time with me, alone, when she may not even be out of a relationship yet. I don't know yet if that's the case, but I have a hard time believing her bf would be cool with her going to a game with another guy. What am I supposed to think here? Should I approach this moment like a date, since it has all the trappings of one? Or do I back off and treat it as a platonic meeting, occasionally gauging her reactions?
I've got the feeling there's no easy answer to this and I'll likely find out later this evening. I just wanted to get some other perspectives on this issue. If anyone's interested, I'll update with the assessment after tonight's events are done.
