Apparently my friend wants me to go to inpatient and be drugged full of this fucking shit. The problem is, the reason I lost it was when one of my puppies was hidden beneath a chair in my apartment. I thought I'd lost her. Only merely weeks after getting her and forming a skin tight bond with her. If this was a fucking KID, and he admitted it was a dog and not a human, really shows.
I think I'm done with this guy. I wish people were not so judgemental. Yes, I talked all the time about suicide because of my fucking ears constantly playing up. If you're a musician and you lived your entire fucking life living with perfect hearing and then this happens, how exactly do you expect the person experiencing this to behave? Do you expect them to stay the same and in control? Get fucked, people don't stay sane when shit happens like this. Especially when there lost there mother and don't give a fuck about their stepmother and their parents treat them like shit. You're an idiot if you think people behave the same as though nothing happened. Get fucked. I'm not going on antipsychotics just to garner your approval.
I'll go to the psych and I'll tell them everything. If they decide to keep me in, and pump me full of this shit and it ruins my life, and my hearing gets worse because of the cholesterol (which can cause hearing loss, and tinnitus, especially microembolisms), then I'll have all the more reason to kill myself. Pretty simples, huh?
I am not touching drugs which I know will fuck me up beyond belief. I am not touching a chemical lobotomy. I know too many people on them and they sit around and have no energy. They just fucking sit around all day, can't think, can't work, can't imagine, end up with health problems especially vascular ones (hey WINK WINK the same fucking health problems which I suspect wrecked my hearing LALALALALALALALA)...u can get fucked if u think I gonna touch this shit.
Dope me up on barbiturates, give me an endless amount of vinylbital sodium, keep that shit flowing into me through a permanent IV line that is attached to me like an insulin pump, and I'll be one happy man. And, if I decide, because of my fucked up hearing and constant ear irritation/blockedness and pain, that I've had enough, I can increase the concentration of the barbiturate, take a couple of Dilaudids and slip my head into a plastic bag.