I really did. Wow, so much shit hit the fan at the same time but then main clencher was that my wife told me to get out. And she knows that I don't have any friends or any place else to go. My family is half a world a way, and I don't don't like them. And I don't have any money. So she screamed at me like the whistle blow at the shift end, and I loaded all the stuff that I can call mine and I made her give me my xanax - she gave me 20 mgs and I grove to the levy and took all the xanax thinking it would make killing myself easier, and I waded out into the river and started slicing my wrists. I tried about ten ten good times on each wrist, across and with the veins, and in no case was I able to slice well and truely.
So then I guess the xanax made me feel relaxed and I felt better so I stopped wanting to die. So I was barefoot and wrapped my hands in a sheet and drove home and asked my wife to check me into the hospital. She drove me to the hospital and then after about 24 hours they discharged me to a sanitarium - a very fine place - where you can snack any time, make coffee, make toast and where they have four group sessions of therapy a day and it was a really meaningful experience.
I learned alot about myself, not the least of which was that my medication was causing me distress and high blood pressure. Alot of which went into the factors of what made me try to off myself.
I am so glad that I didn't cut some important nerve or vein and lose use of my hand. I am an artist and if I couldn't use my hand I would be really sad. I will continue on with this blogging of this for awhile because I have been feeling really bad lately and there's no solutions. Just suicide isn't also any solution either.
So then I guess the xanax made me feel relaxed and I felt better so I stopped wanting to die. So I was barefoot and wrapped my hands in a sheet and drove home and asked my wife to check me into the hospital. She drove me to the hospital and then after about 24 hours they discharged me to a sanitarium - a very fine place - where you can snack any time, make coffee, make toast and where they have four group sessions of therapy a day and it was a really meaningful experience.
I learned alot about myself, not the least of which was that my medication was causing me distress and high blood pressure. Alot of which went into the factors of what made me try to off myself.
I am so glad that I didn't cut some important nerve or vein and lose use of my hand. I am an artist and if I couldn't use my hand I would be really sad. I will continue on with this blogging of this for awhile because I have been feeling really bad lately and there's no solutions. Just suicide isn't also any solution either.
