No suicide is not an option. You have so much to live for. Recovery will take a while but you have to keep going. Your family is counting on you and things always get better with time.It's been three months since I was supposed to have my last shot of Invega Trinza. I tried to get the doc to take me off of it but he refused so I simply didn't show up for the appointment. They called me from different numbers, some private. I did not pick up. They called my mother and she basically told them I'm not going to take it anymore. The nurse said ok but told us that psychosis will most likely return.
I still have anhedonia and my feelings are pretty flat most of the time, though I started to feel anger. I'm glad my emotions are coming back to me. I would've preferred anger not being the first to come back but oh well. Had a brief period of happiness about a month ago before going to sleep. Haven't felt any good emotions since.
I dropped out of university due to the psychosis and the injection made it impossible for me to hold down a job, so I quit two min. wage jobs after working for two months.
I kind of just gave up on life and would spend most of my days in bed watching countless videos on YouTube drifting in and out of sleep. I would browse suicide forums at night. I found a good method and was about to end it, but one day mom told me to look at courses to take to get money out of my education fund. I looked around and found welding to be quite appealing so I might go for it. That'll be when I feel a bit better though. I still feel like shit and I don't think I'll improve in time for September. If it doesn't work out, suicide is always an option.