First time I was on antipsychotics everything was different. Took risperidone 1,5 years (after my first psychotic break - spent 1 month in a medical institution) and my life was completely normal - was risperidone along with lithium carbonate.
Was in my first year of engineering graduation, getting lots of goods grades, studying alot, was a talkative person. There were no side effects, at least I didn't noticed ANY. Used to play lots of videogames, watch movies, TV shows, fap everyday (the med didn't affected my libido!). I was very active in some Telegram's chats, shitposting alot, it was really fun! Life was great!
This time, 8 years later, it was like hell. Zombie like, no feelings, fatigue, ED, no thoughts. I don't know what happened. Even without AP I am struggling in life.
I ask myself if the second psychotic break was worse than the first one, if I am older so it's hard to get through, if this time my brain fried and I developed some kind of illness... I really don't know how I did so well when I was 20.
When I'm sad (like right now) I think that I got one chance to have a normal life after my first episode. Then I fucked it up using drugs and now there's no return. After a second episode things cannot be like they were before. And then I feel hopeless.