Unenthusiastichand
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2017
- Messages
- 6
17 year old female here. Been using about a cap of h a day for a month. It's been about 12 hours and I'm already sick. Suggestions to get through this? I want to stop while I can
She probably can't since she is 17. At the very least her parent would need to be involved.Have you thought about checking out a legit suboxone program? Those subs your friend is bringing will help soften your landing a little. But getting involved with some ongoing maintenance and treatment might be a steadier way to start off in recovery. It would let you focus on stabilizing your life a bit, without first having deal deal with being super sick.
Thanks guys.
I've struggles with anxiety, depression and PTSD basically my whole life, but about a week before I started using I broke up with my extremely abusive boyfriend I had been with for two years. It's funny because he was an addict and I never touched it the two years we were together but within a week of us being apart I was using. I'm not very good with coping skills and I did end up copping today , I'm waiting for my friend to drop it off right now because I was so sick last night. But, when he brings my final cap he's also going to bring me two 8 mg suboxone for me to taper down with. One of the hard parts is this "friend" who is bringing it is a 30 year old hardcore addict and he's offering to shoot me. I told him no fucking way, do you care about me getting clean or do you want me to go deeper into this and die? Other than him, I only have two or three friends who know so I don't have a lot of support. But being sick has been so awful that I'd rather get off and never be sick again then just keep using and keep being sick like every week. So hopefully this works. About two summers ago I had been doing about 15 mg of oxy a day for three months and stopped cold turkey and had no WD whatsoever.
I really want to kick this because I know if I don't and I have dope around in going to end up purposely overdosing (I have a history of suicide attempts starting when I was 13)
To put into reference how much I've been using compared to me, I'm only about 90 pounds and 5'2. So a cap is kind of a lot for me to do in a day when I can nod out from snorting 1/6 of one.
I managed to delete my other comment. Sorry. I usually lurk instead of posting so I'm a bit unfamiliar with this.
I detoxed , did great and then relapsed last week. I was extremely suicidal and having trouble breaking away from my ex still... I live near Baltimore, and I have too many guys jumping to drive me there to make me happy. I've moved to shooting 90% of the time and now I'm doing raw instead of scramble. I've come to the conclusion I don't want to get clean, I was black mailed into it. My mother also uses (clean now) so she's too occupied to even know I ever touched it. I'm not sure what to do.. Fetynal is a big issue and Baltimore is cranking it out, I was even given scramble and told it probably had it. I'm almost hoping it kills me.
I spent my 17th birthday slinking around Baltimore looking for it. Everyone is enabling or judgmental. My friend told me she was going to drown me for relapsing. I'm not sure if you know about Lil Peep, the rapper who overdosed , but it made me realize how many people think I deserve to die for being an addict, that we aren't real people. Even people I that I called my friends who didn't know I'm an addict saying terrible things. I feel dehumanized and like I let everybody down... My best friend of four years told me he didn't respect me anymore and blocked me
I don't want being sick ... But I do want being high to be my life... I don't have plans for the future ... I'm a piece of shit ... I haven't cared much about where I end up, even if it's buried ... I don't think this is how my life to be, but I also just don't really care.
thank you all for your advice and encouragement. I was starting to consider getting clean but one of my rats passed away last night. A girl who's been using for 10 years sent me this long ass paragraph saying because I'm young I choose to be addict but she doesn't.... I've never been so angry in my life. Just because I'm young I choose it? Bullshit. Maybe if I wasn't sick I would be "choosing it" but I am physically dependent. What's up with that addict shaming FROM an addict? That's one of the reasons I've kept such a tight leash on my problem and only maybe ten people know, and I'd say 7 of them are from other states and I met them through social media.. When I'm sick I want to get clean to never be sick again but I also just would rather be high. I can't really rationalize with myself and say. "This will happen in two days if you don't stop"
I make jokes about it. But I do it to myself.
A big thing I noticed is avoidance. Call it boi. Call it dope, call it h. Just don't call it heroin because then it's too real. If I stick to other names and make jokes about my addiction then maybe it won't be real.