no I failed him , I was the last person he spoke to and he kept saying he won't recover and I kept telling him he will recover in 10 months. He said he would buy sodium nitrate and I got so mad that I called him a retard for even considering suicide when recovery is in reach, I shouldn't have said that and should have considered that he would actually go through with it. I regret not calling his local police department to do a wellness check as soon as he said hes going to commit suicide . Lets pray hes resuscitated and hes in the psych ward hold for a suicide attempt and not actually dead.
Jesus, what the fuck man?? You need to be gentle with people. And in this situation, you kind of have to manipulate people into staying alive. I don't know how else to describe what you have to do here.
The way he was feeling, I know exactly what he felt and I wish I didn't, we are an unlucky few. When you get PSSD/post SSRI syndrome/SSRI withdrawal with invega in your system, you are utterly disconnected from everything and everyone, nothing matters. It's like your belly was cut open and you can't feel it. It's like being dead while being alive. The only thing you have is your consciousness. The only thing keeping me alive was the desire to watch my niece grow up and knowing my friends would be sad if I died. Even then, I almost didn't care because I
couldn't care. I live a pretty isolated life and I wanted to see my friends one more time, I deeply wanted that ritual of a final goodbye, but I was never able to see anyone. I called suicide hotlines and warmlines and one time, I got somebody who was also overmedicated once on a warmline and he gave me a lot of reassurance. If I knew more ways to commit suicide, I would be dead.
I really hope he's okay. Sodium nitrate poisoning is horrible. I wish I had known about the sodium nitrate because I could've told him that if he survives he could end up in the psych ward again, on meds again, and even injured from poison too. If someone is suicidal in nane state and nothing matters because they are so fucking numb, you need to hold the ramifications of surviving an attempt over their heads. I did that to myself, I didn't want to be on antipsychotics again. I was more afraid of dying than living, too, that's always been a good suicide stopper for me.
The whole situation is insane, looking back on it. There isn't really anybody who went through anything comparable you can easily find online, let alone any survivor stories. Angie Peacock, who was polydrugged with multiple antidepressants, benzos, and antipsychotics for PTSD, is the only one I know of and I kept pointing him in her direction. She has a support group and offers licensed online counseling services, she knows what we went through.
If I'm normal next year, I'm going to put my story out there. Not just in a reddit post. I am a creative person, I am still an artist and a writer deep down and I can do it in a way that will reach a lot of people. I'm not going to let anyone be alone in this ever again.
