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Mental Health Coming off Invega/Xeplion (paliperidone) injections v. 9

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wbga said:
I still feel more positive than before but not compared to pre invega.

It is very easy for me to regret or be depressed due to invega but I try to come up with more powerful philosophical advice that helps me with situation and understanding the reality.

One thing I regret right now is the wasted time during my 20s which I never regretted before invega injection. I am never a guy who regret my life choices before, but since invega it is so much easier for me to look back and regret or worry about the future etc. Also, I tend to compare with people of success.

I never did this before and I was content with my life and progress, unique life experiences etc but invega kind of illiminated my positive outlook about life and find reason to be depressed when the reason is just the toxic medicine.

But this lessened drastically last few days, and I am trying to learn new things.

Still there is easy tendency of me becoming comparing with my past, future, or other people but I overcome them.

I just realized all the normal people who regretted and compared with others must've felt, because I was really just happy guy without worry so this is quite a strange experience for me.

Fear, Depression, Worry etc.

Ruining all my confidence level.

but compared to last month, I am alive and stronger. I just realise how strong a guy mentally I was before invega.
I never knew I would experience this sort of negativities about myself lol.

Nothing made me painful of any reality I was facing and I was confident that I can figure out back then.

One thing I like about being so realistic is that I can realistically look at myself and analyse that I am missing something and trying to find a way to satisfy that needs.

In some perspective, even though I wouldn't say invega is any way positive, but I am trying to do new thing to sort out my life again.

Just realising how materialistically scarce I am, and have to do something about it.

To overcome fear and worry, I set a goal of which telling myself, when I look back from 20 years from now, I don't want to regret again like this.
Even though my starting point is later than average, I would be fine and will be confident enough to say that I lived my life fully.

That's my promise to myself.

Without such fears and worry, I wouldn't have started to look at my life in "realistic" point of view, because I was mostly spiritual guy who only thought about meaning of life and seeking for answer which is above any material means.

I became so materialistic nowadays after invega lol, thinking that what matters in life is only dollars, but I am regaining my ability to grasp the concept of spirituality, beauty, meaning and its importance. This is another big change that I regained last few days.

I can finally meditate again and feel the brain wave and energy inside of me which was blocked due to brain blockage.

I think intense meditation that I did few days ago, kinda readjusted my brain wave and dopamine level a bit. I don't feel so narrow-minded as a month before.

Still I can feel my dopamine and serotonin receptors are blocked and I would say this is about 50% recovered and I am still not as great as before in communicating with others. I was confident to talk with strangers before but now I have no topic to talk about even with my girlfriend. This isn't recovered yet even though this is also getting better for sure.
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I relate to what you wrote a lot, I never used to regret the past. I haven't seen as much improvement yet myself however, but some.
 
stolensoul said:
I relate to what you wrote a lot, I never used to regret the past. I haven't seen as much improvement yet myself however, but some.
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I just hope I become mentally strong person again. I really hate the fact that I am regretting. It's a disgusting feeling.
 
stolensoul said:
I relate to what you wrote a lot, I never used to regret the past. I haven't seen as much improvement yet myself however, but some.
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Below is a diary entry I wrote today. Let's not regret but capitalize the pain.

The regret over my past days runs deep. The realization that I can never return to my 20s comes as a great pain. A day in your teens, 20s, 30s, and 40s are all different. One day in your 20s is worth ten days in your 30s. While it may seem like just a number change, the value of those opportunities is completely different.


But you can't understand this value when you're young. Only after time has passed and you look back can you grasp it, clutching your aching heart. It's a cruel system. It's wrong that teenagers and twenty-somethings, who know nothing, bear the burden of making choices that will have the greatest impact on their lives. How could they possibly know that each choice they make then will affect the quality of their entire life?


This is a system created by society. The only way to transcend this system is through learning and mastering skills - if you can produce meaningful results, you can start again whether you're 30, 40, 50, or 60. However, the "smooth path to success" of getting employed and gradually increasing your salary year by year is gone.


If you have a solution or technology that can solve prevalent societal problems, there's no such thing as being too old. This is the only way to turn your past experiences and pain from regrets into stepping stones. This is because if you try to compete with people on society's conventional path, you can never catch up, and you cannot escape the stigma of being a "person who fell behind."


Rather, even though you're late and have experienced pain, if you achieve "success" with your own mission and purpose, those past experiences and pains become honorable scars, medals of honor, creating a profound life story. Even if you're late, let's start studying. Let's master skills that can turn your experiences and scars into medals of honor, and find opportunities within failure.
 
Youwillrecover said:
@fenec this is my mother from the wery wise Jung psychologist. I had so much trauma from her and this family i was reacting with rage and they hospitalized me. Pls wish me getting marry. I dont want to end up as virgin along mom with fake schizo diagnosis. I want wife 🤣
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Frero run away from your family, how did he send you back to hospital again?
 
fenec said:
Frero run away from your family, how did he send you back to hospital again?
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Not again. I speak about 9 months ago and before. I just wanna say something as castrating mother exist. I wanna write book about it and how it was part of this fake schizophrenia diagnosis.
 
InvegaAnon said:
My clitoral ED has improved a lot suddenly.
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lol never mind it's still there. My clit still can't get hard if I'm laying face up. It does fill out more now though and it's comforting that the erectile tissue is apparently healthier now. It also rarely gets shriveled and it always reacts to touch. I hope it goes back to normal. Having a big, strong clit is very attractive to queer women and it makes sex with women easier, and damn it, I want a girlfriend.
 
okthen said:
About to go on first bike ride since all of this. 20 mile round trip on a local trail path. Aiming to get back in a little over 2 hours. Will be using a single speed fixie set to single speed, I forget the gearing ratio but it is pretty high (a lot of flat city riding previously), it does have pretty decent geometry for comfort however and I've got a pair of relatively high rolling 700c gatorskin tyres on it, which with its no-suspension rigidity, on pretty much gravel at worst, should not be too bad, just worried about long uphills with the high gearing. Hoping the minimalist setup shaves off enough weight to fly up the long ascents. Tubeless would be nice to save extra weight saved and peace of mind, but I have never had a puncture running gatorskins on 700c before so should be alright. Also don't feel confident in my ability to predict flow of traffic yet, so the long gravel path should be a lot more stress free than my usual fast, zippy street riding I prefer on the light, nimble, narrow setup I've chose to run here.

Will report back how my body feels after the ride, not sure if I'll have the drive/pleasure feeling to complete it all like old times but we shall have a go. Hopefully no rain, as only running lightweight v-brakes, which are rather unpredictable in the best of conditions.

Edit:


this little drop down section marks half way, 10.2 miles in, 15k per min avg pace. My body feels ok, wrists tired from rigid ride, legs are totally destroyed but getting back should not be a problem. Is starting to rain however, I fear last 30% will be in the wet. Other than that I'm feeling not too bad at this point, definitely don't have the energy of a normal person though, nowhere near.

Edit 2: finished the ride a while ago, legs, wrists and backside are really sore, pace died in the second half of the ride but I finished it. Don't feel that beat up now, as far as needing to recover goes, should be fine in 2-3 days. Will ride through the streets to get to supermarket in a bit to "wind body down". Overall not too upset with the ride considering I've lay down bedridden for months now. It is quite cold outside now, rain stayed off, darkness has set in for a wile now.
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thanks for sharing your nice story. Inspiring me to go on bike rides ;-)
 
I started playing Fortnite again after 12 months of never feeling like playing it. I never thought I’d actually want to play any video games again after the injections.
 
DrZaius1 said:
J'ai recommencé à jouer à Fortnite après 12 mois sans jamais avoir envie d'y jouer. Je n'aurais jamais pensé que je voudrais à nouveau jouer à des jeux vidéo après les injections.
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La comment tu te sent niveau émotion et énérgie ?
 
DrZaius1 said:
I started playing Fortnite again after 12 months of never feeling like playing it. I never thought I’d actually want to play any video games again after the injections.
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yeah same but with league of legends, i didnt play it at all in 2023 when i started getting injected. I started playing it more in the last 6 months but im not having fun or getting dopamine rush and satisfaction from playing it. It feels like "meh" its better than doing nothing where as before 2023 i was legit addicted and actually having real fun. Tragic.
 
IOSIP said:
Never thought I'd be suicidal before now but I can't live like this. How do I keep going please someone give me some hope.
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It does get better. I received the injection in 2015 and managed to recover. I still deal with depression but I feel the effects of invega had worn off significantly after about 8-9 months, mostly worn off after 12 months.

I was prescribed adderall and klonopin though. I am not on them anymore but I was at the time. The adderall made the invega effects easier to cope with but unfortunately induced psychosis multiple times for me.
 
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I feel like if my clitoris would feel the way it should, in my fingers and sensorially, all would be right with me.

I finally feel more emotional. That has been extremely gradual for me, but nearly constantly improving. I am miles away from that disassociated mess that I was. The emotional blunting flares up sometimes, but often it's at trace levels, like the anhedonia.

If you're struggling with disassociation brought on by Invega, it feels amazing when it's gone. It will leave. Half of emotional blunting is dp/dr.
 
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Not an invega story, but I saw this post when I got nosy about someone messaging me about invega on Reddit, she had posted in this thread.

 
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